View Full Version : Haven't ever really written a verse before

Mai Wang Tu Phat
07-02-2011, 04:58 PM
This an 8 bar warnin', meditate and watch your fate, start formin'
I'm a busy bee, occasionally I'm caught swarmin', an anti lawman
you can't get past doorman in this house of consequences
thought prevention, stop the tension, and oh yeah not to mention
I'm in my own class, way above the opposition
I'm sure you'd agree if you took the time to stop and listen
I used to have message, as a degenerate adolescent
crossroads of the past and present, was my last impression
I made my therapist's head explode. Confession.
Like history, I'm teaching you a pointless lesson
grab ahold of the important and start lovin' 'em close
My demeanor is so subtle I start summoning ghosts.
don't complicate plot, my whole life has been a late stop
Stop tryin' to relive the past, man...great scott

Comments and criticism?

07-02-2011, 07:02 PM
its dope overall. i think sometimes ur using to many words or syllables. like here...

"I'm in my own class, way above the opposition" u could drop the I'm and let it just be In my own class

this is just my opinion tho man. im not an emcee and havent written anything in years so somebody else might say different. keep practicin tho. it wasnt wak at all IMO

07-02-2011, 07:42 PM
its a dope drop and like bar said drop the like and the an and sub those words or drop them completely

Mai Wang Tu Phat
07-02-2011, 09:41 PM
Thanks guys, the reason I had those extra words in there so it would fit the bit I was writing to.

07-02-2011, 09:53 PM
yeah i'd have to hear it on the beat to give further feed but keep writin and maybe evn try recording. u might be onto somethin. u had me with the first line

i read it again

and OH yeah not to mention
I'M in my own class, way above the opposition

its just one of those words capitilized is where i think u could change it but like i said i dont know what u wrote it to so my feed could even change if i heard it recorded as far as just the lyricism

Mai Wang Tu Phat
07-03-2011, 10:18 AM
It was to this

07-11-2011, 12:40 PM
this shit was pretty good .