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Visionz
11-09-2005, 03:24 AM
Anyone down for a quick battle? 10-12 lines and 5 votes.

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 04:18 AM
this revolution be on wide screen resolution
my words turn eric rap illusion into public confusion
violence b my solution so I blow this flow over
yo dome like pollution in conclusion i decapitate
ya fate send yo on a date wit no head left to mate
ya fuckin enuch I may leave ya wit a nut if ya promise
to buck up you a spectacle left with 1 testical a set is a
waste on you what is balls doing on a complacent fool
I throw weight in this battle debate have a taste
of your future you genitals in sutures you all stitched up
because you bitched up you cant create cuz yo dick lacks a face

Visionz
11-09-2005, 05:01 AM
I'm the One Sun, the Moon only reflects my shine
You done fucked up, like desecrating holy shrines
This time I'll leave you to Buddist monks w/ numchucks
To steamroll ya like Canuck drunks in mac-trucks
Leave you just as flat as your prepubescent chest
Your an easy target like u strapped in a florescent vest
Rest in pieces as the bullet releases your soul
You smell like feces, I think you've lost ur bowel control
They got toilet bowls next time you feel like droppin shit
Take these Depends until you think that you can quit
Next time I kill you, this is the last warnin you get
Before you get the backburner like Al Green grits

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 05:03 AM
great verse, eric

You killed it...thanks for my first battle

Visionz
11-09-2005, 05:19 AM
^appreciate it girl,
you're gettin better w/ ya rhyme schemes, you should definetly keep it up, .....with enough pratice you too can be a masta killa ;) lol serious about not stoppin thou.

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 05:44 AM
damn eric u still awake

Visionz
11-09-2005, 05:57 AM
I never sleep cause sleep is the cousin of death.....no one has ever takin that line more to heart than me lol......nocturnal by nature homie

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 06:21 AM
i just dropped my verse on the thread above this, check it out and be on the look out for his verse and come and vote for who killed who

Visionz
11-09-2005, 06:46 AM
cool but u should do the same here. peace

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 06:50 AM
ya but u were already battling the lil lady, so i didnt wanna flood the thread, i just took on musical man's open challenge instead

Visionz
11-09-2005, 06:52 AM
yeah homie lol but it's only a single round and we both dropped. Hopin you would post a vote.

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 06:56 AM
i cant vote on this, u guys were jsut fucken around really, u 2 should battle for real, 20 lines each, bcuz nothing can develope or evolve from 10 lines

Visionz
11-09-2005, 07:02 AM
true indeed, I'm trying to stay away from real battles until I'm outta the tournament. Tryin to keep my lyrical engeries on tap for a whole minute you know. But just outta curiosity, did you get a laugh from the verse? Def. gonna for a more comic role in that one.

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 07:07 AM
ya u came correct as always, shit was funny but serious enough

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 07:07 AM
the booby line was funny

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 07:11 AM
the booby line was funny

LOL...yeah, hey hollywood should I stay in kill a guy for awhile or start trying to battle?

what you think? be brutally honest.

Peace

Visionz
11-09-2005, 07:11 AM
word up^I liked that I handed her some depends.....like "here you'll need these adult-sized diapers" ^O^.........so you officially done w/ your sabbatical?

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 07:16 AM
i say u go in battle mode, bcuz we havent seen what u can do yet, show off your stuff girl

Visionz
11-09-2005, 07:21 AM
what you think? be brutally honest. Not everyone that battles in here is top notch lyricst, I would say you stand a chance against quite a few people. At the same time you should warm up on them before swingin at some of the heavyweights but I don't doubt that you'll get there eventually. I hand out pointers as well to anybody who wants 'em just so you know.

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 07:21 AM
Stop flossing , Eric....damn! LOL

Thanks for the advice Hollywood.

Visionz
11-09-2005, 07:24 AM
I know lol....you had some nice things goin in that verse thou, don't discredit urself. I know you haven't been doin this for long which is only that much more impressive.

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 07:24 AM
Not everyone that battles in here is top notch lyricst, I would say you stand a chance against quite a few people. At the same time you should warm up on them before swingin at some of the heavyweights but I don't doubt that you'll get there eventually. I hand out pointers as well to anybody who wants 'em just so you know.
cool... let me know whats up, cuz I know I need to work on my punches and prolly elevate my word play.

any feedback is much appreciated

Visionz
11-09-2005, 07:54 AM
this revolution be on wide screen resolution(that's good internal rhyming here)
my words turn eric rap illusion into public confusion (same thing here, nice)
violence b my solution so I blow this flow over (the flow starts getting choppy here, I don't think it's bad to role the idea of one line into the next, but make sure that the line is complete enough to stand by it's own if ya didn't)
yo dome like pollution in conclusion i decapitate
ya fate send yo on a date wit no head left to mate(nice internal rhyme, but u let it get choppy again)
ya fuckin enuch I may leave ya wit a nut if ya promise
to buck up you a spectacle left with 1 testical a set is a<this one isn't rhyming w/ anything)
waste on you what is balls doing on a complacent fool
I throw weight in this battle debate have a taste
of your future you genitals in sutures you all stitched up(here, it worked out better, you ran the idea on but the line still ended, nawmean)
because you bitched up you cant create cuz yo dick lacks a face


Not a bad verse, you had a lot of good internal rhymes but the flow could use some help. Just make sure that ever line is a complete idea in itself and you'll find that the flow of your words is a lot more natural.

These are just general tips here, kinda my own zen of lyrics.
(Less is more)--as time goes on you'll find that you're gonna be able to convey a lot of meaning using very few words. Try to strip away any excess and find the essensce of what it is you're trying to say. It will make your lyrics more impactful and more visual.
(Stay away from your first thought)--Unless it's a moment of divine brilliance, the first thing that you wanna say is probably something a lot of people would've said. Don't be afraid to question your intial mental reaction and dig deeper. This will allow you to be more creative. I personally find that smoking doja while writing is an absolutely brillant idea when it comes to sparking creativity.
(Concentrate on visuals)Sometimes you can impress w/ sheer lyrical prowness but it's best if a mental image is instantly conveyed w/ your words. If you read your line back to urself and you don't see w/ ur 3rd eye what your talkin about neither will anybody else. Keep at it till the words describe what you seen w/in your own mind.


I think that's all for now. Let me know if you got any questions. peace

Aqueous Moon
11-09-2005, 08:16 AM
Peace Eric

Thanks cousin!

Really good feedback about the choppy flow and the line structures.

Yeah...a zen of lyrics. ha! That's brillant. I'm digging it!

Watch out!!

Visionz
11-09-2005, 08:18 AM
I'll be waiting for it. ;) peace

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 08:26 AM
dont listen to eric, he is just trying to get in your pants

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 08:26 AM
:0

hollywoodrealty
11-09-2005, 08:27 AM
just fucken around, eric could break down a mother goose rhyme, thats how dedicated he is about rhyming, he will always tell u where u doing good, and where u fucked up

Visionz
11-09-2005, 04:56 PM
I like the idea of an army of mc's^, figure the earlier you get the good shit the better, nawmean. But yeah, I'll help out anybody that ask for it. You gotta give out freely what was given to you. I really believe that. peace yall

Potent1
11-11-2005, 01:23 AM
bery nice Aqueous Moon - glad to see anotha lady spitta

ABOVE
11-11-2005, 01:31 AM
shoot da fade what up!

ABOVE
11-11-2005, 01:41 AM
wu banga to the fullest even if they dont know ... who this is in the biz bout to come up heavy when i bang what try to run up aint got nothing on me slugs never miss mothafucka get struck stuck with the deadly steel how it feel from the real where punk bitches get hurt put in hertz from the worse way out to get pay so you know its shoot to kill all day.

Aqueous Moon
11-11-2005, 12:46 PM
bery nice Aqueous Moon - glad to see anotha lady spitta
Peace Potent 1

Thanks...I peeped yo flow you got skillz - you holding it down real well fo' tha ladies. Keep it up!

Potent1
11-11-2005, 12:49 PM
yeah ma - thoroughbred, lol - dude knows whats good...

nut_end
11-12-2005, 09:03 AM
take shots at the pot filled with luck to earn my buck
when i go for the horns calling my own sojourn
down the road or up the path add subtract to math
map id ticks like a twitch to anttics of the schiz though
not in frenzy with plenty of whats good in taste bad
in haste form little states of mental wards to herald
shine sheen for the bull comes clean for us like horus
sitting pretty not that gold with glitery containing more
soul than spirituality meeting physicals in the crock pot
of reality so shoot at cracks like stress to frag mentals
fragmented from fracture enrapture on the lady who
be shady wrapped in a hazy maze of life saying due strife.