View Full Version : Masturbation in the Church Bathroom

Ayatollah Prolific
11-10-2005, 01:27 PM
There are a lot of corny threads it seems lately. I was hoping to add one that was a little more fun to read.

This thread is for the worst (often most embarassing) thing that you have done in your life. Something that you are ashamed of. It is entitled "Masturbation in the Church Bathroom", because I thought of it while painting a mural at a mosque, I never actually did it. But my worst thing, is as follows:

I and a couple of friends were in Madrid, Spain at a topless bar. The topless female asked me to buy her a drink...and she ordered a rum and coke. She gave me a couple of kisses and stroked my pecker. I then asked to her, um, how much is all of this. She told .....pesetas (which came out to about 85 US dollars that I didn't have on me). My friends that were their did not pay for their girls drinks... I was the only one who did so. I told my friends... we gotta make a break for it.

The plan was for me to pretend like I was going out to the bathroom, and then run through the door and have the bouncer chase me. They were going to then make their break for it.

I ran...pushed the bouncer out of the way... he chased after me, but he was too fat, and he had a don johnson suite on. My friends almost made it to the door, but they got held and arms twisted and choked.

I waited for them at the hostel when I got back. They came about 2 hours later with black eyes and bruises. ALL BECAUSE OF MY STUPIDITY (I should have gotten head if that shit was gonna happen). In any event, I felt felt guilty about it ever since. When ever they're in trouble, I am always the first one to come to blows or get snuck. ( I do so, because I feel like I owed them big time for my screw up)


11-10-2005, 03:04 PM
yeah word. umm i can't think of anything but i'll get back to this in a couple hours, cuz i'll probably do something i regret between now and then.

11-10-2005, 03:08 PM
Damn They came back bruised up and blackend eyes LMAO

Ayatollah Prolific
11-10-2005, 03:09 PM
^^^^ Yup, and may I add at that point, I felt like I had a pussy on my forehead.

11-10-2005, 03:13 PM
LMAO I always dislike going to strip bars cuz why pay for some rubbing when you can get the kitty cat at some bar or club for the price of a few drinks

11-10-2005, 04:23 PM
This had nothing to do with masturbating in the church bathroom...

11-10-2005, 05:57 PM
i was like 11 or 12... and i took a handfull of horse shit and squeezed it and rubbed it all over my hands just cause some fag said i didn't have the guts to do it....

11-10-2005, 10:36 PM
eh the worst thing I ever did was tell one of my friends that I thought she was a lesbian. I'm still friends with her and have apologized alot, but I still kinda regret that shit.

The Unknown Disciple
11-10-2005, 10:52 PM
worst thing I ever did that I'm willing to talk about is i didnt take my epilepsy medication and went snowboarding at the local sky hill up here, when i was on the ski lift about 30 feet in the air I had a seizure and fell off the lift. I woke up and i was surrounded by ambulance ppl, later that day i found out I cracked a bone in my back.

baby jesus
11-10-2005, 10:57 PM
One Time I Was At A Party And It Was All These Hot Chicks There And I Backpedaled Into A Baby Pool I Was Fuckin Embarresed Bad, Soakin Wet There Rest Of The Time.

Jesus Shootin Heroin
11-11-2005, 07:30 AM
I asked this guy to have sex with me. Damn- what was I thinking?

Embarrassing shit.

11-11-2005, 09:21 AM
^^ hahah.

11-11-2005, 10:05 AM
I asked this guy to have sex with me. Damn- what was I thinking?

Embarrassing shit.
Damn girl you desperate or something??

11-11-2005, 10:41 AM
Me and a few mates, there was about 20 of us, were out walking the streets on a weekend when we was about 15/16. About 10 of us piled back to my mates pad about 11ish coz it was winter and fucking cold, we was there for a bit getting mashed, then we decided to do some shotties, (bubbling pipe thing in a bottle) but the pipe was at my house about 5 mins away. So a mate, his lass and me took a walk to grab it. We got to mine, i put the decks on for a bit, did a few shotties and we didnt move after that. Anyway, somehow i ended up on the bed with my mates bird while he fell asleep on the floor after too much cider and stinking resin, lol, the pudding!! Anyway, me and her started going at it, i was pulling out all the skills and shit, then she said the decorators were in! ( that time of the month) So I stuck it in her arse, and to this day ive never known a mucky little tart love it in her arse like she did. This is all with my mate on the floor curled up under my decks, while i'm giving his lass it up her arse!!! lol. She sucked me off after aswell, I did go in the bathroom for a quick rinse but I still cant believe she did it. She was only 16 at the time.

Anyway he sat bolt upright while shes sucking me off, bearing in mind the lights are all off and shit, and i'm like, " oh, have you found the tv remote yet" to his lass, as i'm laid on my back and shes laid right over me. He laid back down and didnt say shit, I dont know to this day if he saw anything or not.

Anyway, when we was getting it on i'm talking all this shit saying we'll have an afair and shit, and shes like yeah lets do it, saying she didnt really like him anyway and all this.

So in the morning my dad brought us a breakfast and that, were sat at the table yer, shes sat next to me and shes grabbing my dick and that, HER FELLAS SAT RIGHT THER OPPOSITE. Fuck i didnt think she really thought I meant that shit.

I week later i told him the full story. I'm a mother fucker I know. And if he wasnt pig-ugly i'd watch him near my lass now, coz he owes me.

Pt 2 coming soon

Jabba Jaw
11-11-2005, 11:18 AM
damn thats some dodgy shit man!
cant believe hea aint see you

a couple of months ago me n my girl went to visit her brother at his flat(appartment)
anyway we ended up goin to a few clubs n shit n being me, i ended up gettin absoloutley wasted.
we was walking back to her brothers flat n i started to feel realy sick, bear in mind i had never met my girls pops before.
but anyways i fell over on the front lawn of some random house n started hurling all over the grass n shit. the fuckin house turned out to be her pop's house man!
he came runnin out the front door like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN!?!?!?!?!
lol i was meant to be meeting him the next day but we met a lil early ha ha
the first time her pops see's me im totaly hammered n throwin up on his fuckin lawn!
i couldnt go round to meet him the next day n i think its safe to say he fuckin hates me

11-11-2005, 12:07 PM
i fucked my best friends younger sister on thier couch, while he was in bed with his girl, her mom was in bed with her man, and younger brother was in bed...with his hand. not exactly embarrasing but, he dont know, and this is like 8 years ago.

i fucked my other friends girl on his couch, he was being a prick, we was supposed to go vinyl shopping out of town and i was supposed to meet him at his house, he's already gone by the time i get to his, she answers door in a bath robe, tells me he's gone and she invites me in, we chill for a while have a quick drink, then she sits next to me on the couch, puts her feet up on my knees, lets her robe fall open a little then.........ta dow....on the couch. after we done, i leave, go to bus station to go out of town, see if i cant meet up with him there, i get there (2hour bus ride) and he's waiting at the bus stop to come back, so i made him chill for another couple of hours in nottingham, came back home and chilled at his house for a couple of hours with some alcohol & weed listening to the records we just bought, him & his girl sat on the couch like they all in love. awkward aint quite the word for it. this was like 10 years ago nearly, and as far as i know....he doesnt.

11-30-2008, 03:30 AM
lol bump

11-30-2008, 10:53 AM
i was like 11 or 12... and i took a handfull of horse shit and squeezed it and rubbed it all over my hands just cause some fag said i didn't have the guts to do it....


11-30-2008, 11:04 AM
I'm surprised to hear that some men go to church to find women.

Professor Poopsnagle
11-30-2008, 11:18 AM
i was like 11 or 12... and i took a handfull of horse shit and squeezed it and rubbed it all over my hands just cause some fag said i didn't have the guts to do it....

Art Vandelay
11-30-2008, 02:17 PM
my most embarassing thing is a girl i fucked. i was drunk and on a drought and she was disgusting. if i was ever out with my friends and ran into her again and she mentioned it, i would kill her and all of my friends to keep it secret.