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Knok-A-Fella
06-22-2005, 08:38 AM
before u read this 16
i was asked by a mate of mine to write a verse about religion but not how good it is but how bad it is
i saw this as a challenge to test my lyricism so i accepted
i mean no offence to anyone on this forum
if u get offended by the verse please leave criticsim explainin ur problems
ONCE AGAIN I APOLOGISE IF U GET OFFENDED

greatest warriors of this world even the romans all fell
there armies had there flaws like the crak in the liberty bell
wen my service for this world is finished i gotta tell
jesus reportin to u ive finished my sentence in hell
on this plain of existence also known as a pilgrim
if were all god sons doesnt that make all of us his children
christianity is fallin like the twin tower buildings
gods a murderer, ye thats right he kills things
so u pathetic religious freaks get real feel the grievous
effects of life just like roman julius ceasers
wot the fuks so special about this bastard called jesus
he didnt sacrifice his life they killed him with meat cleavers
they poked holes thru his flesh like a tribeman savage
leavin his soul to evaporate whilst the sun ravaged
dont forget mary got pregnant there wasnt no marriage
does that mean she wud have killed the savour if she had a micarriage

Bless,1
P.S: feedback is greatly appreciated

Dae Ja Nae
06-22-2005, 09:30 AM
before u read this 16
i was asked by a mate of mine to write a verse about religion but not how good it is but how bad it is
i saw this as a challenge to test my lyricism so i accepted
i mean no offence to anyone on this forum
if u get offended by the verse please leave criticsim explainin ur problems
ONCE AGAIN I APOLOGISE IF U GET OFFENDED

greatest warriors of this world even the romans all fell
there armies had there flaws like the crak in the liberty bell
wen my service for this world is finished i gotta tell
jesus reportin to u ive finished my sentence in hell
on this plain of existence also known as a pilgrim
if were all god sons doesnt that make all of us his children
christianity is fallin like the twin tower buildings
gods a murderer, ye thats right he kills things
so u pathetic religious freaks get real feel the grievous
effects of life just like roman julius ceasers
wot the fuks so special about this bastard called jesus
he didnt sacrifice his life they killed him with meat cleavers
they poked holes thru his flesh like a tribeman savage
leavin his soul to evaporate whilst the sun ravaged
dont forget mary got pregnant there wasnt no marriage
does that mean she wud have killed the savour if she had a micarriage

Bless,1
P.S: feedback is greatly appreciated

Non taken ... but Damn ... and I mean damn!! This was some harsh isht ... written from a very dark perspective. However, from a lyrical POV, I would have to say it's very sound and well thought out. Your delivery was very powerful, eventhough it really made me, as a reader, take a couple of steps back to wonder if you really feel this way. All in all ... nice work.

Peace

100pr00f
06-22-2005, 10:47 AM
yea u got some sick lines keep posten

Knok-A-Fella
06-22-2005, 10:52 AM
fanx for the criticism

appreciated
keep the feedback comin

Bless, 1

GuardianOne
06-23-2005, 02:14 AM
I don't think you fully expressed what you wanted (not on a personal view though)i mean lyrically. And you just kept to one moment in time (or history that is) Miracles, saints, tribes, holy things, unknown fathers (children who don't know their real parents), covered up stories, how people always want to make their side seem better.



Hey why do you think there's punishment, sin, firgiveness, heaven and hell. Everyone knows people are a problem ( why do you think there's so much )?



Work on it, the more specific (the better you will progress in your content). And i thought you kept using the same general knowledge. Investigate some info, get more broad! But i don't think you took the challenge of the topic,correct me if iam wrong?

I hope it makes any sense. But nice try, we expect more posts from you (and that's on any subject also)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace

Knok-A-Fella
06-23-2005, 08:36 AM
that was the challenge set by my frend

to use only the information i know myself

as im not the religious type man

but fanx for the criticism

Bless,1

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
06-23-2005, 11:32 AM
This is a work in progress
please go over it and get even deeper
I know this is good work but I also know you can elaborate
PEACE nice script!!