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Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 10:48 AM
i move swiftly, silently like a worm in the grass
moves so slick, u dont realize im watchin yo ass
at last, i make my move, prounce at the count of two
1,2 i start to walk faster, runnin after you
you herd something turn to look back
but im too slick already caught ur napsack
a scream tries to escape from between ur lips
i cover ur mouth, and shank u in the hips
blood drips, leakin on the bricks
of the sidewalk, im runnin aint no time to walk
ur eyes are lookin at me as cold as a hawk
ur strugglin hard, breath steady, heavy
take u back to my chevy, with every
struggle, ur gettin more weak
i open the car door throw u in the back seat
u begin to admit defeat, theres no use
u stop moving, just begging me to turn u loose
i laugh as tie tie ur arms an feet in a noose
i get in the front seat turn the keys and drive
ur wishin u wasnt alive, turn a corner and arrive
at the place where you will meet ur fate
i get out the car and grab the 10inch knife
slowly cut off your fingers, you fear for your life
next comes the toes, blood runnin down the nose
here goes, the last cut my friend
i slit your throat and im sorry,
but this is the end

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 10:57 AM
i dont have any experience just wanna know what people think

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 01:20 PM
u lay in bed thinkin, remisicin
starin at the ceilin wishin
that u dont have to live like this in
ghetto habitats, all around no one cares
we givin our cries for help, nobody there
we mineswell start fuckin sendin out flares
awareness, is a powerful tool
u have to be wise, dont treat it like a fool
and then youll, forget about the pain
and start trying to do somethin, take reign
dont die out, keep ur flame burnin
theres something beatiful inside us all
but were all just learning, yearning,
eager to collect, the information
that makes us want to think more
therefore, in my conclusion
the solution is simple, wash out the negativity
and replace it with responsibility

Edgar Erebus
04-12-2006, 02:05 PM
Deep. Keep workin

na diel
04-12-2006, 02:14 PM
Keep on with it...we all must strive for self improvement....peace

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 02:16 PM
thx for comments ill keep working at my rhymes, and hopefully get better

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-12-2006, 02:43 PM
Not bad - sentence forms especialy ;) good work - cruel like the reality as in your rhymes ;) Keep up homie! it's time to do something more ;) So let's do it!

PEACE

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 03:03 PM
In this cold world,theres nobody u can trust
this whole earth is filled with envy and lust
theres one thing we have to do, we must
is to learn to live with each other, dont fuss
we dont understand that everyones equal
whether ur black or white, were still all people
its not the gun that killed the man, guns arent lethal
its the stupid motherfucka that pulled the trigger
the guns not the one trying to feel bigger
a gun will just sit there, it wont shoot itself
the only way it can shoot is if it gets some help
dont try to help the gun, try to help urself
and if we all contribute to this factor,
instead of gunshots there will now be laughter
so everybody put ur hands together
and we will try to forget about this fuckin chapter

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 03:10 PM
yeah dogg i try to keep my rhymes real, make them so that people understand what im writing about, so that they can feel my rhymes not just read them, u know what im sayin?

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 03:29 PM
u cannot compete wit da beat i be droppin
its sleek obsolete and hip-hop poppin
i flow like tha wind and swim like tha seas
after u hear one line ull be fallin to yo knees
its like a disease that spreads so rapidly
when i start my rhyme, i leave no casualties
gradually, ill make my way to you
and when im through, ull be wishin u never knew
what me an my homies just did to yo crew
well bust through and stomp yall down
ill make u kiss my shoes and shine my crown
im the best, the illest hustla in town
whats with the frown?
u dont like bein stepped upon
left, no mom, to save u dis time
ur forced to be encountered by the rhyme
thers no time for cryin wipe those tears
then get the fuck up and grab me a beer
u leave in fear no intentions of comin back
u start to run i follow close behind, grab yo knapsack
strike u in the spine, push u to the ground
take out my nine, no one hears a sound
round hole left in yo head, im guessin yous dead
thats what u get for disrespectin my reign
u lame little prick, i told u not to fuck wit
the slickest rapper becuz im also insane

i made this rhyme up on the freestyle thread, thought it was alright so im layin it here. tell me what u think

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-12-2006, 03:41 PM
yeah dogg i try to keep my rhymes real, make them so that people understand what im writing about, so that they can feel my rhymes not just read them, u know what im sayin?

ABSOLUTELY man! This is what this rap assignment calls for ;) For the truth about everything - not bullshit smoke ;) So keep up - these lines are worth gold ;) But don't take It - maybe just give some for charity :D :D :D Some practise and you'll be great ;) I'm sayin'!

PEACE!!!

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-12-2006, 03:45 PM
u cannot compete wit da beat i be droppin
its sleek obsolete and hip-hop poppin
i flow like tha wind and swim like tha seas
after u hear one line ull be fallin to yo knees
its like a disease that spreads so rapidly
when i start my rhyme, i leave no casualties
gradually, ill make my way to you
and when im through, ull be wishin u never knew
what me an my homies just did to yo crew
well bust through and stomp yall down
ill make u kiss my shoes and shine my crown
im the best, the illest hustla in town
whats with the frown?
u dont like bein stepped upon
left, no mom, to save u dis time
ur forced to be encountered by the rhyme
thers no time for cryin wipe those tears
then get the fuck up and grab me a beer
u leave in fear no intentions of comin back
u start to run i follow close behind, grab yo knapsack
strike u in the spine, push u to the ground
take out my nine, no one hears a sound
round hole left in yo head, im guessin yous dead
thats what u get for disrespectin my reign
u lame little prick, i told u not to fuck wit
the slickest rapper becuz im also insane

i made this rhyme up on the freestyle thread, thought it was alright so im layin it here. tell me what u think


You can go to Hip - Hop battles with your skills ;) really - blows up the roof sometimes :D Just some practise, some hard work and sharp thoughts ;) this rhyme is not bad - but I think you can better :D Joking - It's good enough!

PEACE!!!

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 03:54 PM
yo thanks bro fo sho, i never thought i had skillz i thought i sucked mann thaanks

Vernakular
04-12-2006, 04:04 PM
u lay in bed thinkin, remisicin
starin at the ceilin wishin
that u dont have to live like this in
ghetto habitats, all around no one cares
we givin our cries for help, nobody there
we mineswell start fuckin sendin out flares
awareness, is a powerful tool
u have to be wise, dont treat it like a fool
and then youll, forget about the pain
and start trying to do somethin, take reign
dont die out, keep ur flame burnin
theres something beatiful inside us all
but were all just learning, yearning,
eager to collect, the information
that makes us want to think more
therefore, in my conclusion
the solution is simple, wash out the negativity
and replace it with responsibility

simple but good, cuz, u bringin the gza's story tellin flavor

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-12-2006, 04:16 PM
Definetely agree! ;)

Ja man peace - lagalaizz kanabyzz, ja man peace - fuck da polyzz :D :D :D

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 04:25 PM
yeah i like keepin my rhymes simple so peeps actually no what im talkin bout

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 04:50 PM
i like to smoke a few joints in the mornin
smoke a few blunts at noon,
empty a few bowls in the evenin
man im goin be hungry soon, ye ye ye

when im bored an have nothin betta ta do
i meet up with my peeps, and smoke them too
me an my homie were walkin to skool one day
blazed off our ass from some hawaiin hay
laughin chillin and have a good time
didnt even care that we commited a crime
we were wanderin aimlessly out in the street
started feelin hungry so went to go eat
as i got to the store i noticed i had no cash
so what did i do?
i went to smoke some more hash!
by the time we were done i was trippin balls
got to school an started runnin through the halls
my teacher stopped me an said whats wrong
i said damn, i just smoked off a bong!
he grabbed my shirt and dragged me outside
he said to me lets go for a ride
i said ok so i went inside
his car smelt of something i had done before
he leaned over to me and said, "do u have anymore?"

i like to smoke a few joints in the mornin
smoke a few blunts at noon,
empty a few bowls in the evenin
man im goin be hungry soon, ye ye ye

mann this is my favourite rhyme

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 05:00 PM
tell me what yall think about it

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 07:05 PM
im seein random faces, people in places
big disgraces, all talkin that shit, racist
face it, its lurkin out there, it survives
im just tryin to eat my fries,
seein this shit wit my own eyes
you people are like flies,
feeding off of this bullshit, whats wrong?
cant u see what im tryin to stress in this song?
why the fuck is it takin so long, for people to know
how to go with the proper flow, ur all hollow
people just follow other people, thats all they know
how to do, they have no clue, what is really true
if someone said theyed jumped off a bridge and flew
i bet you a hundred other fuckers would try it too
if only yall can try seein with ur own eyes
instead of lookin through someone elses,
youd be surprised, and look at things a diferent way
thats it, im threw, thats all i came here to say

Tha Double-P
04-12-2006, 08:41 PM
im the illest mothafucka ull eva come across
u best respect me, but if u dont, get lost
nigga, floss those lies out yo teeth
me an u both know aint no one betta then me
fo sho sho, u know know, i flow flow
u just a fake nigga, a wannabe, u slow slow
naa, u dont know, ill gauge yo eyes out
will u see it then? gimme a shout-out
its the roundabout, bitch i couldnt care less
im jus slingin dis to get the stress off my chest
im tha best, maddest mothafucka in town
u da clown, u hear a sound turn around
as soon as u see me u no u goin down
come see me on the other side
ill be around in a few, i havent yet died,
let me finish my brew, then ill stomp on ur crew
like a kangaroo, then u can see them too
i rule, materfact i make the rules
u all just fools followin how i cruise
wipe the blood off that bruise,
then bend the fuck down and kiss my shoes
u old news, no one care bout u no more
the only time theyll be talking is when
yo bodie wash up on shore

Tha Double-P
04-13-2006, 01:24 PM
negative thoughts swirlin round the brain
the pain, mental drive to turn thy insane
the fame, contantly revolves around the game,
ur name, known not by the world on the outside
a thought, stuck traveling around on the doubtside
this place is cavin in, knowingly, but not spoken
leeches do not see, cant keep there eyes open
were all stuck hopin, left alone in the night
blinded by the light, cannot see what is right
we all must take flight, turn this shit round
and start lisening by the words, not by the sound
the place is like frostbite, numbed by the pain
were all dying in vein, its time to take reign
it should be flipped over, like food in a pan
were being forgotten, like a little grain of sand
its time to take hand, do what we must
believe in each other, learn how to trust
we have to cooperate, only then we will see
start living for us, thers no need for greed
we shall all come together,do what needs to be done
instead of growing apart, melting under the sun
if the outside dont like it, tell them to come in
theyll see how it feels, burning with sin
if we start right away, therel be a new day
new flowers will bloom, therel be much more to say
so put down ur 9s and ur gats or whatever
and let us start now, itll last us forever

Tha Double-P
04-13-2006, 01:50 PM
Someone comment on what they think plz, i take any type of criticism lol

Tha Double-P
04-13-2006, 05:14 PM
u stupid motherfuckers, u dont know nothin
i take ur beat to the ground, and turn it to somthin
u ruthless little pricks, ill make u bleed with the force
u suck big fat dick, and yet get no intercourse
u fucking make me sick, ill spit on ur kind
theres no escape, ur ass is stuck in this rhyme
ur dumb def and blind, ima give u a sign
u unthankful little swine, ill drink ur blood like its wine
ur a shame, its time to meet your fate
ima squeeze this shit out of you,
like u was orange juice from concentrate,
its time ta comtemplate, with this shit i be stressin
ull be the first to test out my brand new smith n wessen

sabinnchung
04-13-2006, 07:26 PM
to me its decent your last drop. but as you notice already this site doesn't leave feedback that much.

Tha Double-P
04-13-2006, 07:33 PM
yeah thats true lol, do you know one that does?

Vernakular
04-13-2006, 07:58 PM
rapn4fx

Tha Double-P
04-13-2006, 08:54 PM
Hey yo nigga, check out this fucking fagget
ur rhymes is weak, ill rip off ur head and bag it
then pack it, in yo fat-ass mommas suitcase
deliver it personally, to see the look on her face
ur a disgrace, bend down and tie yo shoelace
so u dont trip when u try to keep up with my pace
look at this bitchs style, go get some new threads
when i walk down the street, u best believe im turnin heads
peoples are wettin beds, call the feds, im on a rampage
they darkenin my brightness, like theys is lampshades
ur styles nothing, like a nigga standin in the shade
it fades, blends in like it wasnt even there
when i bust a beat, im blowing up like flares
im takin shares, making yo hairs stand on end
i dont just follow, i start the trends, got all the friends
u aint got shit, open yo mouth ill spit in it,
then take yo bag and piss in it, ya feelin dis?
my rhymes are smooth and crisp, u little snitch
ill throw u in a ditch and sew u like a stich
im too hype for you, u cant stop my flows
u got less skills then Micheal Js got nose

Tha Double-P
04-18-2006, 03:55 PM
Anyone got anything to say?!

Tha Double-P
05-24-2006, 05:41 PM
just a little feedback...i need criticism to improve plzzz.....

Tha Double-P
05-24-2006, 06:30 PM
i make moves, load glocks, pull clips from the 22s
have ya heard the news? i left ur ass wit a bit more then a bruise
i do to you what aunt laurain does to cocaine
and when im finished, ill spark up that mary jane
ill leave u in the ER, hooked up to the i.v
alone in the night, no one hears u cry silently
computer chip technolgy, aint nobody stoppin me
i put a stitch, watch u twitch, thats my last philosophy

Classic
05-24-2006, 07:03 PM
Truthfully, you're bringing stuff that I've seen/heard before. A lot of plain concepts. Not to mention, you're bringing NO MULTIS what-so-ever. You're leavin' with nothing but end-rhymes to go off of which leaves it with a kind of boring tone. Truthfully, these are all just mediocre drops, keep postin' though. You should get better. Also, get creative with lines, especially punchlines. Don't just rap about "I'll leave you dead / I'll shoot you / Put you in the hospital/" Stuff like that is just TOO played out. Come up with more creative punchlines then that. Too see what I mean, check out punchlines used in "The Battlefield" threads. Stay up man, keep postin'.

Tha Double-P
05-25-2006, 11:40 AM
aight, ill try that thx for criticism, i new i had something missin or wtv but i didnt no what it was, thisll help me alot