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J-Man
04-17-2006, 03:29 PM
I'm taking a chance in chancing a second chance
creating the chants advancing to let them prance
& making them pant, with tounge flapping like a dog
trapping fright in fogs, some what acting like a god
hacking life thats odd this time i need to prevail
not seeing the hell remind me to breath and inhale
proceed to exhale so focused that things merge
notice surringed serge with soul hopelessly absurd
lotus leaf as words exept shock for the symbols
lot in bindle you get knocked more than pinballs
top me with thimbles it stops me feeling a prick
congealing the sick this drops revealing my wit
be healing so quick once a fist has left my flesh
is oppresed death which i committed by speech
lays rigid defeat this was ommitted from heat
ways livid to each from alcers multiplying
consult the dieing on altered hope of trying
envoke with sizing like that of mad kanines teeth
rehav made mine meet the opposing sides concered
frozon time returns from composing rhymes to learn

i diss guys like spys no more desprise my fight dies
deprived high life ride rewards revised with bright eyes
decide to write why ive mustered together hate
scare like weathers traits combuts so to eminate
show you sentenced grace signifying crusafix
try to conclude it live to die intrudes my wish
my excuse to give show the way like the north star
day light eforced scars over wage when i fought far
amen distraught pars enlighten the next attempts
ive effects of lent worth tightens correct contempt
a rejective scent pull strings attatched like plectrums
prahaps perfection lighting refracts like spectrums
mishap preception risk raps reception......to me
blood red as rubys relapsed direction you see
infection to these wounds im peppering with salt
vettering results doomed as yet during assaults
let the whims consult try stop winds involved quickly
limbs will blow sickly with knockings to roll briskly
the controls risky like of nuculear matter
use this to scatter as vesuvius stature
how did plates clatter cos of dubious rapture

trying to be me but not slimey like sea weed
find i live freely like a tribe in a teepee
rhyming so peachy james could live in it easy
Cynics are needy hope diminished and knee deep
pivot and see these middle fingers flip sternly
hindered this firmly riddles lingered concern me
limber to burn me from the past atrocities
math of prosady now the labs defrost me
i can rock the seas with propertys of the moon
common what consumes our earth surface completely
heard it for treatys far worse purpose depletes me
adverse the creep crawlies that sprawl me badly
to dual these baddys is my last preffered trail
math deters smiles soon lambaste refferred styles
mass conjured while i offer what the nile
did to egyptians your coblers wont revile
give the decriptions of depicting inscriptions
scripting my writtens on set stand of papyrus
man is the virus i expand like an irus
scanning the mindless with zombified attacks
strong, surviving scrap without comprimising that.



yo people gave me a shout on what yall thought of dis took a while working on it not one of my best bits but thought i wud post it

J-Man
04-17-2006, 03:33 PM
glad to see u like it and dont put me down on my age i will post some more shit soon as soon as i come up wid some fresh shit

Locust
04-17-2006, 03:44 PM
word i'm 15 too, it don't make any difference.... it was sick tho, u used alot of vocab and it was very abstract.. keep posting

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-17-2006, 03:48 PM
FUCK! I'm the eldest here!!! almost 17!!! lol (and the dumbest I think) :D Anyway - glad to see the 'brothers in werds' ;) I want to read more of ya work too. Fresh meet... Mmmm... Meet for the hungry brain ;)

J-Man
04-17-2006, 03:55 PM
shit liek i cant believe all y'all aint dissin my work i give yall big props for givin me respect on my work and i will b bk wid some more shit just not sure how long itll b guys just look out 4 da name

J-Man
04-17-2006, 03:56 PM
oh and all da vocab in this one is pretty much a one off not usaly that in depth still indepth but not that much

J-Man
04-18-2006, 03:12 PM
im dropping lyrical bombs, like babies from new found moms
me & superstition? fuck dat raps my lucky charms
these bombs hitting the wall, make everything fall
u shud crawl, to my feet; im the Emcee masta
lyrical blastha, you just the past-sir, J-Man's da future

yeh dis is some short rhymes but dis is along da sorta lines dat i Emcee so give me a shout out n hints and tips on how to improve my rhymes, chrz

Jay_Cross [7th sun]
04-20-2006, 12:18 PM
Yep yep... The end... Could do It better... The flow - good, vocab - 50 : 50, rhytm - in the beginning - good, in the end - the end is the place where you smack your final punch! That's why - only 4/10. Write something like - 16 lines at least, then I'll say something good ;) (I mean not shitty lines - pay attention!) That's all bro! Keep up! I'm not sayin' "you suck", I'm sayin' that you can better - I believe in your skills :D

J-Man
04-22-2006, 04:57 AM
chrz man will do like im new to dis shit n ull see in most of the stuff i put down ill be askin for tips n dat and advise cos i dont have a gr8 idea wat im doing so tis always gr8 to have some ppl help me out

J-Man
05-01-2006, 02:00 PM
i can see all my wrongs comin back at me, im finding it hard to cope with reality
man what can the problem be, shits fuck up my lifes a tradegy.
how do i escape this atmosphere, push this aside and make things clear
do some drugs, snort some coke, thats not a sustainable way to cope
thinking about topping my-self, grabbing loads of pills from the bathroom shelf,
but comeing to my senses, and relize thats not a sensible way to end this.


These voices getting more louder, these things i hear making me less prouder,
memories from my past, the drugs and drink i knew they couldnt last,
but why do i hear it im a changed guy, no longer smoke, no longer high,
never could stand the drink, so why is this bothering me let me think,
did i tell someone else to follow me, get fucked up and feel more free,
not that can remember though, too much drink n too much blow.


Where ever i am these vocies do call, on the court playing ball,
screaming in my ear drumb, now my left arm going numb,
oh shit no i cant be, i was told this shouldnt happen for another century,
heart beats faster breathing alot quicker, my mates don't believe it either,
is this it is this the end, things running through my mind driving me round the bend,
heart attck at this age in life, fuck going out like that ill need a knife.

J-Man
05-01-2006, 02:01 PM
yo i think i got the first line from some otha guys rhymes on ere but not sure if i did then sorri bruv

Killer Falcon
05-02-2006, 03:38 PM
this was pretty good. the flow was decent, but i think it needs to be tidied up a bit in places. you seem to be putting two bars in each line, it may be easier to have a more balanced flow if you half each one of your lines. this was good lyrically but sounds a bit repetitive in places. nice overall

peace

adedwutang
05-03-2006, 03:01 PM
i was feelin that verse man, remember that if u really wanna flo ryte to get some simple instrumentals, something that matches ur style and then think of a rythm in ur head, the words will come naturally and if not, dont force it cuz its usually shit wen u do. keep postin
get at me-