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White_Mouse
05-03-2006, 05:19 PM
alright my name is "White_Mouse". I am an amatuar emcee and i also will
dabble into beatmaking sometimes. I am a HUGE fan of the wu-tang clan
because they are expert lyricists. I have been rapping for about 3 years and
alot of cats say they like my stuff. That's why i am here is to show yall what
I can do. any comments would be most helpful.

verse 1 (of "Elevate") by mouse (that's me)

Turn my mic up, and give me some time to speak
these stories i tell more than what's written in diaries//
my life is unabridged, always in it's entirety
ispit it with calrity, true to the picture and filled with sincerity//
I'm just a child that grew up in moderate povery
was taught to repspect my elders and honer soverign honesty//
but i didn't listen to this advice, i was headstrong and rebellious
i still am infact, that's why i write, so no can quell this hellion//
I'm still searchin, lyrically for promtion in industry
blowin up to infinity, and use this gift JAHOVA has given me// (not Jay-Z)
So i write these bars and attack withim as a remnant of TRUE HIP-HOP
I'll fight to the death, sword in hand, even after the MU-SIC STOPS// (music said in 2 syllables)

(opinions please)

Father N Dangerous
05-04-2006, 12:53 AM
word this is a tight drop, and i like wu-tang too, and i hope everyone at this site also enjoys them heh. but u got skills keep blessin n stay up famo

GuardianOne
05-04-2006, 02:05 AM
I suppose you were busting? Keep posting.

Peace
PS: Keep up the good work!

White_Mouse
05-04-2006, 04:39 PM
aight thanx yall...i'll be getting better REAL SOON though. LOL

White_Mouse
05-08-2006, 04:49 PM
ok here's another one

i write swiftly, my wrist be
movin at top speeds, victory
is my vision, never stop or retreat
manipulate/
this pencil to move in the right direction
rap as my investment, attack entire regimants
with sickness, that u lie in bed with/
getting high temperatures
rising past the registered/
i'm critacally ill,
agianst weak cats that live in beverly hills
enemies killed/
so when i hold my head high
they fall down on their faces/
i make oppenents into kings
only to decapitate them/

White_Mouse
05-08-2006, 05:48 PM
all tight i'm still looking for input on this one....

uppin.........

Luther Large
05-08-2006, 06:03 PM
ok here's another one

i write swiftly, my wrist be
movin at top speeds, victory
is my vision, never stop or retreat
maipulate/
this pencil to move in the right direction
rap as my investment, attack entire regimants
with sickness, that u lie in bed with/
getting high temperatures
rising past the registered/
i'm critacally ill,
agianst weak cats that live in beverly hills
enemies killed/
so when i hold my head high
they fall down on their faces/
i make oppenents into kings
only to decapitate them/

the ryhme scheme is unorthodox but while i was reading it i had no problem finding the flow u got a good vocab it's good 4 your age and you'll only get better with time and practice since we already see thru your lyrics u have it in you so definetly keep at it


peace....

White_Mouse
05-09-2006, 11:54 AM
man, i am so glad to hear u like it luther. u are one of the emcees on this thread i greatly admire and want to elevate to your status (or even higher)
and i'm not just being a suck up.

White_Mouse
05-09-2006, 11:56 AM
uppin for more feedback....

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 12:27 PM
i like it. peep spokens tracks if his comments are too harsh. Im sure you can easily make fun of him.

White_Mouse
05-09-2006, 12:35 PM
LOL naw man i repsect SPoken as a lyricist. i'll take what he said and try to build from it.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 01:03 PM
its like a fucking quarterback trying to teach you how to catch a ball....b doesnt make since to listen to him.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:36 PM
LOL not such a good emcee? YOUR SHIT CANT EVEN BE UNDERSTOOD. Tek and I were laughing, how do you come in here trying to critique people when you fucking suck. You wanted me to cut all of your shit out cause you knew you couldnt flow. All you do is critique, and you know nothing of my shit. Look in the audio portal, I posted a fuckin snippet of my shit, people loved it. you sound fuckin retarded on the mic, listen to "The One" by spoken, its unbearable. All the sex raps I did in the back were STILL better than your shit. And I was just fucking around.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:37 PM
and i know for a fuckin fact im better lol. post your best track and ill post mine in the audio portal, there will be a vote too ;)

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 04:43 PM
No offense spoke, your writtens is straight fire, but your audio was real dissapointing. Scripted Warfare definately destroys you in that category. He has better flow, a way better voice, and all around better swagger. Not everyone can be an emcee, thats why we have ghost writers.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:45 PM
you fucking critique the fuck out of everyone, acting liek you the overseer, it pisses people off and you dont even know it. Maybe not here, but you do it EVERYWHERE.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 04:46 PM
Not Directed at you, Tek^

No doubt, I'm just speaking real with you.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:47 PM
I only said it cus the verse was random...no real topic...i never said it was wack...

No real topic? His topic is just spitting, bussin, rippin. See thats what the fuck im talking about, you dont even know shit yet you critiquing.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 04:49 PM
White mouse has real potential yo. When his voice develop and he gets a couple years under his belt he gonna surpass all of us older cats. I would put him under my belt if I could.

You fire mouse, don't let anyone discourage you. There's nothing wrong with a random verse btw, everyone does it. You don't always need direction when creating art, if that was the case we wouldn't alot of work to be classic.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 04:53 PM
Nothing wrong with that, you're entitled to your opinion.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:53 PM
"Its Aiight...nothing much to elevate from...as long as you have a good concept for whatever pieces u got in the future, then you're straight"

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:55 PM
No I remember how you used to try to critique my shit. Took me 2 months to be better than you lmfao.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:58 PM
lol... I would take a mash verse and make it hot.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 04:59 PM
yo, you aint shit unless you spit, you cant judge shit anless you spit.

"How you judge me but cant spit" - Me.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:02 PM
listen man, his one audio track he did, his verse shits on everything you have ever done.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:03 PM
you cant critique him, hes better. He should be doing that to you.

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:04 PM
Fuck my beats, I not a beat maker, but who taught you? ME. Stupid ass.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 05:05 PM
watchu talkin bout script, your beats is ill

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:06 PM
I told you how to make beats man, you just advanced form there. owned.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 05:06 PM
just not that chopped and screwed shit, that shit is garbage lol

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:07 PM
LMFAO!!!! GO WEED AND SELL.. that was experimental!!!

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:08 PM
Mutha fucka I told you what a snare and kick was, you were clueless lmfao.

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 05:09 PM
lol yall ruined the shit out mouses thread rofl

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:09 PM
"Yo lucky man, help me make this beat! What the fuck is a snare and a high hat?! What the fuck does sampling mean and how do you do it?!"

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 05:14 PM
hey, what exactly is off?

TeknicelStylez
05-09-2006, 06:16 PM
don't clear my shit about the potential though, thats positive feedback!

White_Mouse
05-09-2006, 07:09 PM
it's cool yall i dont' have ANY beef with what Spoken said. his writtens are straight fire. (haven't heard his audio though). Any way this was kinda the "feedback to mouse on his lyrics" thread. hoewever it turned into "lets hate on eachother" thread. I respect all 3 of u as emcees, u all have skillz no doubt. but maybe mods should clear this stuff out.

White_Mouse
05-09-2006, 07:10 PM
except the feedback! leave that suff ALONE.

LOL

Big Risk
05-09-2006, 07:35 PM
yo mouse, you bout ready to record, I gotta hear a preview. me and you gonna make a banga.

White_Mouse
05-10-2006, 11:49 AM
For real i got a REAL tight beat, i'm recording today.

denaturat
05-10-2006, 02:21 PM
mouse, how do you make your beats? what software do you use?

White_Mouse
05-10-2006, 04:57 PM
i use FL studio 5 (the demo version for now)

White_Mouse
05-12-2006, 07:49 AM
ok here's omthing i posted in the wu-dojo yesterday.

I do this for the love of competin,
i musn't be beatin/
enemies suffer from weakness
i take blades and cut em' to pieces//
this boy just got out rehab,
at home gettin recharged/
I'm on the phone, making prank calls
screamin "jihad"// (muslim holy war)
scared out of they mind,
my victoms flee from the neighborhood/
I chase em' with knives
as i take a disguise
The one that Jason took/ (Jason the monster)
before i murder u, i'll remove my hockey mask/
if you have any last words,
i won't here em'
your last breath will hardly last/

White_Mouse
05-14-2006, 01:07 PM
ha ha soooo true. (i saw 8 mile maybe once but i loved the freestyling and learned from it a lil)
uppin for more opinions.................

the funky drunk
05-14-2006, 02:10 PM
ok here's omthing i posted in the wu-dojo yesterday.

I do this for the love of competin,
i musn't be beatin/
enemies suffer from weakness
i take blades and cut em' to pieces//
this boy just got out rehab,
at home gettin recharged/
I'm on the phone, making prank calls
screamin "jihad"// (muslim holy war)
scared out of they mind,
my victoms flee from the neighborhood/
I chase em' with knives
as i take a disguise
The one that Jason took/ (Jason the monster)
before i murder u, i'll remove my hockey mask/
if you have any last words,
i won't here em'
your last breath will hardly last/

yeah feelin this , some real nice lines in there , we could work together sometime..peace

hit up ma thread , 1

White_Mouse
05-14-2006, 06:49 PM
aight will do man.

White_Mouse
05-31-2006, 04:50 PM
It's been a while
i am the chosen
yet i ain't been postin//
I'm not shady,
i'm still grownin/
maybe i'm not old enough//
to rhyme like he did
give it time they say/
my flow is, atrocious
i'm missing lines, alligned in a phrase//
not to mention a vioce
i sound like a school girl/
i got the name right
the mouse, i'm bound by two worlds//
Hip-Hop and my family,
between them, i choke, cannot breathe/
maybe i should get real job,
but my rhyme book says "don't abbandon me"//

Sirkulayshun
05-31-2006, 09:59 PM
pretty nice verse mouse........nice flo....its creative


i read the other verse 2
this boy just got out rehab,
at home gettin recharged/
I'm on the phone, making prank calls
screamin "jihad"// :thumbup:

keep it up
check my thread sometime
peace

White_Mouse
06-02-2006, 12:28 PM
here's another written.

i don't intend to be the dopest rapper
and grow up faster/
i stay calm, cause i'm armed
under my cloak with daggers//
well equipped and focased,
i don't flinch in front of oppopnents/
come in a little closer,
and i'll slit your throats open//
I'm drastic
they say i'm rash, and overeacting/
i'm impatient, insane with,
a phobia of choking from hanging//
as a criminal, maybe i'm different,
and far from orthodox/
a lyrical menace according to cops,
the police force of hip-hop//
battle scatted and ready,
call in the armada,
Americas most wanted/
the stripes and stars against me,
i barge in with a shotgun//
and blast rounds, i'm back,
grenade fragments,
attack tracks/
the underground menace,
the mouse,
take magnums from my backpack//

JackOfHearts
06-02-2006, 01:42 PM
intrestin, its reminds me a bit of u-god with the short-cut lines and battle atmosphere. keep it up!

White_Mouse
06-02-2006, 01:49 PM
aight thanks prince, uppin for more feedback.

White_Mouse
06-02-2006, 10:18 PM
here's another one, first verse of "i am mouse(hear me roar)"

I don't understand, why are you scared of a mouse?/
i'm just responsible for making tears in your couch//
but u can't find me, i'm buried under your house/
come up for food in the cabinet, and carry it out//
i pull up to the drive-thru, squeak, and order some/
these cheese morsels i stuff, through my oral gums,//
but since last week i've been forced to run/
short of lungs, afflicted with brain dissabilities like forest gump//
mama said i was special, and life is like chocalate/
i like chocalate, infact i might buy a nice box set//
why am i not concious of my content?/
my mind's been fried by dynamite bomb blasts//

White_Mouse
06-05-2006, 04:32 PM
uppin for more opnions. feed me....FEED ME!!!!

White_Mouse
06-08-2006, 05:54 PM
aight her's a another one, i tried kinda of a new rhyme scheme i hope it worked.

listen, somthing is bothering me, honestly/
i hate when fakes desicrate hip-hop's soverignty
and claim to be hard emcees//
i don't understand how they can have a concious/
my bad, i remember, when they saw the cash they forgot about it//
but i haven't, i know they where once fans, wishin to participate//
got an agent, money is true, now their part of this i'm bout to have a heart attack//
my heart is broken/
rap was my life, my eyes on it
but now it's hard to focus//