View Full Version : \\\::.. Ashes Of Men ..::///

06-11-2006, 04:23 PM
Link to audio... the is my first real song of the EP, enjoy:


Ashes Of Men

who stopped a savior, whose past had to be hoaxed
hearts is hollow and truth is hard to swallow
Occam’s Razor just slashed blasphemy’s throat
blame was evaded with no fraction of proof
paints an old picture of saints who sold scriptures
faith was created in the absence of truth
while the situation was weighed more lonely then
trials and tribulations of wayward holy men
who gave bad info for a lastin’ silence
stained-glass windows from an act of violence
ordered war-brethren to take another slaughter
came in and killed cats for shame and the guilt that
tortures your reverend who rapes his youngest daughter
drained from the pain he prayed the raven would show
pulls out a pistol, hair pulled out in fistfuls
aimed for his brain and sprayed his name in the snow
* * * *
it’s lust, checks, judges, drug dealers, crooked cops
makin’ their livin’s, off that satan and sinnin’
suspects, justice, guns, killers, cookin’ rocks
witnesses had, and gift-wrapped some rugged streets
it’s bubbly and friends, ‘cause shit’s lovely but when
business went bad they kidnaped a judge’s niece
legislative figure’s just a crook in disguise
this devastatin’ picture was the look in his eyes
bloodied her kangol, wool is soakin’ in red
uglied and mangled with bullet holes in her head
closed intersections were "random" planned actions
multiple car wrecks are sculpted, we’ll scar debts
foes intercepted the ransom transaction
loners war and find that obsessive forgiveness
ashes of men, death askin’ pass him a pen
closed the door and signed a confession with slit wrists
* * * *
you’ve never sacrificed, you snakes could stop war
in dread or in strife, whether bread or a life
you never have the right to take what’s not yours

Copyright © 2006 Psykosus, The Soulless Survivalist

06-11-2006, 10:46 PM
Solid written as always. Good to see you mixed up the rhyme schemes a little more than usual. That worked well.

But as I have always suspected would be the case, that syllable for syllable for every second line rhyme scheme doesn't come off well in audio, especially when you're flowing that slow. It's hard to pick up on. Doesn't stand out. The consecutive line multis come off nice though.

I've heard all your audio I think. Not much into the spoken word ones, although I can kinda see where you wanna go with it. Could come off pretty well with more experience. I'm not into the "pissed off" sounding delivery either. It's definately good to put some feeling into it, but I think it sounds over the top at times. This song had a pretty good delivery though. I think this one here is your best audio, although I'm still not much into it cos the flow is so slow. But I imagine you're more concerned about getting your words across clearly. It's not a bad listen. Not really my thing, but still pretty interesting I suppose. Definately prefer it over the spoken word style.

06-12-2006, 07:18 AM
This audio was dpfferent....i agree with noel on the mixture of ryme skeme's which was different....I liked the concept....It wasn't as tight and consistant like your other pieces....I think the pissed off voice box shows passion which is good...

keep it moovin

06-12-2006, 11:27 PM
i appreciate the responses