Punishment chamber

[Lil' Ruger]

im only 13 so b e-z lol this the first rap i posted on dis site here go
where it says franchise thats the guy who helped me username on DFB forums he did the see i stay fly one

PUNISHMENT CHAMBER


yo i came up wit da dead flowers dat bloom wit
fuck wit me up ya ass go a broom stick
make yo swallow some boom stick
have ya fuckin guts on da wall
raise my hatchet mad tall
swing it down and u fall
dislocate ya jaw and snap ya neck
then i put u in da oven and like a steak yo bake
until i take u out and u bloody for heavens sake
iron maiden wit skills im dilapitating
den mutilating and decapitating
take a niggas anatomy and annihilate em
den cremate em take his ashhes evaporatem
have you still alive and tossin
layin duck taped up crying in a coffin
da hellish laws im inforcin
i play wit his emotions tie up his kid
den take an axe and split his wig
i unleash da demonic sword from its sheath
and it attacks like a dog straight of his leash
fuck increasin da peace im realesin da beast
i got lill imps holdin his bitch down
as i take the psycotik image of a klown
then i dont frown i show my jaws
and i got a sphinx dat use him to scratch his paws
den i rend da skin from men
to create a dead golem who is da manifestation of hate



theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)


suffering in da hood bitches bufferin ma shit good
armed witta scythe like i should
dis aint for rockin da club
dis is for poppin anigga leave him bleedin from da snub
shit i am death call me da grym reap
or call me cerberus at da gates of hell holdin down ma keep
dis aint no real shit about da streets
its like candles and rituals see
killin vandles but im not da justice you see
ill be damned if a nigga cheat me
cheat death i aint got no patience
fuck dis aint final destination
da only one u going to hell
lock you up inna iron maiden similar to a cell
i got minions who just follow instructions
dey aint got no opinions and duck when im buckin
on da street strutin nigga cross me he aint just gonna be struckin
who u think u yellin at how u think u fuckin
yo now imma get mad raw
hang you by your tongue hook in by ya jaw
hot stung in ur lung my rhymes present no flaws
i know im pimptastic but dis my gritty side
if things get drastic someone gonna die
unholy tactics you be hearin childrens cry
as the blood drips inside ya eye
i cut u like bluberry pie

theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)


see i stay fly
spit a flow dat makes a grown man cry
cummin face to face wid me u know u gonna die
shit wid my glock in my hand
u know im da man
take ur whole crew wid jus a swing of my hand
world domination thats my best plan
nigga u cant stop me not even my mother can
as i attack ya block
u shakin i watch as ya knees knock
i aint even reach my glock yet
nigga take a reality check
im give u time to disappear
before i get my team up in here
wen ut comes to killin dey all wanna sharre
im da baddest kid in here
fuck it im a thug millionaire

(me) Balliztik you have killed on a number of occasions
robbed dealt drugs and have had cheated on many woman what do you have to say for yourself

(Balliztik) I didn’t know I didn’t do it I swear
(Franchise) how should we punish him
(Me) take him to the PUNISHMENT CHAMBER HAHAHAHA
(Franchise) hahahahaha
(Balliztik) nooooooooooooooooooo (echoes)
*gets dragged to hell *
(balliztik) where am i?
(the devil) da inna sanctum


theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)

[Lil' Ruger]

explain what u liked or aint liked most likely da lil skit and ballistik is ma udda rappin friend

[Lil' Ruger]

and if any1 ever wanna do a rap 2 gedda hit me up

[Bloo]

Not a bad rap kid. It seems like at points you're trying to find phrases to make your bars rhyme and even though it'll make sense reading it and analysing it, it'll confuse a person when listening to it especially the first time. I hate to critique especially seeing as how I have no flow but all in all keep workin on it, you show promise.

[Lil' Ruger]

ok ok critukin daz all kool if i think im the best i wont try to improve i got more but i dont wanna spam anymore? and if u saw ma post in graphics arena about needing mixtape cover that song goes on da hardcore 1 all i gots is lyrics so far but enuff for a mixtape and a half imma get one of doe online mic and den download a beat program or w/e and try dat out when i get ma laptop

[Lil' Ruger]

more feed back plz!!!!!

like i said dis goin on ma mixtape (well one of them)

[BLACKNEFERTITI07]

im only 13 so b e-z lol this the first rap i posted on dis site here go
where it says franchise thats the guy who helped me username on DFB forums he did the see i stay fly one

PUNISHMENT CHAMBER


yo i came up wit da dead flowers dat bloom wit
fuck wit me up ya ass go a broom stick
make yo swallow some boom stick
have ya fuckin guts on da wall
raise my hatchet mad tall
swing it down and u fall
dislocate ya jaw and snap ya neck
then i put u in da oven and like a steak yo bake
until i take u out and u bloody for heavens sake
iron maiden wit skills im dilapitating
den mutilating and decapitating
take a niggas anatomy and annihilate em
den cremate em take his ashhes evaporatem
have you still alive and tossin
layin duck taped up crying in a coffin
da hellish laws im inforcin
i play wit his emotions tie up his kid
den take an axe and split his wig
i unleash da demonic sword from its sheath
and it attacks like a dog straight of his leash
fuck increasin da peace im realesin da beast
i got lill imps holdin his bitch down
as i take the psycotik image of a klown
then i dont frown i show my jaws
and i got a sphinx dat use him to scratch his paws
den i rend da skin from men
to create a dead golem who is da manifestation of hate



theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)


suffering in da hood bitches bufferin ma shit good
armed witta scythe like i should
dis aint for rockin da club
dis is for poppin anigga leave him bleedin from da snub
shit i am death call me da grym reap
or call me cerberus at da gates of hell holdin down ma keep
dis aint no real shit about da streets
its like candles and rituals see
killin vandles but im not da justice you see
ill be damned if a nigga cheat me
cheat death i aint got no patience
fuck dis aint final destination
da only one u going to hell
lock you up inna iron maiden similar to a cell
i got minions who just follow instructions
dey aint got no opinions and duck when im buckin
on da street strutin nigga cross me he aint just gonna be struckin
who u think u yellin at how u think u fuckin
yo now imma get mad raw
hang you by your tongue hook in by ya jaw
hot stung in ur lung my rhymes present no flaws
i know im pimptastic but dis my gritty side
if things get drastic someone gonna die
unholy tactics you be hearin childrens cry
as the blood drips inside ya eye
i cut u like bluberry pie

theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)


see i stay fly
spit a flow dat makes a grown man cry
cummin face to face wid me u know u gonna die
shit wid my glock in my hand
u know im da man
take ur whole crew wid jus a swing of my hand
world domination thats my best plan
nigga u cant stop me not even my mother can
as i attack ya block
u shakin i watch as ya knees knock
i aint even reach my glock yet
nigga take a reality check
im give u time to disappear
before i get my team up in here
wen ut comes to killin dey all wanna sharre
im da baddest kid in here
fuck it im a thug millionaire

(me) Balliztik you have killed on a number of occasions
robbed dealt drugs and have had cheated on many woman what do you have to say for yourself

(Balliztik) I didn’t know I didn’t do it I swear
(Franchise) how should we punish him
(Me) take him to the PUNISHMENT CHAMBER HAHAHAHA
(Franchise) hahahahaha
(Balliztik) nooooooooooooooooooo (echoes)
*gets dragged to hell *
(balliztik) where am i?
(the devil) da inna sanctum


theres hustlers gang bangers
drug dealers and swangers
killers and strangers
all dis danger
in da punishment chamber (x4)


mad props my man!!! dat's hot!!:spin: :spin: :spin:

[Lil' Ruger]

thank you i needa get my printer fixed so i can show ma dad cuz he dont live wit me i live wit ma mom see what he say but i'm not gonna show him da mad violent ones cuz if i show him maybe he buy me a beat machine or summin

[mashqauck]

as the blood drips inside ya eye
i cut u like bluberry pie




I found the song interesting but I think you should illustrate what you say a little more. Like enhance the words/bars/etc. For example the lines above...

Maybe say

As the wet, red blood drips inside of ya eye
I cut your skin deep like a blueberry pie

[Lil' Ruger]

i see what u mean imma post anudda one called deadly style see if i did better on dat one

(deadly style also name of mixtape) and like i said if any1 ever wannna do a rap hit me up even if u just need a hook

[Lil' Ruger]

if u remember RZA's verse in diary of a madman where it goes
ahhhhh i cried as the blood drept inside of my eye refusing to die
visions of hell tormented ma fate so i chewed ma fuckin arm off and made an escape

[mashqauck]

Yeah I feel where you are getting your thoughts and knowledge from

Do you do any audio? Any songs already done for your mixtape? Send me an audio if you get the chance.

[Lil' Ruger]

i need an online mic how much do they go for
im only 13 so imma see what money i got now and i guess maybe i'll go wit da audio and stuff for rap den the i pod
and then imma need beats but yes all the songs the lyrics that is for the songs are done just need to finish it and i need a cover

[Grongle]

Yeh looks like you got writing skills :thumbup:
If you need any help with your mixtape PM me. :cool:

[Lil' Ruger]

4 sho 4 sho imma see if i can buy a mic 2 morrow
o w8 i aint allowed in wal-mart cuz of shop liftin lol

[Dokuro]

good dame good for a begener just work on your flow, spelling, riming, and word play and you may have sothing there

[Lil' Ruger]

im working on it thanks for all the ups i posted anudda rap called deadly style go peep dat

[Da Dishonourable Don]

my dude, I'm not hatin' but I already have a thread out here called Punishment Chamber, you bitin' my shit kid?!

[mashqauck]

Most likely, hahahaha

[Lil' Ruger]

no no no i just saw that but thats like a freeestyle this a song imade awhile ago but i used to view the forums when i didnt have an account i saw dat u gave me da idea i'll admit but thats the only similarity