PDA

View Full Version : SlaughterhouseThread


J.T.S.
10-17-2006, 06:44 PM
"All in ya Dreamz"

Chrous

Nightmares, horror- shows, real-life terror scenes//
Don't sleep keep an endless supply of caffeine//
I be that mc "All in ya Dreamz"//

verse 1

Welcome to the slaughterhouse where bodies of victims are put in freezers//
Stored in the basement rappers chained , and inflicted with cabin fever//
I leave ya with no food just drops of water coming in from the ceilling//
I feel for ya feeling , but your a fool if you ever think your'e leavin' my hide alive//
i find pleasure in sticking tacks in ya eyes, as you scream "Why!!"//
Soon to be dead baby want me to sing you a lulllaby?//
You can cry i 'll just tie your hands and legs together//
Make you eat dead chickens with the feathers//
Who's better than me at torture methods?//
Ya minds molested with visions of death kid//
I just did 6 years in the prison so who should i fear?//
Tearin' ya chest open with a spear, as my wifey cheers//
You hear other victims screaming for help, don't worry soon i'll put you with them//
My murder symptons sickening as i begin to swing an axe through a skull, what a gruesome scene//

Chrous

Verse 2

people wonder why they must die in the hands of a psycho//
Psychosomatic disciple, you pay the penalty with a mouth shot from my rifle//
I used to be just like you until i caught my first body//
The thrist for blood is eternal, you better ask somebody //
I'm giving em' pain, and unforgettable moments to haunt ya brain//
All my clothes blood-stained, and my methods vary iv'e tied thugs to train tracks//
Hacked, and hanged cats and while they move body in shock mode i sit laugh, and write raps//
One kid tried to fight back, he grabbed a chainsaw and nearly opened up my back//
But wifey attacked fast, put hollowpoints in his ass and made him swallow glass//
i used to be a normal person but that's past tense, know i hit campers in tents//
Always wear leather gloves so i won't leave fingerprints, nor do i leave any evidence//
And since i first started this bizzare hobby, iv'e killed all my peeps besides my queen i have no-body//
But a bunch of weapons my favorite, this rusty shottie i use to blow off the knees of my enemies//
i rarely sleep seeing you weep is my energy//
Chrous

Verse 3

Well my motives caught the ears of police, so i moved out i return occasionly//
To feed the hungy with the remains of dead zoo monkies//
Bodies wrapped like mummies, well preserved on the plate served//
Spicy flesh for dinner delicious tasting competitiors//
3 escapees ran but where can they hide?//
there's wild bears outside, i got an idea jumped in the ride//
Started the engine, and heard a familar voice saying tonite's ya ending//
Felt something sharp pinning the back of my kneck, the pains obvious i'm not pretending//
Know the cars spiinning in reverse, things about to get worse//
I flew through the windshield, what a way to exit this earth!//

Bigot Hitman
10-17-2006, 06:58 PM
The way this would flow to a beat is shaky and uncoordinated. But the lyrics is thourough and since its typing and not verbal then this piece is really on point.

You should start a thread where you post all you verses cuz i see ur posts alot everywhere.

J.T.S.
10-18-2006, 02:16 PM
thanx prez, yo this iz my new thread son, and this one above was rushed.

J.T.S.
10-24-2006, 02:39 PM
Cities get Crumbled to Dust and Kibble with Such a Ripple that all within its Touch gets Crippled,
With Enough Centrifical Force it'll Torch ya Physical North and leave Literal Burns an Warts,
Only the Miserable Learn to Bark for Life while the Critical are only Concerned with how Hard they Bite,
Dayz an Nights, Electrically Charged with Might, Paybacks a Bitch, so I Guess your Wife'll Have to Suffice,
My Knife will Sliddice, Givin Bates a Fight is not to Bright, Get It Right!
U can Gripe an Moan, Bitch an throw Fits Alone, But Im still gonna send a couple Clips Through ya Bonez

And when his dome gets cracked, I'll just sit back and relax, laugh so cynical your liable to think i'm mentally wacked. I'm just another hack from the wrong side of the tracks, and i'm fighting back. Tactical genius, lookin for a nice slut where I can stuff my penis, no gangsta lean it's just I love to intervene when it's the most inconvienent. I can be seen at your local church, bursting through the doors snatching your mom's purse, during the surmon I might pull a pee-wee herman, whip out my dick and start jerkin till skeet on your sis and leave her skirt stained, and her pride hurtin...

choke you verbally, the anger controls to smoke dudes permenetly
like im fightin with sharpy's, have the mark for life or die with it partially
im the guy you find hard to see, every time i pop up im startin beef
critique ya every movement, when you speak, i breach through it
no releif i leave ya clueless, taking a leap, but i beat you stupid
half ya rhymes are playgerized, retract mind, your a fake that lies
i build states with lines, kill dates, spill banks like bill gates in size

Panic stricken, diagnosed with hypertension, fucking with superstition
Iím in the Emergency Room trippin in the fetal position,
feeding on greasy chicken while nurses with needles are flippin
I MUST be sick then, cause I donít even have to work at rippin
Iím nice in the post like as if Shaquille was spittin, I kill with diction
Donít deal with bitchin, use text to conceal my tension
I verbally charged so with ease Iíll heat ya, rhymes stay on your mind like propecia
Molest mindz ..deceive ya plus Iím better with Keys than Alicia

minds burnin with the rhyme tournaments gonna tell you now I'm permenant
my lines earnin it Nemesis said I am hungry well you can call me the direst sarge
with crimes you heard of me I'm verbally charges not deserving I'm learnin to barge
on sucka emcee that woul dhave the nerve to extract a word to attack
I burn hurbs whos infact gulity of the verse that ababts for dissing my crew and name
have em kissing my shoes in shame I'm now listing the fools who came
in for my girl there after her til the massacre the chapter stirrs even darker than most
Stevens harder than most I don't care about impressing sumone who desn't know me
this goes double who wasn't flowing for this hip-hop game my love is growing
so you got a problem then shots can solve em but cock up all em my vest relfection
has less defection so shoot me in the head don't mess directions wit blessed protection
my breath is fectin to live on forever for the better in the wether kill you wit a pop can
can you feel the shot man when the cops ride I see a lot ride but I blast him high
and when I ride I see massive hide have bastord in a closed casket why


thought I'd drop a second rap can't ever neglect this crap got hectic daps
so accept the fact that I'm the best to rap I don't mess in that which I don't belong
show you why they call me most improove outta the top 5 you folks can move
you choke I groove and you can see me locin and smokin *BOOM*
the rap genie complete with a magic carpit give you tragic scars quick
if you every add the garbage leave you sad and heartless I'm mad to start it
and more than happy to have torn the crappy head thats born so nappy
that is messin up his mind hes messin much to shine thats an enormous mistake
in a second his families gonna mourn this his fate I was born wit a take
it from the core which I rape your talent and you its of my own advangatge
have an emcee sown and banaged come near my throne for damage
can't atone so can it come correct and just break a bone off and hand it
back to as a gift I'm on the maddest spit in rap I'm glad I rip
with the fastest spit call me Rap Jesus of Naserith!!! I had you chick
cuz she knows I badder clits in this rap game I'm climbin the ladder tricks

Bigot Hitman
10-24-2006, 04:34 PM
Cities get Crumbled to Dust and Kibble with Such a Ripple that all within its Touch gets Crippled,
With Enough Centrifical Force it'll Torch ya Physical North and leave Literal Burns an Warts,
Only the Miserable Learn to Bark for Life while the Critical are only Concerned with how Hard they Bite,
Dayz an Nights, Electrically Charged with Might, Paybacks a Bitch, so I Guess your Wife'll Have to Suffice,
My Knife will Sliddice, Givin Bates a Fight is not to Bright, Get It Right!
U can Gripe an Moan, Bitch an throw Fits Alone, But Im still gonna send a couple Clips Through ya Bonez

That shits crack bra, you gettin better, each one of the verses is ill but this stands out

J.T.S.
11-19-2006, 12:13 PM
Verse one

On my block this was this lady Ruth, everyone called her sex//
Every dude in my hood wanted to bone her, they even offered gee's to get her un-dressed//
To most of the girls she was like an idol, but the older woman gave her no respect//
She sexed married women's husbands, broke families up, ,alot of people were upset//
she got death threats, from women vexed//
But all of them disappeared from the set//
It was a unsolved mystery, noone knew her age just her history//
One day she grabbed me up and started huggin me', but i pushed her away before she stared kissin' me//
She said you buggin' gee, every nigga in the hood is dreamin' to put their dick in me//
Told her i'm not the one, she said, it don't matter if ya young, i know ya hung//
She started yellin' he don't like girls, so i brought her in my crib to control the situation//
I took a shit, she said go ahead baby i'll be in the living room waiting//
Locked the bathroom door, and pulled up the window ready to escape when, some older guy said "Don't fuck her or you'll die like all the others//
She yelled don't worry about protection James, i have plenty of rubbers//
so i'm nearly out the window, when all of a sudden the door fly's open//
Sex got a nine in her hand, tellin' me if i don't drop my pants she's gonna kill me she wasn't joking//
So i dropped em' and she got on her knees passionately suckin' the deez//
It felt good as hell, but those words the older guy said came back to me//
So she un-dressed i slipped on the laytex, til' i was distracted by some tats on her back//
II read a thousand names, she said those are all the people she slept with in the sack//
Before i could react she put the nine to my dick and said hit it from the back//
I went soft, so she sucked me off more, then i heard a gun blast the front door//
Police ran in, said freeze you and that fuckin' whore//
I said what's all the ruckus for, the officer said she's wanted for a thousand murders//
Before another word was spoken, Sex shot herself in the head with her own burner//

singodsuperior
11-19-2006, 04:55 PM
that's an ill story yo

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
11-20-2006, 12:38 AM
fire story style

Lil' Ruger
11-20-2006, 12:54 AM
a lil corny at some parts but most storys are....i anticipate verse 2!!!

Killer Falcon
11-20-2006, 04:12 AM
whats good james? good to read new material from you. was a good story, well told. the only problem i found with this is that i couldnt pick up the flow, doesnt appear to be a consistent structure or rhythm which i can follow. keep it up man, would like to see what else you've been up to.

peace

J.T.S.
11-20-2006, 10:22 AM
Tnanks for the feedback everyone, it's good to know that people take time to check out what i write. i rushed this one so i know it's somewhat un-structured. But the words just flow sometimes, ya'll know how it is when you get in your zone.

J.T.S.
11-21-2006, 02:57 PM
Chrous

i'm in the squad car watching these squads on the block armed
moving my bosses product, let em' kill each other, as long as i'm not harmed//
you niggers we got ya'll under survilance, set-up's thanks to ya mom's//
If ya'll make too much money, were coming ring the alarm//

verse one

everyday i wake up kiss my wife, and kids//
money on my mind, my gods the dollar sign//
My nine i bust loving the sight of bullets hittin' niggers
another one bites the dust//
my job gives me an adrenaline rush//
I'm the one criminals trust//
If they pay me the right price, they won't be touched//
but if they refuse, they gettin' beatdown, and tazered duke//
giving adolescents g-packs to sell to teachers in school//
these niggers hate me cool, i'm following the bosses rules//
my badge is power, i raid spots i set-up to get back my drugs, and dollars//
laughing as i'm bashing these cowards, spitting up blood//
in my community i'm loved, and the neighbors i never charge em' for drugs//
Trained to hate you black thugs, and latinos got your cell phones bugged//
snitches show us love, so for that fixes are given//
me and my bosses flood your communities with guns, and drugs..and build the prisons so our families get richer..destroying ya'll is our everyday mission//

Chrous

Verse 2

i just bought a mansion in the hamptons from stealing 2 kilo's in a raid//
my partner wasn't down for it, so the son-of-a-bitch got sprayed//
moves we make are for our families sake//
i caught a bull-shit case because some uncooperative niggers bones i had to break//
He sued i beat the case, then payed some thug weight to shoot em' in the face//
Life is great, when all you gotta do is ride around, beat-up clowns, raid spots, shoot niggers and eat donuts all day//
i got spanish and black bitches that'll suck my dick they give me info
on who's running shit//
stupid bitches have no idea i already know what their telling me, i just like the fact they suck my dick//
me and my partners are catching fits the bosses keep hiring niggers, and spicks//
But i make more money than them anyway i'm filthy fuckin' rich//
every dealer in the city knows for every drug sold, i get a percentage off the payment//
or else i'll pay kids to put your brains on the pavement//
to these rookies in training i'm fucking famous//
and niggers who talk i ram my night stick up their ainus//

Chrous

verse 3

So know i'm gettin' reprimanded for past actions//
instead of controlling criminal action, my duties traffic//
Some latin cat drove by in a Benz, and spit in my face laughin'//
i wrote down the info of his liscence plate, he made a grave mistake//
!0 minutes to eight i'm off duty, time to track the cat that was acting un-ruly//
got his address got my glock dressed in plain clothes//
Drove up to his house, there he goes with some kid, and women on the front porch//
approached him with a vengence, sucker punched him with all my force//
Broke his jaw, got him against the wall, trying to plant 2 bags of crack in his draws//
That way i can take him to the station, and book him on a charge//
About to cuff him when, 6 guys jumped in i felt a bat hit the back of my head, so i grabbed my glock and started firing//
Then i heard a lady scream'You just killed my son!'//
Scared as hell i grabbed the gun and shells and started to run//
Until i heard a blast from a shotgun, and felt 2 hot ones rip through my knees//
i screamed "you son of a bitches crippled me!"//
in pain i screamed then seen the guy with the shotty put it to my head and say "Today your a dead pig" i pleaded for mercy but the kid spit on me then burst a shot through my wig//
Know i sit in hellfire reminising of my demise, too bad it took me to lose my own life to realize//
What goes around comes back around, i was a crooked cop that wouldn't stop harrasing people black, and brown//

J.T.S.
11-22-2006, 12:27 PM
a lil corny at some parts but most storys are....i anticipate verse 2!!!

Yeah i kinda thought this was corny too, i actually was influenced to write this listening to R.a. the ruggedman's verse off that jedi mind trick's album.

bad boy T
11-27-2006, 06:21 AM
I didn't no you rapped that well

PACMAN
11-27-2006, 09:37 AM
nice shit
waiting for verse 2

J.T.S.
11-27-2006, 10:23 AM
Thanx spoken, mad props your always coming with heat!
Bad boy t, and pacman i gotta check ya'll threads out thanx for the love peace.

SickSide
11-27-2006, 07:05 PM
nice stuff man

J.T.S.
12-01-2006, 03:37 PM
nice stuff man

Thank you.

J.T.S.
12-03-2006, 04:51 PM
Chrous
It's strange i wanna change, as a seed given advice from momma i never listened//
To live righteous is my mission, seperating truth, from lies..and facts, from fiction//
I don't judge no-body for how their living , don't wanna be a walking contradiction//

Verse one

Seen this older man walking with a cane, suited up with a bible in his hand//
He said "Come here young man", for you God has a plan!"//
I said "that's all fine n' dandy", but i gotta meet up with family//
He stared like he didn't even understand me//
Tried to hand me a track, said your better off keeping that//
Said i'm not religious, wrong words spoken know i'm under attack//
He told me to explain, so i told him how these religons deceive, and confuse the brain//
Then he dropped a bomb, saying "Weren't you dealing drugs?" Or have you changed?"//
Said i'm not dealing no more, old man said "But that's what your known for"//
He said\ "I'm sure ya mama's ashame of your hideous actions, i know you caused her pain, i'm sure"//
I said i guess i did, but i needed money and had no job, so fast money came//
"He said it's because of people like you that blacks are labeled insane"//
"I asked him why all the concentration on my life?" i guess your better than me right?//
He said he is and that"He never sold cocaine to kids, because addictions ruin lives"//
I said i never sold to no seeds, he screamed "Don't fucking lie to me, because of you my son died//
tears filled his eyes, i said "Sir you must have the wrong guy!"//
Then he pulled a picture of his son that died, he was right this fiends face i recognized??//
He asked me "How does it feel taking a life?" i couldn't find an answer//
To a "genocidal hustle" spreading through ghettoes like cancer//

Chrous

verse 2
Ran into my younger brother at the grocery store//
Son just got out the bing, attempted murder was what he was in for//
We gave each other hugs, and pounds, told him i'm happy he's back around//
Asked him what's new," he said just moving bricks across town"//
Told him "They catch you your going down!"//
He just smiled and said, "My babies gotta eat, so how you sound?"//
When i needed your help and advice big brother, you were no-where to be found//
"I frowned in shame, but you don't need to get ya self caught up in the drug game"//
Told me "Who's pumping ya brain with that b.s. your starting to become a lame?"//
I said i made it out alive, but it's a gamble and it's not promised you'll survive//
he said save ya self the advice, and worry about your own life//
When i was in school you was hustling day and night, getting right//
You had the gold, and air nikes, plus the hottest girl in the hood on ya like flies on shit//
What kind of example were you to me as a kid?//
i said a bad one, i did it all from beating heads down, to packin' a magnum//
Then he said realize dunn, like you i have become//
No matter what i said to him he ignored, hard-headed like me when i was young//
Right know he's on trial for getting caught with two guns//
Chrous

Last verse

The other day i was drunk staggering on the way to the lab//
When cops rolled up, saying you need to flag down a cab//
i guess in my drunken state ill words were exchanged//
Cause i woke up in a cell, sick as hell, clothing blood-stained//
Anyways they let me out the bing, and i'm headed to court//
Arms, and legs shackled with bone numbing force//
the judge acted cool, i was freed thank God he had pity on a fool//
no excuse for my juvenile moves, since i shorty i was schooled//
About right from wrong, i'm seeking "A better tommorow" like the wu-song//
To not stay stuck on foolishness, i just find answers and move-on//
you do wrong you get it back, gotta pay the suffering from the pay-back//
So i re-memorize jewels i learned from way back//

Bigot Hitman
12-03-2006, 10:03 PM
That first verse was striaght fire, great story tellin skills, but that should have been the closing verse not the opening cuz in my opinion the 1st > 2nd, even though both is thorough. The hook is ok, the lines are stretched and would be hard to rap over a beat, but overall 8/10

J.T.S.
12-04-2006, 10:21 AM
Thanx for the critique fam, it's much appreciated.

J.T.S.
12-06-2006, 11:36 AM
By the way this song is a story not real life shit!! The chrous is real though!

Mattlocka
12-11-2006, 08:56 PM
Nice rap and music to go along with the goal.Now did you change your
name was it James befor not sure?

noel411
12-12-2006, 03:43 AM
I remember reading this shit at work when you posted it. I must not have got a chance to post a comment on it. I like the content of this one. It's thoughtful and interesting. Good story telling. It wouldn't hurt to tighten up the structure a bit though. Maybe even it out a bit.

J.T.S.
12-12-2006, 01:59 PM
Thanks Noel and Locka for the honest feedback, and Locka J.T.S. is for James the Specialist a.k.a. James the Swordsman.

J.T.S.
12-12-2006, 03:28 PM
Verse one

Mc's who wanna be starting something will end up in the next XXL mag with their face on the back of a milk carton//

I'm a living sparking live wire, skin dark tone, fam call me Akito the way i break a rivals bones//

Know to change up styles like the chameleons skin changes colors//

Hip-hop styles grimier than bitches that poke holes in rubbers//

I'm a fighter, fly queen lover, the God's wiz 3/5 of her body stays covered//

Touch her and you'll dis-cover the burning sensation of a slug, fake thug bugged and screamed for his mother//

I keep these lines gutter raw, slammin' mc's like basket-balls, i'm shatter-proof but still shatter ya'll//

never the one to abide by illuminati's laws, break they skull with a cross, rip the flesh off to expose the bones//

Inflicted with the rugged syndrome, save the Pretty shit for
Ricky, and Tone//

false hip-hop kings dyin' for a throne they'll never have//

Get stabbed for choosing to be a fag, go a-head n' get mad, i'll get Glad and put ya body in a trash-bag//

You might pack mags, but i bust em' at moving tar-gets//

Shooting up minds with know-ledge, a self-concious baller
not controlled by the Dead Presidents in my wallet//

hip-hop is dead so call it war, i'll leave a mark on ya head not from the beast but from the 44.//

Cause snakes come with more tricks, the more shots lick through ya wig//

witnesses get thier eyes gouged out, and tongues de-capitated so they can't say or see what i did//

chrous
no extremadies for these murderous recipies//
You can come in peace, or choose beef//
And be for-ever rest-in in peace, once i squeeze the piece

Verse 2

I get busy like married couples on their honey-moon//

Born in a cocoon broke out craf-tin fly rhymes with the sun, moon, and stars i stay in tune//

Most of my times con-sumed building, the rest is killing mics, and tryin' to perfect my plight at elevation in these battles//

Cats i brandish like cattle, the carnivorus carnivore is coming at you//

Hands strong enough to punch holes through statues//

I got more scriptures written than Isaish, and matthew//

React rude, and i'll have to clap you don't give a fuck if it's in front of a audience//

You won't be standing for the ovation, i'll spend days, months, and years waiting til' i accomplish an assanation//

it pays to be patient, i discover fraud cards then pull em',
Heads hit with the power of penetration//

Go to hell and battle Satan, i jetted with the keys so he can scream but no escaping//

Ya soul is taken through flash-backs of carnage. when bullets fly better guard ya garments//

Cause after my sound-bombing all vets, and new-comers become goners//

Remains fertiliztion for farmers to use to enrich the soil, fragile egg mc's get seized then hard-boiled//

So what the bloodclot? Let the drama un-foil as i face-off with mama's boy's spoiled//

leave blood pouring like brew from liquior bottles, my hands to fine to box you, so i grab the ox then rock you to sleep//

I'm the shepard mc's are the sheep, you might of heard how my herd makes power moves in the street//

Bigot Hitman
12-12-2006, 06:44 PM
Think'in realisticly, these long lines might not sound great over a beat unless you rap at a fast rate. But this is the best piece i've seen from u ever so u still gettin better by the verse. Lyrics is gettin better an u devolpin a masta killa type style IMO, wit the way u chose to construct bars. 8.8/10

IllDog
12-13-2006, 12:54 AM
Is That A Promise Or A Threat?

J.T.S.
12-13-2006, 10:48 AM
Thanx Dead prez for the feedback!

J.T.S.
12-20-2006, 01:01 PM
Bump!

J.T.S.
12-20-2006, 02:05 PM
Thanx iv'e been recording some shh.. but i put audio up when i'm done with all tracks!

Father N Dangerous
12-20-2006, 02:44 PM
alot of punches in this one.
i like it alot.
you need to record somthing.
props.


yeah J.T.S. def. hotness with this one! good punches and everything good read. u do need to record :D

J.T.S.
12-20-2006, 03:10 PM
Thnx Dangerous!

J.T.S.
12-28-2006, 01:53 PM
Chrous
Customizing The Links, View from above the spinx//
Basic Instinct to break groups up like N'Sync//
Fuck what Conenders think!//
I spit bars quicker than the human eye blinks//

Verse one

My time to dominate, dominations, below rank//
this pro ain't the type to flee, i make mc's blood splash like paint//
a thug you'll never be, like AZ will never be a main-stream artist//
God with his Goddess, halo above the head-piece//
So-called hardest mc's, will be deceased martyr's//
I'm some-what modest, until beef's started//
If your a enemy out of town, i'll catch a plane chartered//
To father ya style, raise you like eye-brows//
Keep my sword sharpened like No.2. pencils//
To slice rappers venge-ful, like ginsing i gets in you//
To continue the damage, only difference it's internal//
Lyrics i spit don't concern you,so critique em' and get burned dude//
Into pitch black ashes, my tactics flame like matches//
During , and after practic, so savage even wild animals scatter//
Me and you had a under-standing, but i'm sick of em' demanding//
For funds, when i barely make ends meet//
Refuse to be thrown in the streets//
Known by freaks, peeps, and po-lice closely watching me//
shit makes me nrevous so i gave em' the service//

Chrous


Back to buisness like the rebuilding of katrina//
Pack a Nina, in case i'm faced with a supena//
I'm meaner than abused dogs, sending rappers to the morgue//
war-lord choking ya ta death with the mic- cord//
Escaping in the sky blue Honda accord//
Pickin' up weapons for war//
Some cats in the game don't know how to score//
Get fake encore's , for frontin' like their hard-core//
They get floored like mops, pops topped//
face bashed with hard rocks, i close shop//
Before pigs are called, my delivery's raw//
Break backs like thugs break the law//

tha god concept
12-28-2006, 02:12 PM
yo that verse was crazy james!!!!!!!

J.T.S.
12-28-2006, 02:48 PM
Thanx fam!

J.T.S.
01-04-2007, 03:39 PM
Verse one

When i spit the after-math causes turbulence, and planes crash//
Give a fuck if your a C.E.O., i'll take your buisness away like Jay did Dame Dash..
My brain grasps information, and beats catch instant rapings//
Every lines breath-taking, so producers die in the making..
Rappers faking the life, gotta sleep with guns beneath their pillows at night//
Shook type rooks write about the fast-life, and fans swallow the hype..
This hip-hop games like politics, these ticks, tickle me with their fairy-tale lyrics//
Props from me you'll never get em', like i'll never get Halle Berry's phone digits..
My poems blizzards, lines from my dome vivid//
While you in the telly getting sucked off by a hoe, my chrome will leave you blown spittin'..
So to all fake niggas living here's advice, don't grab a mic if you ain't nice//
If you can't suffice the game, then you better re-frain from it..
Half these emcee's ya'll say are the sickest, are coming with the same vomit//

Chrous: My intelligence will dominate all these fake snakes..
Lyrics eliminate, and penetrate dig in ya brain like crates//
On the rap level your number rates zero, u in it for dinero..
Super-stars get scarred, i'll sandwich ya rhymin' heroes..

Verse 2

I keep songs short, but do em' speedy for the rider's report//
Hold down the fort, un-signed hype, screamin' "Fuck the source"..
Lyrics are XXl, ex-dealer with cash-rule from sells, u know i ex-cell//
Murder-dog's behind cells, and then i'm out on bail..
On my cell phone setting up a battle with some well know rap clone//
How the fuck rap niggas with deals be asking me for a loan?..
Thought ya'll had it sown, extorted by major labels//
Went from driving a G-4, know your pushing a Mercury Sable//
Un-able to keep your house, don't front those fronts are coming out your mouth//
Rings, and chains pawned, down and out, i let ya sleep on my couch..
Scared to come to my hood, it was annouced your ghetto pass is revoked//
Police know you so you can't sell coke, your record went wood, your broke//
Industry joke dropped from ya label, shouldv'e invested ya money wisely//
Instead of spending it on bull-shit, thinking you'd go platinum off your debut//
Record company played you, and niggas in the hood will spray you if you come through//

Chrous

Last verse

At first you were moving units, know it's the furniture out your lab//
And all those crabs you had running with you, crack jokes, and laugh..
Shit got worst first you got shot, then stabbed//
mad at the world, cats running trains on ya girl..
No more diamonds, and pearl handle burners//
your suffering to the point you wished you were murdered..
Feeling pain in-side, thinking of suicide tonight//
Drunk off a bottle of Jack Daniels you angrily write//
about the internal strife, read it back to ya self and it sounds nice//
Trying to find the right producer, for a low budget price//
You complete an album in 2 months, but do it independent to avoid the spot-light//
Doing shows in ya hood your a local hit, this time you give back, and get your respect for doing right//

Bigot Hitman
01-04-2007, 05:06 PM
I don't get how the phrase dominant intelligence ties in wit the the verses, but the verses is nice. 8/10

noel411
01-04-2007, 07:26 PM
Nice song James. Thoughtful content. Well structured. Do you record at all? I ask this because you often have rather long lines. I wondered how you might keep a steady flow with such lines.

J.T.S.
01-05-2007, 10:17 AM
Iv'e been recording as of lately, when i'm finished with myEP i will post on here for all to listen. Peace, and thanks for the feedback it's appreciated.

J.T.S.
01-05-2007, 10:24 AM
I don't get how the phrase dominant intelligence ties in wit the the verses, but the verses is nice. 8/10

What i mean by "dominant intelligence", is that by being able to see things as they are in a intelligent manner.
Likewise there's emcee's that get on, and buy bling, and whips instead of investing in things such as stock, or real estate.
And they figure their albums are going to go platinum, and when they flop they have to pay the labels back all the money for their advance.
That's why if i ever do make it in the industry, i'll be ahead of the game because as of know i'm studying all the aspects of it.

Bigot Hitman
01-05-2007, 10:51 PM
^^^^O,...wanna do a callaboration thread, a ongoing thing like my politics thread.

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
01-06-2007, 01:27 AM
tight joint

Father N Dangerous
01-08-2007, 02:51 AM
Verse one

When i spit the after-math causes turbulence, and planes crash//
Give a fuck if your a C.E.O., i'll take your buisness away like Jay did Dame Dash..
My brain grasps information, and beats catch instant rapings//
Every lines breath-taking, so producers die in the making..
Rappers faking the life, gotta sleep with guns beneath their pillows at night//
Shook type rooks write about the fast-life, and fans swallow the hype..
This hip-hop games like politics, these ticks, tickle me with their fairy-tale lyrics//
Props from me you'll never get em', like i'll never get Halle Berry's phone digits..
My poems blizzards, lines from my dome vivid//
While you in the telly getting sucked off by a hoe, my chrome will leave you blown spittin'..
So to all fake niggas living here's advice, don't grab a mic if you ain't nice//
If you can't suffice the game, then you better re-frain from it..
Half these emcee's ya'll say are the sickest, are coming with the same vomit//

Chrous: My intelligence will dominate all these fake snakes..
Lyrics eliminate, and penetrate dig in ya brain like crates//
On the rap level your number rates zero, u in it for dinero..
Super-stars get scarred, i'll sandwich ya rhymin' heroes..

Verse 2

I keep songs short, but do em' speedy for the rider's report//
Hold down the fort, un-signed hype, screamin' "Fuck the source"..
Lyrics are XXl, ex-dealer with cash-rule from sells, u know i ex-cell//
Murder-dog's behind cells, and then i'm out on bail..
On my cell phone setting up a battle with some well know rap clone//
How the fuck rap niggas with deals be asking me for a loan?..
Thought ya'll had it sown, extorted by major labels//
Went from driving a G-4, know your pushing a Mercury Sable//
Un-able to keep your house, don't front those fronts are coming out your mouth//
Rings, and chains pawned, down and out, i let ya sleep on my couch..
Scared to come to my hood, it was annouced your ghetto pass is revoked//
Police know you so you can't sell coke, your record went wood, your broke//
Industry joke dropped from ya label, shouldv'e invested ya money wisely//
Instead of spending it on bull-shit, thinking you'd go platinum off your debut//
Record company played you, and niggas in the hood will spray you if you come through//

Chrous

Last verse

At first you were moving units, know it's the furniture out your lab//
And all those crabs you had running with you, crack jokes, and laugh..
Shit got worst first you got shot, then stabbed//
mad at the world, cats running trains on ya girl..
No more diamonds, and pearl handle burners//
your suffering to the point you wished you were murdered..
Feeling pain in-side, thinking of suicide tonight//
Drunk off a bottle of Jack Daniels you angrily write//
about the internal strife, read it back to ya self and it sounds nice//
Trying to find the right producer, for a low budget price//
You complete an album in 2 months, but do it independent to avoid the spot-light//
Doing shows in ya hood your a local hit, this time you give back, and get your respect for doing right//


I high lighted my fav. verses in each bar! very insightful! loveing the emotion in this shit! woo just gives me da chills.. anyway nice worded throughout! str8 chorus and everything. one of da best stay up keep blessin

J.T.S.
01-08-2007, 10:26 AM
Peace Sheepish hit me up with that verse for the collab! And Thanx Dangerous!

Krazi
01-08-2007, 01:44 PM
yeah that was a good read fam

pretty well structured, liked the content

8/10

keep it up mate!

J.T.S.
01-08-2007, 02:05 PM
thanx Krazi peace!

Krazi
01-08-2007, 05:52 PM
no worries mate , lookin forward to readin some more

peace

J.T.S.
01-17-2007, 04:17 PM
the block was live, i was bagged up, sold in sacks..a lonely dime
Until i met the blunt..her name was dutch..we was rollin' all the time
On fire every-time a smoker used their lighter..
i kept getting passed around and hit in a cipher..
Admired by the other trees, hydro's what they call me..
I come back resserected from my scattered seeds..
U should see what they do to me..
Mix me with with chemicals, that'll damage ya subliminal..
And if ya get caught selin' me, your a criminal..
Depending on the amount of me you get caught with..
Jail time can be maximun, or minimal..
I'm not hard to find, most rappers smoke me to influence their rhymes..
i damage minds, burn brain cells, and slow down movements..
rather be legalized, but the illuminati fears my influence..
I make visions sharper, turning non-smokers into sparkers..
Turn quiet people to talkers, lazy people to walkers..
Thugs sell me by the pounds, i grow out of the ground..
i get smoked from the U.S. to Trench-town..

adedwutang
01-17-2007, 07:54 PM
ayo roll out the paper and fill it up wit ma substance/
put the flame to the tip, burn it up and then suck this/
no homo homey, let the dolo smoke flow slowly/
let me travel thru ya thoughts and ya minds only/
its holy, the way i release the pain from ya nerves/
god made me for u so enjoy it wile it burns/
waste every fuckin cent that u earned/
but dont smoke ur own product like smokey did to Worm/
throw u in the pen for every pound u was holdin/
u kno wen u get back out im the first thing u tokin/

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
01-17-2007, 10:13 PM
love the concept JTS

Ghost In The 'Lac
01-17-2007, 10:16 PM
the block was live,

Drop that. Unless you r Cormega

J.T.S.
01-18-2007, 10:48 AM
Drop that. Unless you r Cormega

What do you mean by that??

J.T.S.
04-18-2007, 01:46 PM
ayo roll out the paper and fill it up wit ma substance/
put the flame to the tip, burn it up and then suck this/
no homo homey, let the dolo smoke flow slowly/
let me travel thru ya thoughts and ya minds only/
its holy, the way i release the pain from ya nerves/
god made me for u so enjoy it wile it burns/
waste every fuckin cent that u earned/
but dont smoke ur own product like smokey did to Worm/
throw u in the pen for every pound u was holdin/
u kno wen u get back out im the first thing u tokin/

Mean to tell u hot verse!

J.T.S.
04-18-2007, 02:19 PM
Welcome To The slaughterhouse

Bigot Hitman
04-20-2007, 11:23 PM
the block was live, i was bagged up, sold in sacks..a lonely dime
Until i met the blunt..her name was dutch..we was rollin' all the time
On fire every-time a smoker used their lighter..
i kept getting passed around and hit in a cipher..
Admired by the other trees, hydro's what they call me..
I come back resserected from my scattered seeds..
U should see what they do to me..
Mix me with with chemicals, that'll damage ya subliminal..
And if ya get caught selin' me, your a criminal..
Depending on the amount of me you get caught with..
Jail time can be maximun, or minimal..
I'm not hard to find, most rappers smoke me to influence their rhymes..
i damage minds, burn brain cells, and slow down movements..
rather be legalized, but the illuminati fears my influence..
I make visions sharper, turning non-smokers into sparkers..
Turn quiet people to talkers, lazy people to walkers..
Thugs sell me by the pounds, i grow out of the ground..
i get smoked from the U.S. to Trench-town..

This shit is real writin bra, i like the concepts alot, u still one of the illest.

J.T.S.
04-23-2007, 10:54 AM
Good looking Big you nasty too son!

J.T.S.
04-25-2007, 03:59 PM
fuck rules this ruler transfuses aids into a verse..
So when a biter bites, they die from the disease, cremated on turf..
I'm above the earth like a satelite, the watcher writes novels..
terror motto, warning in a bottle, message to the marvel..
Haylow glow flow, track ya steps, then bomb ya vehicle..
cold blooded so stunning, becoming a general plus 5 stars..
My bars works of art, grab the harpoon for the lurking sharks..
My darts making marks, like sizzling bacon they baking hot..
Dropping drops, niggas knew they was through once i landed on spot..
Bands are branded on blocks, stripped to shoes, and socks..
I'm walking tall like the rock, fuck props i get knots..
Dare-devil's that get caught breaking in, better move like the wind..
when i win it's like wimbledon, think not think again..
Leave mc's shooker than a man in water that can't swim..
You broke so u can't spend ya evil roots..

Pulverizing, rising, suprising, lines lickshots like nines..
Shotty time execution for executors, i'm executing mine..
Spines snapped on the frontlines, soldiers fall on the grind..
Vultures grinding corpses, we in the chopper, propellin' forces fine..
Whores getting shitted on, backshots t.k.o. em' in the fortress time..
Sword splits flesh, blood stains the matress..
Raps best when written under stress, vocals finnesse..
Test rockets on spots where rivals rest..
Explosion by dawn, for pawns i bring Vietnam effects..
Fleeing ones are captured, and become slaves for masters vexed..
Hideous bastards get blasted, in the rapture chess..
raps pure, billy club thugs wit the strength of wild boars..
Scores high, hardcore culprit in ya corridor..
on my corners war, my forces armed for more battles..
Meditate sittin' in gravel, as faster blades target throwers of arrows
see me shoot mics down in the vocal booth..
raps so hard when i spit em' i lose a tooth..
but i'll never be the victim found in the noose..
Hanging high, my line multides multiply..
Mc's i stay on my job others need not apply..
Once i arrive on the scene, jewels gleam like infa-red beams..
Everybody wanna be king but ain't worthy for a crown..
U know my sound the undisputed, under-taker, from the under-ground..

SID
04-25-2007, 05:17 PM
i wasent feelin that too much JTS but keep it up you on the right track

Bigot Hitman
04-25-2007, 06:59 PM
^^^this duke doesn't know what good writing is obviously

Anyways, this is the best piece i've seen from u for a while, the concepts and the creativty is stupid high, these two verses son 90% of the verses kids be droppin in the temple

Flow-4/5
Just a few lines were alittle stretched with too many words, but it came out even for the most part

Creatvity/orginality 5/5
Your concepts/substance were real nice, u said some stuff that i never heard before like:

raps pure, billy club thugs wit the strength of wild boars..
Scores high, hardcore culprit in ya corridor..

when i win it's like wimbledon, think not think again..
Leave mc's shooker than a man in water that can't swim..

And some other shit that i've heard before, but u flipped it your style real nice too:

Pulverizing, rising, suprising, lines lickshots like nines..
Shotty time execution for executors, i'm executing mine..


Metaphors/wordplay 3.5/5

THe metaphors in your first verse started off basic, then you ended it with a couple of nice ones: "the one about a duke in water who can't swim".

Overall----12.5/15 Real nice shit

noel411
04-25-2007, 07:39 PM
That was pretty tight, JTS. Well constructed lines. Flow was even. Read smoothly. I liked the word choice in some lines especially. Keep doing your thing.

SID
04-26-2007, 08:15 AM
this mister big dude is startin to piss me off..ill say my opinion if you dont like it keep it to yourself, man be disecting everyones rhymes and shit. examinin metaphors an what not, when the dude can hardly spit, and the shit he has spat are shitty basic rhymes with the flow of a blocked tap, i feel it though hes 16 and shit but man needs to chill out on thinkin hes the bees knees.

J.T.S.
04-26-2007, 11:14 AM
Thanx Noel, Mr, Big, and Sideous for the criticism peace.

Bigot Hitman
04-26-2007, 03:43 PM
this mister big dude is startin to piss me off

Go suck some bannana sauce hoe

man be disecting everyones rhymes and shit. examinin metaphors an what not, when the dude can hardly spit, and the shit he has spat are shitty basic rhymes with the flow of a blocked tap

If u read those verses, and your opinion is he can't hardley spit, then you must not know what good writing is. Its bout 15 times better than your stretched out lines.

SID
04-26-2007, 04:00 PM
dream on....you critize every other manz rhymes but when i critize your wack tryin to storytell but aint workin rhymes you get all hot an shit....take time out go gather some intrestin vocab an original rhymeschemes then go and critize everyone..... got that....i hope so

Bigot Hitman
04-26-2007, 04:20 PM
take time out go gather some intrestin vocab an original rhymeschemes then go and critize everyone..... got that....i hope so


First off dun, u've never critized one of my story tellin verses. and 10/10 people on this site will tell u that my story verses i've spit in the last two weeks are better than anything u've posted ever.

Tellin me to go out and get intresting vocab words just shows that that's all your do, u stick your head in a dictionary and find all these words cuz u can't make up rhymes with your common vocab.

And do u even now what a rhyme scheme is, cuz its only a couple of other dukes on this site who can claim they have more "original" rhymeschemes than me.

And its not like i just critizes kids, i'm actually one of the only dukes on this site who takes 10 minutes to read each line and give real feed back.

So like i said before, go suck some bannana sauce.

P.s. if u wanna argue, do it in my thread so we don't flood this one

SID
04-26-2007, 04:26 PM
i dont put my head in a dictionary this is my vocab but i guess a dumb-ass like you can comprehend that cuz your "common" vocab has no meanin...sorry to burst your fuckin bubble dude but you dreamin..but ill tell you one thing you got a big ego kid...
you wanna prove sumtin kid.... lets take this shit to the battlefield (if you a man dat is not a snotty nosed wannabe)



peace

Bigot Hitman
04-26-2007, 05:07 PM
i dont put my head in a dictionary this is my vocab but i guess a dumb-ass like you can comprehend that cuz your "common" vocab has no meanin...sorry to burst your fuckin bubble dude but you dreamin..but ill tell you one thing you got a big ego kid...
you wanna prove sumtin kid.... lets take this shit to the battlefield (if you a man dat is not a snotty nosed wannabe)



peace

I ain't gotta prove shit to anybody, i know, as well as everbody on this site knows, that you stick ur head in a dictionary, and put them in your rhymes, cuz if u really talked like that u would be the biggest lame in history.

And no, i'm not about to write punchlines to battle u, i already seen what u could could do battle wise verses bloody hookz so it ain't no reason for me to even waste time writing up bars for u dun. And naw ain't gotta a ego, its just dickriders and lames like u that make me have to say sumthin when i feel it needs to be said.

MX1
04-26-2007, 09:09 PM
yo j.t.s., that was pretty dope, like bigs said theres bars in there i havent heard and the originality on this piece gets 10/10 no doubt, the flow was good for the most part, and the wordplay was pretty dope also...good piece 8.5/10

peace and 1luv

SID
04-27-2007, 07:24 AM
"I ain't gotta prove shit to anybody, i know, as well as everbody on this site knows, that you stick ur head in a dictionary, and put them in your rhymes, cuz if u really talked like that u would be the biggest lame in history.

And no, i'm not about to write punchlines to battle u, i already seen what u could could do battle wise verses bloody hookz so it ain't no reason for me to even waste time writing up bars for u dun. And naw ain't gotta a ego, its just dickriders and lames like u that make me have to say sumthin when i feel it needs to be said."

iam the biggest lame in history cuz i respect my language and speak it to the best of my ability for maxium meanin? - your the biggest loser in history, cuz you cant take shit, get pissed when i said you aint that good (which you arent), and say all the katz in here agree with you, you a 16 year old gangsta wannabee, who thinks he can rap, thats puttin it bluntly, my advice is while your still at school punk focus on your english classes try scrap a C and expand your shitty vocab, by learnin wordz not stickin your ego-filled head in a dictionary........you talk a good game.... but its time to show n prove, lets set up a battle if iam that shit you aint go nuthin to worry about, i then ill shut up an say your the greatest...hows that....

an who am i fuckin dickridin you silly faggot.... nobody, but i see you got a small legion of katz who dick ride you....

J.T.S.
04-27-2007, 10:27 AM
Good looks MX-1.

Bigot Hitman
04-27-2007, 10:50 AM
iam the biggest lame in history cuz i respect my language and speak it to the best of my ability for maxium meanin?

If a phrase of words means what one word could say, then the phrase of words is its maximum meaning......meaning, your not saying anything different, your just fuckin up your flow by stretching out your lines with big unnecessary words

- your the biggest loser in history, cuz you cant take shit, get pissed when i said you aint that good (which you arent), and say all the katz in here agree with you, you a 16 year old gangsta wannabee,

I can't get mad or pissed over bronze letters on a screen for sum reason, but yo, why would i get mad anyways over a writer who can't write and doesn't know what good writing is, sayin my shit isn't legit, what sense does that make. That's like Shaq tellin Ray allen how to shoot three pointers, why would he listen to him???


who thinks he can rap, thats puttin it bluntly, my advice is while your still at school punk focus on your english classes try scrap a C and expand your shitty vocab, by learnin wordz not stickin your ego-filled head in a dictionary

For the last time duke, vocab is not that important, look at these rappers, who could all be considered Top 15 rappers of all time: Ice cube, ll cool j, Krs one, Rakim, UGk, 8ball &mjg, tu pac, biggie smalls, scarface, ect. ect.

THose rappers didn't have to use all these big ass words to get their points across in their songs, i don't get why u think that vocab is lyricism, you can have all the 4+ sllyable words in your verses u want, and still not be saying anything. Its all about your creativity, concepts/substance and originality. Vocab is not that important.

........you talk a good game.... but its time to show n prove, lets set up a battle if iam that shit you aint go nuthin to worry about, i then ill shut up an say your the greatest...hows that....

I'll just copy and paste what i said in my thread about battle'in u on this site be-4:

i don't battle on this site cuz u can't get votes quick enough, if u wanna battle me, battle me at rapbattles.com, the username is Wu banga over there, post the message under the "bitch slapped" part of the forum, which is the challenge forum. Call me out there if u really thirsty.

But really there's no challenge to me in battle'in u, and why would i take the time to construct battle bars for sum duke who's not gonna even come hard? I'd rather be like lil wayne an "fuck bitches, get money, fuck bitches, get money".


an who am i fuckin dickridin you silly faggot.... nobody, but i see you got a small legion of katz who dick ride you....

And i never said u was dickridin, this is what i said: its just dickriders and lames like u that make me have to say sumthin when i feel it needs to be said.

Key words "lames like u", make me have to say shit instead of just posting my verses on my thread, i've only had like two other "internet beefs" on this site, and it was cuz of some lame shit sumbody said, so its not i got this big ego going around sayin niggas is shity all the time. But u is just straight shit ball.


my fought for floodin ur thread J.t.s., UNO

J.T.S.
04-27-2007, 10:54 AM
It's all good i ain't mad at cha'!

J.T.S.
05-08-2007, 12:52 PM
Thanx to all who showed feedback critiques!

J.T.S.
05-08-2007, 12:57 PM
Bloody drama a kid named Dwight gave his fam dishonor..
For murdering his father, stole his sword, and armor..
Sentenced to hang from gallows, so he traveled hungry for battles..
For food he killed cattle, he was a loner, only followed his shadow..
Skilled wit swordplay, he made poison arrows wit cobra venom..
A messenger sent em a message he got a from a piegon's beak..
He was to prepare for battle in a week by Soldier's creek..
So he practiced techniques, and created new ones..
Watching animals fight, he devolped swift, and deadly strikes..
He did this from morning til' night, til' the day of the fight..
He wrote down every move in his journal at night..
He became a black knight, and his time of triumph came..
He overcame the battle, and every soldier trembled at the mention of his name..
He gained fame for slicing frames in half, he walked with a staff..
Only problem he was tormented by memories of his past..
He dreamed of people he murdered, and feared their wrath's..
Frightened he went into seclusion, and killed anyone in his path..
Disguised himself in a cloak, and used his dagger to cut throats..
The nightmares drove him to suicide by his body he left a note..
To whoever finds this body,

When you kill someone your haunted by their pain,
A murderer is insane with a sickness in their brain..

Dr Sleepwalker
05-08-2007, 04:29 PM
i like the way you tell your story.. kept my attention..
i felt it... very nice drop

SID
05-08-2007, 04:45 PM
yo i liked that g...i got a feel of early china at the begining..nice

noel411
05-08-2007, 09:32 PM
Not bad. It was a bit plain really. It was a good enough story, but nothing really captivating about it. Ended kind of suddenly. Decent verse though. Keep doing your thing.

J.T.S.
05-10-2007, 01:58 PM
Thanks people for the critiques.

Dirty Knowledge
05-10-2007, 03:51 PM
I like it. Noel hit the nail on the head. Gotta add a FEW lil' punchlines here-or-there just to keep people "Wow'ing" during your story. It was dope though, you can hold the crowd and the story went somewhere. Though Noel's right again, it SUDDENLY is over. Ya'gotta slowly ease ya way to an explosion at the end where people are just like "Holy shit" but dope read I thought.

Make 2 more verses use that "and with the note it said" as a chorus or something and you got a hot track on audio.

J.T.S.
05-14-2007, 01:19 PM
Thanx D.K.

J.T.S.
05-14-2007, 03:53 PM
Chrous

I knew she was an obstacle i could overcome in due time
for the approach i didn't need to spit lines
Got her attention by taking time to analize her mind

Verse one

To all you players that disrepect queens with swears
And get angry when they reject your hanky, panky
Frankly ya'll should thank me for this advice
You got problems finding the right one
Feeling lonesome you succumb to masterbation
Let's analize the situation
I was walking on the block when i saw an asian beauty
Good thoughts intriqued truly
Lustful intensions eyes glued to the booty
Dog in me wanted to react rudely
But mama schooled me on the do's and don'ts
So i won't disrespect, just her mental i did inspect
She was cashing her check, legs in fishnets
Next i intoduced myself which didn't help
Rejected but my confidence made her melt
She was suprised i knew she was Japanese
We connected both fans, of wu, and trees
She gave me tests to see if i was stricly sex
i did get her undressed, and finnesse her the best
Time passed and she asked if we would last
I said the future's undeniable
But our feelings are reliable
I'm liable to spazz under any circumstance
Which happened as if it was planned
Our first arguement over ham
A don't for me but she was raised to eat
The glutton holding her gut in
For a month she fasted which didn't last
She chomping on the trash
And iv'e had enough of the hog sweat stench
Oh well, there goes the dreams of the picket fence
In the whip smoking hurting, uncertain of the furture
She was a good girl, but i had to lose her

Bigot Hitman
05-14-2007, 05:36 PM
That was some "devin the dude" shit, (houston underground rapper).

Flow-4.8/5

Towards the end the flow got alittle short and uneven, but the way you wrote the first 4/5th's of the verse was perfect. U utilized the rhymescheme perfect.

Concepts/substance 4/5
All your concepts were nice, most had been said before in another form though, but you had enough new/original ones in their for this piece to have some replay value on audio to me.

Metaphors/wordplay 0/0
You don't need metaphors or wordplay IMO, so this piece doens't lose anything with out it.

8.8/10 overall- one of your best ive read.

444trumpets
05-14-2007, 07:13 PM
Your A Pretty Tight Emcee Yo....

J.T.S.
05-15-2007, 12:14 PM
Thnx Big, and 444 trumpets.

J.T.S.
05-18-2007, 12:59 PM
The Critical Meltdown

Verse one

Fathom this fabulous heat i display to leave ya in disarray
It's either love, or war..life, or death at the end of ya day
Some say the earth's end is near, so to Allah i prey
Put my heat away, but in close range if i gotta spray
Dollars saved..fuck the paper chase
None of these materials matter when ya corpse in the grave
U can be a wise-man why be a slave?
Afraid of the truth, u wanna dispute every jewell
Flows compatible, i come in peace a pro-black radical
Rap abilities automatical, my concepts stay grabbing you
illest lines stabbing you, staggering loser
One rule, keep a stashed ruegar
In case an intruder, or looter choose ta interfere
The frame melt-down will be critical, it's a crazy year
I stare at my own reflection, reflecting back on re-collections
Hip-hop i wont die for i'm just the inspector doing the inspection

Verse 2

No hook, or chrous is needed my eyes red from being weeded
Even though i don't need it, know my stress is deleted
Here's a lesson for the class, so seeds stay seated
Keep ya ears open, the message must be absorbed in the open
The devil's hoping you'll all fail, so live for the moments
to conquer the game, the last man's reign shall be potent
Scriptures spoken into a hip-hop verse, to quech ya lyric thrist
Don't be deceived by the church, or any religon
Therefore one must study to see how they work
What is worth alot of money can mean alot of danger
Which turns to anger, surronded by strangers

J.T.S.
05-25-2007, 01:39 PM
Dollars n' cents


Chrous

Came up broke, sold coke, but never got caught
Shooting dice in the park
while other adolescents played ball in the park
Surrounded by sharks i busted shots in defense
For trying to stick me for "dollars n' cents"

Verse won

Time-out i had to take from the block
People getting shot, jakes rushing spots
Harrasing us for toking pot
Summer time emotions hot
While many were concerned wit putting rims on they drops
I wanted to be on top of the street pay-roll
Spot-light bandit that never layed low
Seen close friends fall like dominos
Over hoes, money, cars, and clothes
I caught the effect
Glock on my side, life was a mess
Cops treating me like a terrorist
But the dollars kept me wit enemies on the set
Figured figures would have my future set
Smoking ciggaretts
Flicking my ashes on the ground the hood is wrecked
Moms saying like dad i'll be next to be checked in a cage
I wasn't afraid thought i was invincible
Living by the street principles
Had the flow but local shows didn't pay enough
Good times were fucks, and getting drunk
Trees had me smoked out
But at night before bed to God i'd shout
" please Give me a way out!"
Ma kicked me outta house, swears coming out my mouth
Eventually i bounced , and returned
Unconcerned wit her concerns
While she was screaming i was letting the reefa burn

Verse 2

Puffing cigars, a young Ceasar pushing packages in cars
Block star facing trial, from the rugged style tribulations
School drop-out, but i was good at math like asians
But too much blazing didn't help my situation
Fuck sitting and waiting on a blessing from above
Dimes played me close at clubs
Blood-thirsty thugs filled my Civic wit slugs
Thank god the saint was elsewhere
wouldn't have gotten an operation wit no health-care
Allah saved this ex-slave from gun sprays
Preying to the east on the hill where cattle eat
Sick of the street life, wicked, and trife beefs
Carrying heat trying not to get clapped like my late peeps
Too strong to weep, the loses swept away my sanity
Burning trees on my canopy
Can it be? My high some-how motivated me
To succeed eager to live the good life
Homicides on my side of town every night
Never knew good-nights
Just shootin' dice, getting nice,fucking , and pit-fights
Or robbing softies for ice, beating cats like Christ
Was like thrashing was a passionate passion
Idolized Charles Manson, maniac phantom
Dreaming of the model, beamer, and the mansion
Up-state estate, country ranch wit the horses
Fuck illusions, banking ends, up-lifting my fortune
Torching my spliff listening to Mr. Lif
In the process i preceeded to proceed with my needed progress

Chrous

Verse 3

Moving on out the hood only to come back
Li'l ghetto boys strapped, nobody scraps
Every blocks a trap, 1 out of every 10 cats a rat
My own find it fundamental to bust a cap
But it's not us flooding the community wit gats, and crack
Nobody cares in fact they cheer when a crooked cop gets clapped
Alot of my fam from the burbs wonder how i relax
In this setting when every other day it's a funeral, or wedding
In the kitchen cutting up, or on the block betting
Shits been out of hand, feds hopping out of vans
Saw me do a hand-to-hand selling my cd to one of my man's
Made look foolish they'll do anything to rule us
Thank-ful the o.g.'s schooled us since pre-schoolers
Same drunken men with 30 beers in they coolers
Used to ride scooters know it's motorcycles
Used to bust bebe guns know it's rifles

J.T.S.
06-07-2007, 11:37 AM
upping

Wyze Waze Allah
06-07-2007, 02:21 PM
ight yo checc it

IN the temple of darts I hit targets, the shits sparkin/
And i bet niggas "kibble", like a "bitch", wen dem gunz "barking/
Outline chalkin, creep night sleep walkin, butterfly knife, hawkin/
Fucc the talkin, keep the tongue near your larynx/
Before u get beat, my team rolls like a phalanx/
But this ain't sparta or rome, not even persia/
But my bars be reapin niggas, wen i spit, i'm wanted for murder/
The soul burgler, jacc for soul ownership of this conglomorate/
I'm bombin it, gosh darnit, white folks even think i'm dominant/
I get the gurls moist from the sound of my voice/
It's liek the drug of thier choice, even wen i whisper they REJOICE/
So please b poised, got guns but lyrically i will squeeze these toys/
Don't front, tell me "watchu want", like the beastie boys/
As the swords swing innocent bystandards get flatter/
Fucc ju-jitsu, i'm like a ginsu, even make bruce lee flattered/
Scattered body parts, like puzzle peaces on da ave./
Life is bad enough, shit ain't addin up, u do da math/
Choose yo path, one is a dark erry hallway/
The other one has light, but travel it, and it'll be along day/
I travel the dark tunnels, it's where I feel the most love/
Wen no flashlights flashed bright, jsut my thoughts as my bulb/
With every flicc of the wrist, its like da flicc of my switch/
I grip this rap shit, courtesy of my clever clinch/
Never flinch, stand my own ground, i'm heavy bitch/
Run da streets like a tracc meet, i run da fence/
Is u dumb or dence, picc or choose/
Before u get bruised, make da wrong choice u get bruised/
I ain't amused is dere a smile on facial/
Hell no, i hate yo, oven bake you/
Get my thugs to take u, kidnap yo kids, while u dead/
And get my niggas to do everything to dem dat biggie said/ (kidnap kids, fucc them in da ass throw them over da birdge)
Before i through them over the bridge u feel in da blank/
Like a felon I thank(think), predicate warship mindstate/
Before da next verse try not to fall of da plank/
THINK

J.T.S.
06-08-2007, 11:18 AM
God looking on blessing this, tha was a tight one,

Father N Dangerous
06-08-2007, 03:48 PM
good thread J.T.S long time no see from ya eh?

Bigot Hitman
06-09-2007, 01:15 AM
J.T.S. we gotta get together an build sumtime, on sum real shit

J.T.S.
06-11-2007, 12:48 PM
I agree.

bad boy T
03-05-2008, 06:46 AM
J.T.S killz it like always

J.T.S.
03-05-2008, 11:01 PM
Thanks man, peace.