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JackOfHearts
02-18-2007, 12:08 PM
i had a page b4 but its got lost sumwher in the chambers.

jus a little freestly off th top of my head....

princepoetik introduction

diamonds reflect my nervous system's words like glorious refraction
hacking skulls with pure lyrical magic- passive violence, power unlatchin'
I love and hate like confused lovers- skitzophrenic, im my own brother
I love whisky splashing the glass erratically- kissing my lips, fueling my battery

girls catch my eye, focus dream catchers- lies line my head- twisted stashes
i grab the laughter and swallow its joy- i laugh forever, hollow meaning, man stuck with a boy
poised for thought- then drop the lyrics- smokes a tab, and bash the liver
im going to fuck myself up quicker.

JackOfHearts
02-23-2007, 09:43 AM
responce wud b gud, will repay favour

Father N Dangerous
02-23-2007, 09:49 AM
haha good vocabulary very insightful! could be structured better so wat ur trying to potray would stick out more and be more fluent w/ da flow but mediorce nonetheless! decent intro..

JackOfHearts
02-23-2007, 09:53 AM
cheers pal, it was jus random free-verse shit!

JackOfHearts
02-23-2007, 09:54 AM
cheers lad, was jus free-verse tol get going

JackOfHearts
02-24-2007, 08:46 AM
.....

LHX
02-24-2007, 11:47 AM
keep going wiff it

stream of consciousness style is dope

maybe shorten the lines a lil - thats just a preference tho

Bigot Hitman
02-24-2007, 10:47 PM
i had a page b4 but its got lost sumwher in the chambers.

jus a little freestly off th top of my head....

princepoetik introduction

diamonds reflect my nervous system's words like glorious refraction
hacking skulls with pure lyrical magic- passive violence, power unlatchin'
I love and hate like confused lovers- skitzophrenic, im my own brother
I love whisky splashing the glass erratically- kissing my lips, fueling my battery

girls catch my eye, focus dream catchers- lies line my head- twisted stashes
i grab the laughter and swallow its joy- i laugh forever, hollow meaning, man stuck with a boy
poised for thought- then drop the lyrics- smokes a tab, and bash the liver
im going to fuck myself up quicker.

I can't take ur word on this being a off the dome piece, but anyways, the flow was near perfect on it. U utilized multi syllable words in a way that the lines wouldn't sound strecthed over a beat. The concepts were basic, but still half-way creative. The couple of metaphors i caught were blunt an understandble, plus good. The vocab was common, and nuthin u would have to go look up, but still over the average level. The best line in this verse was this to me:

I love whisky splashing the glass erratically- kissing my lips, fueling my battery

Just makes sense and the flow is perfect, when u ryhme these type of words u don't even need multies. Big up on these verses. 8.7/10

JackOfHearts
02-25-2007, 11:16 AM
thanks v much il repay the favour pal

JackOfHearts
07-16-2007, 10:18 AM
ode to uk culture

get pissed and sink into the dizzy limits- new visions occuring
drink with precision, listen to the singing stirring
luring drunks pissin up the bar, head lifted to th alkaholics star
far from normal, close to revelations- drinkin through the nation

lack of patience drink shots and lager- lookin for the cheapest drinks that hit harder
throat like lava smoking packs of L n B, mix with resin and raise the levity
stinkin memory already blurred for the after show- not drunk yet? you drink too slow
sick flows the streets pukin up the acid- flowing throuh the night like a rapid

pickin fights with strangers you hate for no reason- get fukd, KOd leavin the pavement bleedin
pleading for a quid for another drink- swallow a pill and rush to the sink
face left pink with the trance- knocking the people with the drinker's dance
no chance with the moody bouncer or the police- losing yourself in a fermemtated beat

lovin the controversial, drinkin the sorrows, speakin in shambles
ode to the uk youth that no one can handle



^jus a quick piece........drop ur comments and il repay favour :)