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BoAr
02-25-2007, 04:23 PM
Aight.. this might take a bit of explaining.. The concept is being imprisoned.. Mentally, Emotionally, and finally Physically.

Mentally, I'm imprisoned, because I feel I'm locked up with having to write rhymes.. Sometimes, I honestly get the feeling that all I'm good for is music.. (And in music, you call lines.. bars)

Emotionally, it's the story of a drunk, who feels like he can't get through the emotional parts of his life, without some drank in him.. He's locked up in that sense, to booze.. (You drink, at bars)

Physically, it's loosely based on my father.. Story of a man trying to support his family, and gets locked up because of it.. and now realizes that he can't help his family, even moreso then when they were broke.. This verse was the least complex, but meant the most to me.. It's still very nicely written, IMO.. (Also, in prison, you're behind, bars)


VERSE ONE:
It seems I'm just gettin' sicker every MOMENT-I-WASTE
Tryna grab HOLD-IN-THE-RACE, it ain't SLOWIN'-ITS-PACE
All I'm tryna do is blow up, shit'll EXPLODE-IN-MY-FACE
For NO-ONE-IT-WAITS, and sometimes, the pressure MOTIVATES
But, I'm tryna shoulder the load, carry every BOULDER-IT-TAKES
'Til my, knees'll buckle and my SHOULDERS'LL-BREAK
I'm just tryna live a good life, not KNOWIN'-MY-FATE
Whether I'll, SMOLDER-WITH-SNAKES or reach the HOLIEST-GATES
The game has got me on a leash, and it'll SHORTEN-THE-CHAIN
And every time I'm fuckin' up, it helps the TORTURE-SUSTAIN
I'm my own worse critic, "Man, that CHORUS-IS-LAME"
People love Hov, they're never goin' SUPPORT-YOU-THE-SAME"
I ain't even greedy, I just hope the FORTUNE-IS-GAINED
But I ain't lookin' for the glamour or a PORTION-OF-FAME
I just hope I got the cash to fix the LEAKS-IN-THE-ROOF
Hopefully, I'ma sell when I'm SPEAKIN'-THE-TRUTH


Behind these bars, I feel so at home
While I try to escape
With misery as company, I'm still all alone
And time don't compare to the life I waste

VERSE TWO:
He sittin' on the stool, with with his DRINK-IN-HIS-GRIP
Icebergs in his glass, steady SINKIN'-HIS-SHIP
They pour another and he's WETTIN'-HIS-TONGUE
He's REGRETTIN'-THIS-ONE before the SESSIONS-BEGUN
He sighs out, lettin' loose every BREATH-IN-HIS-LUNGS
Smellin' the SCENT-OF-HIS-RUM, but hell, the STRESSIN'-IS-DUMB
He knows what he's doin', he's NEGLECTIN'-HIS-SON
But he's ordering the third before the SECOND-IS-DONE
It's like, every time his boss HANDS-'EM-A-CHECK
He PLANS-TO-JUST-SET it aside, but to the TAVERN-HE-JETS
And THAT-HE-REGRETS...
And his wife always tellin' the kids not to bother daddy 'cause DADDIES-UPSET
He can't help it, he's worried, got PROBLEMS-TO-SOLVE
But with every drink he's takin', another PROBLEM-EVOLVES
He keeps tellin' himself, man TONIGHT-WAS-THE-WORSE
But he really can't see himself FIGHTIN'-THE-URGE


Behind these bars, I feel so at home
While I try to escape
With misery as company, I'm still all alone
And time don't compare to the life I waste

VERSE THREE:
Everyday you hustled, you was MAKIN'-SOME-CASH
To keep the water runnin' so ya babygirl can TAKE-A-BATH
Tried ESCAPIN'-THIS-PATH, do AWAY-WITH-THE-STASH
Get a regular job, bosses looked in ya FACE-AND-JUST-LAUGHED
Every muthafucka judgin', you can't TAKE-IT-NO-MORE
So every bastard that wasn't hiring just MAKES-YOU-RESORT
To the streets, and now you got ya CASES-IN-COURT
Ya little family showin' up, and every FACE-IS-SUPPORT
Beause it's breakin' you apart, knowin' they'll THROW-AWAY-THE-KEY
And it's gonna be a while for you HOLD-YA-BABY-SEED
You wish you could do it over, you would THROW-AWAY-THE-KEYS
But when you've made the mistake is the ONLY-WAY-YOU-SEE
That what you pushin', is poison, POLUTTIN'-YA-LIFE
So you can get the NEWEST-OF-NIKES, a fathers LOSIN'-HIS-LIFE
REDUCIN'-HIS-WIFE to tears, both of you PLAYIN'-WITH-DICE
He gave you the money, but now, you're PAYIN'-THE-PRICE



Behind these bars, I feel so at home
While I try to escape
With misery as company, I'm still all alone
And time don't compare to the life I waste

noel411
02-26-2007, 03:19 AM
That was tight. The message was strong and all verses were well structured. Only negative for me was I really can't stand when people do the emphasis on multies thing (capitals, bold, italic, whatever). It really takes away from the quality of the written for me. But yeah, definately a solid song.