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oDoUoSoKo
03-11-2007, 09:44 PM
the expert in lyrical text merk, the next jerk quick to talk
gets serial pistol popped thru his sweat shirt and left in a cereal box
hearing a glock explode is similar to the sound of a crunching
skull when vehicular homicide is commited, punching
bull powered fist thru a competitor with predetor intent better invent
a weapon to prevent the menacing kick that leaves ya head in cement
devils and gents id like to introduce my explosive psychosis
that arose from hypnosis provoking my motive's mitosis
and notice im keeping my breath long enuff to beat u to death
with a legion of left handed people who sleep in 'jects
who seek respect by the being the best at freeing tibet
be nice bitch or an ice pick ill leave in ya neck
im type swift with the combo leave a 27 hitter
and my horizontal mambo got ya honey gettin fitter
zangief in the damn sheets im shaking they spine back
and raging cemen ya bitch for faking the climax...(AHHHH)

To Be Recorded....

VillainousV
03-12-2007, 03:29 AM
Nice content n vokab:thumbup:

NASTY NAK
03-12-2007, 11:40 AM
meh its ok

Bigot Hitman
03-12-2007, 03:17 PM
I know ur not gonna listen but i'ma suggest sumthin to you to make your flow more live'er. Look how these lines are rhymed together:

I write verses cuz i really don't like hearses
Unless they holdin when my enemy, cuz i'm bold when extend'in thee
Clips, you know i speak shit, that you pretend ta be
My spokens leave u speachless, blitzkreig couldn't breach this
O u hard? i intend to see, as i bend yo mental like hennesy


If u incorparate stanzas like this inside of your verse it sounds much more alive over audio. Without it if u go line fine with the same rhyme scheme the shit can get played unless ts a real short piece.

What u did on your verse i would consider almost a stagnant and uniform flow like i said before. ANyways, i didn't catch any ill wordplay, your mini concepts weren't too played and u can with sum new thoughts but the originailty wasn't at a real high level.

Overall: 7/10 (For u)


Drop a comment: http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34244

oDoUoSoKo
03-12-2007, 07:57 PM
i literally just posted it cause its a joke track we doing, it has no life force, no sense of being...it was written a certain way as an inside joke...cuz my boi sux...

so, as for ur unbelievable amounts of wisdom...u can fuck off, because i could understand u trying to help but "your ego" is so big u feel ur nice enuff to tell people how to rap...jus becuase u use "" marks.

u have ur style..i dont tell u how to rap, so dont tell me...thanks for the feed everyone else.

Bigot Hitman
03-12-2007, 09:00 PM
i literally just posted it cause its a joke track we doing, it has no life force, no sense of being...it was written a certain way as an inside joke...cuz my boi sux...

so, as for ur unbelievable amounts of wisdom...u can fuck off, because i could understand u trying to help but "your ego" is so big u feel ur nice enuff to tell people how to rap...jus becuase u use "" marks.

u have ur style..i dont tell u how to rap, so dont tell me...thanks for the feed everyone else.

Its just a suggestion, its got nuthin to do wita ego at all, anyways u should try it

oDoUoSoKo
03-14-2007, 06:01 PM
u shood try rapping with ur mouth closed.

NASTY NAK
03-14-2007, 08:59 PM
thats impossible

SHRAP
03-14-2007, 10:50 PM
u shood try rapping with ur mouth closed.

u should take your own advice and try that instead of rapping in a lil girl voice