View Full Version : quick short verse, is this better?

07-22-2005, 07:52 PM
When my fists punch you go dead like clickity clack
Not a chiroproctor, but ya leaving with a rickity back
Are you looking for trouble with your lies are is Jiminy Cricket back?
Your garbage dog, saw you diggin out some of my throw away lyrics
Asking for the germ, but you can't handle this like hot pans n shit
Lets keep this peace with a handshake or I'll chop hands n shit
Number 1 on the site, don't believe me, thats why your checking back like my name states
Breaking backs like the catalyst taking names
Leaving you paralyzed in a E.R. like Christopher Reeves for jumping ship
And you a hater, thats why I heard from your car my thumping shit

07-22-2005, 08:06 PM

07-22-2005, 11:51 PM
honest opinion..? stop postin' for now, practice for a few months, then practice some more... then try again when you have somethin' solid... otherwise, you'll most likey get ignored...



07-23-2005, 12:04 AM

07-23-2005, 12:59 AM
dont say ok! practice on here dude, i will tell you what i think. i mean, it could use work, but get your posts up, get respect, and let me see your work


07-24-2005, 09:44 AM
Yah you need to get your content on track. Ignorance is another fall of mankind. Gain your skill and you can flourish.

"And must determine, the truth for honesty is one of the highest deciplines, all went naturally, yes we must proceed, and cannot continue with fall-backs, for going forward is whats survival, most can be translated, the only outcome will be then, though won't be related, just at that moment there is silence, for its simple, the timing is what gave all the meaning and cannot care there, that we shall give them what they have always got, as there are all sorts, skill would be established, they will run to the next human".

Killer Falcon
07-24-2005, 11:07 AM
it was ok. just keep on practising and you will improve. keep up writing