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Majestic
04-13-2007, 02:11 PM
yo im swirlesy, im the new breed,
i dont need you or no-one else to suceed,
im the type of guy, your mother wants you to be,
but you or your mother aint got shit on me,
if you walk around these streets, without a weapon,
youll get a first class trip, directly to heaven,
depending on your life, it could be to hell,
we dont know yet, but time will soon tell,
if you wanna go stepin, into my shoes,
i got everythin to gain, but nothin to lose,
being in the rap game is all about the money,
when you get the cash, youll attract the honeys.

speed up the ryhmes, slow down the beats,
i get honored everytime i take a step on the streets,
the legends of the deceesed live on when ever i raise the roof,
let me just say Rest in peace to big Proof,
also to ODB and T-U-P-A-C,
Jam master Jay, and the BIG,
and not forgetin Aaliyah, Left Eye and Eazy E,
i wouldnt be where i am today without your words of wisdom,
helpin me get through every ruf day,
and any trouble that has been thrown in my way,
u helped me stand tall when i was beginin to fall,
i just wanna say thank you and i love you all.


ballin through faster than the speed of light,
before you see me speed through il be outta sight,
cruisin throught manchester in me GTR Skyline,
grafftin for years just to say its mine all mine,
workin my fingers to the bone everyday of the year,
reachin 160 as i push into sixth gear,
subtle black body work lifted by black chromes,
20 inch,12 spoke, rapped around bridgestones,
Galaxy 102 blarin through my speakers,
pushin the accelerator via my air max sneakers.

n e gd?

noel411
04-15-2007, 04:22 AM
Sounds like you're pretty new to this. This is a reasonable start. It's basic on all accounts, but you've timed your bars evenly and kept a workable structure which is very important. Lyrically you'll want to work for more. Try picking up some new rhyme schemes and experimenting with that. And you need to work on a more compelling style of writing. For example try using some wordplay and writing metaphorically rather than just putting your lines so bluntly and plain. You'll improve if you work on it, so keep at it dude.