View Full Version : child of a lesser god

04-14-2007, 03:05 AM
i grew up a introvert, barely had friends
got roasted at school, tattered gear, no ends
mama on da crack pipe, daddy locked up again
used to sleep on the floor, no room so no bed
wit my aunt and cousins, birthdays come around
so sorry for ya, no cake to be found
young murks was that fat kid in the back of the class
didnt wanna raise my hand, my vision was bad
squintin' at the black board,yo straight gettin' mad
like man, fuck this class, a regret i have
grades was mediocre yo i suck at math
got help from nobody, they ignored my ass
i was shunned, winterhalter fuckers called me a bum
girls didnt even look at me like im medusa's son
fought this popular kid the first round i won
the next day after school faggot had me jumped
went down swinging tho, i aint no punk

ay yo
i kept to myself, isolated talked to myself
drew pictures of pumpkins killing people, praying for death
lunch room, niggaz throwing shit, i got up and left
got caught, went home, last time i got whipped
high school, freshman year, hair nappy as shit
book bag a duffle bag, could fit two midgets in it
the laughing stock, put on front street, some trout mouth bitch
crackin' jokes, fuck you hoe! you can suck my dick!
missing buses, told my crushes how i felt
one shrugged it off while the other hooked up with my mans
my only girlfriend dumped me for for someone younger and
the chick i asked to prom was in to older men
wound up flunking out, 5 credits short
went to job corps, got kicked out for suicidal thoughts
since then its been the unbeaten path i walk
alone, the boulevard of broken dreams i stalk
where i belong

Bigot Hitman
04-14-2007, 02:10 PM
That shit was the best verses i've read on this site (exlude'in me), for a long while. The rhyme schemes was real complex and the flow on the second verse was pretty good too. The one metaphor you had bout like u was medusa's son was good, but i'd have about atleast two a verse. Real ill ones that standout. The storyline was basic, but it was good. You could prolly expand on this for a third verse i would think, that would make this piece better.

8.5/10 Good shit

04-14-2007, 02:57 PM
thanks for the feed back big. the reason its no third verse is i wrote it to a beat the ends like shortly after the last line. practice makes perfect ya know. thanks again

Dr Sleepwalker
04-14-2007, 05:25 PM
was feelin' it hard man.. it read mad nicely.. and kept gettin' better and better.. thanks for the story fam, you got nice vision

04-15-2007, 05:14 AM
Nice verse man. Read very smoothly and had interesting content. It was more like a simple poem than a rap, but it read from line to line very fluently. It has quite a negative vibe and kind of suggests an acceptance of defeat. Thoughtful writing. Keep at it.