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AcidPhosphate69
05-05-2007, 01:42 AM
Temple slackin', mental lackin'
Axe text, choppin' type hex
Lex Luthor, the booth truth or
Mind shooter, scooter skiin'
Fleetin' flows, greetin' hoes
Leakin' lavender liquid
"Dope" stricken', bleed purp
Burp bionic chronic, smoke tonic
Ionic nice nasty, on it twice fast B
Passively word-slinger, linger
Loungin' lavish, ravage tomes
I write savage poems, subculture
Cultivate some culture, vulture
Peepin' never speakin', frequent
Drops mopped, two feeds tops
Few top notch spots, lyrics rock
Roll, soul holds creative control
Related poll shows, we need mo' flows
Big ups to Big, fig this nig knows
Stories, gory soarin' sickness
Witness a Saint flippin', trippin'
Grippin' language, bangin' Boston
Flossin' and tossin' back, Jersey mack
Tek Stylez, wrecks wild with textstyles
Camo textiles attack, crack tracks
Back bustin' deepness, peep this
BigBen sends penned gems, stems
To flowers, powers deep thought for hours
Showers of new showin', potential growin'
Sowin' seeds, dope reads and feedback
We need that, slack, picked up
Quick up the pace, hiccup the laced
Vomit nasty raspy, lastly don't pass
Grass high, supplied nigh flyin'
Verses, curses and lyrical hearses
Burstin' and bustin', trust in
This lustin' lingual, single mind signal
I find simple, this ugly rhyme pimple

Johnny 6-feet
05-05-2007, 06:42 AM
To me, with read like psykobabble linked up with some nice multi's. There was ghostface vibe to the whole thing but i reckon that was the point right? There was a touch of nice imagery here and there and the flow of the piece was strong. It was easy to read. I'd like to see you tell something a little more storybased though.

Keep on posting and please rtf.

AcidPhosphate69
05-05-2007, 02:17 PM
Good looks on the feedback. I was trying to say we need more feedback and people in here besides the handful of strong writers. I do sometimes write a story kind of thing, if you want to see somethign more along those lines you can check my other thread.

Again, you're new so that's pretty cool you dropped some good feedback, thanks.

Bigot Hitman
05-05-2007, 09:38 PM
Flow: 5/5
This was the most realistic flow i've read in a while, a duke with a stuttering problem could spit this flow over a beat straight. Real even throughout.

Concepts/substance: 4/5
You had some nice new concepts in there:

Lex Luthor, the booth truth or
Mind shooter, scooter skiin'

"Dope" stricken', bleed purp
Burp bionic chronic, smoke tonic
Ionic nice nasty, on it twice fast B

Then you had your typical rap verbs/adjectives and then some lines for props to some members ( i caught mine), overall, i could listen to these lyrics and not get tired of them for a while.

Rhyme schemes: 4/5
This is how i want to write sometimes, but it seems like i got too much to say so i need alot more words than you. But you got hidden concepts in their that nobody would figure out becuz u choose not to really explain what your sayin, u just put out their raw like either u get or u don't which makes u a unique writer on this site. The short two syllable rhyme scheme throughout this verse, u wrote it perfect.

This might be alittle high cuz i've seen better from u but this is what it comes out to overall: 13/15-good shit

noel411
05-06-2007, 09:00 PM
Nice drop dude. Loved the flow on this one. Fluent and fast paced. I’d like to hear it over a beat. Good variation of rhyme patterns too. Good stuff.