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View Full Version : Dr. Sleepwalker - A Part Of Me


Dr Sleepwalker
05-06-2007, 03:01 PM
This is....

My conflict,.. spoon feedin' these shadows that stare../
Moon flee'in the scene we share, til' it swollows these barrels of air/
That farewells the glare, from the glow, that follows the bear../
Into the cave and calls it quits, the symbol for days are walls with scripts/
Carved in with rocks and sticks.., I starved, just to stop the shits/
I'm scarr'd, like when it's hard to piss... discard the miss that hits the floor/
His card was pulled and hissed for more, pen has blood but the list is sore/
Damn these veins that run threw me, pumpin' this cold blood/
With nothin', but the substance of this rolled dub, with the fold tucked../
Licked and stamped, ready for ignition../
Swimmin' threw buildings, steady ambition/
A part of me wrote my story, the other had the final edit/
A minor credit to the driver with the higher debit.. bones to be broke/
By the same stones that didn't care if you woke.. don't stare into the rope/
Incase your head slips with them sleepy hands/
Don't chase your bed when the blinks stem to dreamy lamps/

noel411
05-06-2007, 08:56 PM
Hmmm, I don’t know man. There’s a bunch of lines in there which are pretty clear, and they’re really good, but some other lines don’t really seem to make sense. Kinda looks like some of this was written more just to rhyme rather than to actually say something. It’s hard to tell because your writing is abstract and often seems to be metaphorical, to begin with. I liked it, but several lines seemed a bit questionable. This section was really good…

Damn these veins that run threw me, pumpin' this cold blood/
With nothin', but the substance of this rolled dub, with the fold tucked../
Licked and stamped, ready for ignition../
Swimmin' threw buildings, steady ambition/
A part of me wrote my story, the other had the final edit/
A minor credit to the driver with the higher debit

Dr Sleepwalker
05-07-2007, 04:37 PM
yeh i feel you... it hard to get people to read things how i want them too...

but one thing i DONT do is put words in just to rhyme, my points can be scattered, and the way I put things aren't for everyone.. but if you wanna catch it, you gotta look deep into the words and whats bein' written.. cuz i basically open my mind up and pour my feelings in a detailed manner

6what131
05-08-2007, 01:14 AM
yo im feeling that, i can visualize that verse and create a scene from what you spat bro. god stuff

J.T.S.
05-08-2007, 12:51 PM
Unique didn't quite grasp what you were painting, but nonetheless i felt the piece, peace.