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noel411
05-11-2007, 12:37 AM
Before you even entered you could sense the hostility,
A drawing force was present and hence the possibility-
Of willingly proceeding was greatly enhanced,
All those who chose to advance were almost entranced,
A path is mostly hidden amongst weeds and bushes,
Only painted in streaks where the moonlight pushes-
Through overhanging branches which twist and intertwine,
And are clouded and shrouded in mist in winter time,
This narrow path ends at a small set of worn stairs,
Which are every bit as shabby as the worn and torn chair-
Which furnishes a balcony that shudders under foot,
With an uncertainty similar to what roaring thunder puts-
In the mind of a child at the height of a storm,
Where both a sense of fascination and fright often form,
A door stands open and reveals a flickering light,
A man might stand in a trance as shadows dance in the night,
As you step inside, on the left is a staircase,
Spotted in blood, and at the foot of which there lays-
A blood doused knife a housewife might use for chopping,
A trail continues to a doorway on the right without stopping,
And follows through a gloomy room, ending at a fireplace,
Where a young manís body lays with a terrified and tired face,
A sooty fire poker is protruding from his throat,
Blood leaks from his mouth and trickles down to his coat,
The ticking of the heart quickens, stricken by this sickening sight,
Now back to the staircase, passing by the flickering light-
Of a candle on a table sitting to the doorís right,
The flame suspended like a kite, but a little more bright,
Halfway up the stairs the blood trail ceases,
At the top glass is scattered on the floor in pieces,
Thereís a cabinet on the wall where the door has been shattered,
And a closet in a bedroom where the door is in tatters,
Thereís a shotgun on the floor amongst traces of the door,
And the girl in the corner has no face anymore,
Just a wide, gaping hole that gets lost in the darkness,
A teddy bear glares from the hands of the carcass,
Leaving this room now, thereís light down the hall,
Shadows abound and crawl right around the walls,
At the end thereís a bedroom where a candle is burning,
A bottle of scotch has been emptied before overturning,
Lustful letters of love litter a bed in the corner,
To a woman named ĎMelí, from a ĎFrederick Warnerí,
Now itís back downstairs and then down another hall,
To the kitchen, where we witness an unfaithful motherís fall,
A spilled pot is on the floor, the stove is still lighted,
It reveals the peeling face of a woman, which is bright red,
Matching the colours of her naturally white threads,
As blood leaks from multiple stab wounds and spreads,
From the first body another blood trail commences,
Ending at a door, the body tenses as it senses-
The likely possibility of whatís on the other side,
Indeed it leads to a basement, the place where another died,
A lantern stands on a table and enables us to witness-
What became of the final victim of his own hit list,
His body hangs from a rope which scratches at his throat,
Fluids drip from blood soaked patches on his coat,
A shiny puddle forms just below his dangling feet,
And resting next to this is an overturned seat,
Piecing it together, you might start to see the order-
In events that took place in this crooked case of slaughter,
Which saw the demise of mother, father, son and daughter,
Memories canít be washed away even with a tonne of water,
This all took place many long years passed,
But every time I return itís the same as the last,
Cause Iím Frederick Warner and I was Melís lover,
And the guilt always finds me no matter how well I cover,
I can never escape it, though so many ways I try,
Iíll be trapped in that house until the day I die.

SID
05-11-2007, 06:11 AM
yeeeeaaaahhh! i felt that from start to finish, excellent discripitions...keep it up g

J.T.S.
05-11-2007, 11:34 AM
[quote=noel411;808249]Before you even entered you could sense the hostility,

A drawing force was present and hence the possibility-
Of willingly proceeding was greatly enhanced,
All those who chose to advance were almost entranced,
A path is mostly hidden amongst weeds and bushes,
Only painted in streaks where the moonlight pushes-
Through overhanging branches which twist and intertwine,
And are clouded and shrouded in mist in winter time,
This narrow path ends at a small set of worn stairs,
Which are every bit as shabby as the worn and torn chair-
Which furnishes a balcony that shudders under foot,
With an uncertainty similar to what roaring thunder puts-
In the mind of a child at the height of a storm,
Where both a sense of fascination and fright often form,
A door stands open and reveals a flickering light,
A man might stand in a trance as shadows dance in the night,
As you step inside, on the left is a staircase,
Spotted in blood, and at the foot of which there lays-
A blood doused knife a housewife might use for chopping,
A trail continues to a doorway on the right without stopping,
And follows through a gloomy room, ending at a fireplace,
Where a young manís body lays with a terrified and tired face,
A sooty fire poker is protruding from his throat,
Blood leaks from his mouth and trickles down to his coat,
The ticking of the heart quickens, stricken by this sickening sight,
Now back to the staircase, passing by the flickering light-
Of a candle on a table sitting to the doorís right,
The flame suspended like a kite, but a little more bright,
Halfway up the stairs the blood trail ceases,
At the top glass is scattered on the floor in pieces,
Thereís a cabinet on the wall where the door has been shattered,
And a closet in a bedroom where the door is in tatters,
Thereís a shotgun on the floor amongst traces of the door,
And the girl in the corner has no face anymore,
Just a wide, gaping hole that gets lost in the darkness,
A teddy bear glares from the hands of the carcass,
Leaving this room now, thereís light down the hall,
Shadows abound and crawl right around the walls,
At the end thereís a bedroom where a candle is burning,
A bottle of scotch has been emptied before overturning,
Lustful letters of love litter a bed in the corner,
To a woman named ĎMelí, from a ĎFrederick Warnerí,
Now itís back downstairs and then down another hall,
To the kitchen, where we witness an unfaithful motherís fall,
A spilled pot is on the floor, the stove is still lighted,
It reveals the peeling face of a woman, which is bright red,
Matching the colours of her naturally white threads,
As blood leaks from multiple stab wounds and spreads,
From the first body another blood trail commences,
Ending at a door, the body tenses as it senses-
The likely possibility of whatís on the other side,
Indeed it leads to a basement, the place where another died,
A lantern stands on a table and enables us to witness-
What became of the final victim of his own hit list,
His body hangs from a rope which scratches at his throat,
Fluids drip from blood soaked patches on his coat,
A shiny puddle forms just below his dangling feet,
And resting next to this is an overturned seat,
Piecing it together, you might start to see the order-
In events that took place in this crooked case of slaughter,
Which saw the demise of mother, father, son and daughter,
Memories canít be washed away even with a tonne of water,
This all took place many long years passed,
But every time I return itís the same as the last,
Cause Iím Frederick Warner and I was Melís lover,
And the guilt always finds me no matter how well I cover,
I can never escape it, though so many ways I try,

Iíll be trapped in that house until the day I die.



Whoa Gza type shit, but in ya own styles, marvelous Noel!!

SID
05-11-2007, 01:12 PM
^^^^damn noel you jus got the best feeback ive read on this site "gza type shit"

Johnny 6-feet
05-11-2007, 01:14 PM
Wow, a great story, actually i'm gonna go ahead and say that this is the best shit i've read on this site so far. You painted this horror story with fantastic imagery and a strangely detached emotional style. The rhyme scheme was stripped down, but that helped the various horrific images comes to life that much better. The punchline at the end of the piece was well done and well timed. you had me glued from start to finish. Great work man.

Keep posting.

NASTY NAK
05-11-2007, 06:31 PM
Would be better if your face wasn't so ugly...

noel411
05-12-2007, 11:19 PM
Cheers for the kind comments all. I appreciate it.

And be careful, Nasty Nak...Jealousy is a motherfucker.

SID
05-13-2007, 10:26 AM
Nasty Nak...Jealousy is a motherfucker.

^^^ 4 real

NASTY NAK
05-13-2007, 03:47 PM
And be careful, Nasty Nak...Jealousy is a motherfucker.


LOL you know i love your work bro...

when we gonna get back on msn and have sloppy cyber sex

noel411
05-13-2007, 04:49 PM
I wasn't suggesting you were jealous of my writing, but rather that you envy my stunning looks.

My home computer is fucked at the moment. I left it at the shop where I bought it, the other day. Still waiting to hear back about it. Once I get it back I'll have many sticky loads available to bust over you.

J.T.S.
05-14-2007, 12:22 PM
Up this peoples this own 80 percent of the shit in the temple!

Dr Sleepwalker
05-18-2007, 02:32 PM
sorry for sleeping on this, i've been busy,

i'm definetely glad i caught this... i really think your shit reads mad fluently,.. this was descriptive, had excellent choice of words fer a killah story..
Seen and felt... pea2e

& Lmao at the goof that wrote the ignorent remark about how his bars would be better if wasnt ugly... some gay ish bruv (Nasty Nak)

noel411
05-22-2007, 02:23 AM
Haha, Nasty Nak is my homie. He was just fucking around. It's a shame he can't be a bit funnier though. Anyway, thanks for the reply fam.

Cheers for the bump too, JTS.

J.T.S.
05-22-2007, 02:35 PM
Noel said cheers for the bump too, JTS.

No doubt Noel u deserve it, u always come with some creative art.

NASTY NAK
05-22-2007, 05:55 PM
It's a shame he can't be a bit funnier though.



LOL you make me laugh on my worst day man, foreal i love u khed

anyways i finally read this peice..this type of literary shit is typical of you, &&&& been inspired to write lately? Cuz from what I've seen you've had a lot of ideas lately

anyways brohem.. nice to see come comin' on this song strong

peace my mothafuckan homebwoy

Dr Sleepwalker
05-24-2007, 04:38 PM
word.. i jus thot it was some bullshyt comment, if ya bruvs is kool n shyt itz all love

Lil' Ruger
05-24-2007, 04:53 PM
bout fuckin time!!! or have you done another story lately? last one i remember wasd cheap rum from awhile bak always on the dope shit..

noel411
05-25-2007, 10:27 PM
Word to mother Nasty Nak. The last couple of joints I wrote were inspired. It just doesn't come to me as often as it used to. Probably because I'm quicker to dismiss something if I'm not really feeling it, these days. That pic with your sister inspired me to get on some nasty shit the other day, but I don't think I'll post that.

And yeah DK, this is the first story I've penned since that Bundy shit. I've got stories for days, but I like to try and pen a variety of different shit.

NASTY NAK
05-27-2007, 02:29 PM
Word to mother Nasty Nak. The last couple of joints I wrote were inspired. It just doesn't come to me as often as it used to. Probably because I'm quicker to dismiss something if I'm not really feeling it, these days. That pic with your sister inspired me to get on some nasty shit the other day, but I don't think I'll post that.

And yeah DK, this is the first story I've penned since that Bundy shit. I've got stories for days, but I like to try and pen a variety of different shit.


LOOOOLLLLL fakkk u man

ElusiveFugitive
05-28-2007, 03:23 AM
What up Noel!

I've been out for a minute, came back in on a whim and here you are droppin' heat again no doubt. Glad to see you shinin' a light in the temple

You've got a distinct ability for storytellin', thats for certain.
Its as though you're so intertwined in the content it would be near impossible to lose the sense of focus and perspective.

I was reading this while listening to the instrumental for Robbery by Killah Priest and the imagery formed in my head beautifully...genius

Peace ehoa
Elusive

noel411
05-28-2007, 10:02 PM
How ironic that you should pop in on the same night that my Eels smash the Warriors, haha. Good to see you passing through. You should drop something in here while you're around. It's been a minute. Anyway, thanks for the comment homie.

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
05-28-2007, 10:56 PM
this was a dope lil tale peace

noel411
06-01-2007, 07:18 AM
Thanks for the comment, fam.