View Full Version : 477 Cubits

07-25-2005, 12:57 PM
As you may derive from my name I adore the sun and the Egyptian God "Ra".
Now here's a couple of verses dedicated to him.

Born as Chepren, clothless, mother hopeless
exposes me like I was Moses on the river's brink
and since my barque does not sink
to glint shall be my everlasting stint

Grown up, reaching my zenith, understand it
Known as Ra enlighter of the planet
descended from Karaї, movin' up to Nahrina
passin' by six cataracts to my madīna

As geriatric Amun I maintain it static, I was
getting used to praise now I'm used to get it
in temples, like an addict I tremble as I
drown in Nile, red's my shroud when I die

While I dissolve in the flow, the current glows
makes me know I apparently owe
big to him, ought to stick to him, as I swim
in his velvet waves, 4 A.M. I'll leave my grave
and be born again

Just comment on these, tell me your opinions

07-25-2005, 01:11 PM
that was nice

07-26-2005, 12:33 AM
I did not know that's what your name meant in a sense? Its a nice verse although some places it lost its flow. But seemed to have some meaning. You tried well to incorparte your understanding with what could have been. Nice try

PS: Keep Posting

07-26-2005, 03:03 AM
@U-Turn: Cheers!

@GuardianOne: my name has different meanings but "ra" is a important part of it.
You're right, the flow is not always as sharp as in the beginning, mea culpa ;)

Thank's for posting

Killer Falcon
07-26-2005, 07:02 AM
nice verses, nice images in there. the flow could be improved tho, i lost track of it at times. keep posting


07-26-2005, 08:42 AM
Its alright


07-26-2005, 11:42 AM
Right, Winte - keep posting!