View Full Version : The Jesus Album (5%er Album parody)

Ultimate Fist
06-26-2007, 04:33 PM

Ultimate Fist presents...

The Jesus Album

Or what if The 5% Album was a Christian rap album? Listen to the 5%er album as you read this and it will make more sense.

1. Intro

Acknowledge Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior!

You Pharisees have done the minds of my people like a fever!
You have them keeping 9,999 commandments and they're still evil and corrupt, messed up, unrepentant brains!

Did you Pharisees just admit to your own corruption?

You that are unrepentant, possessed and evil servants of the Devil!

Money exchangers, your time is near at hand! Operate in my Father's house and your time will be now!

Salvation is a gift from the Son, it's a way of life. You can't earn it, it comes from G.O.D.

More to come...

06-26-2007, 06:44 PM

Bigot Hitman
06-27-2007, 12:45 AM
5%er's is so prejudice, i hate'em

Ultimate Fist
06-27-2007, 02:26 AM
2. Son Of Man (Original Man parody)

Ahh, ahh, yeah. Southern Baptist Convention.


Yo check me out, Moses and Aaron style,
Run Cainanites out of Is-ry-el,
And make them walk every step of the way,
Smash the idols from the Kabah to caves,
See ignorant folks,
Teach them the religion of Yahweh,
Satan will be exiled to a hole of fire,
For fathering thiefs and liars,
He sent false messiahs,
Magicians and mizers,
He ruled over Babylon,
And taught wicked man to rule Israel and destroy,
Which was Jesus's plan for Satan as a boy,
8 years old, debating the legal,
With rabbis wondering if he was for real,
While his mother searched for him,
Asking around, where he was nobody did know,
But he would be worldwide known,
When he was grown.

The Son of Man comes first
Lord of Heaven and Earth,
Spreading God's commands,
To people of all lands
(Who we work for?)
G.O.D. (X2)

We at the Mount talking about
Something to yell and shout,
Carrying bread in our bags,
Enough to feed thousands,
Government tax, It's Caesar so we pay that,
Dude, it's just stacks,
But we got all the Pharisees mad,
Cuz we make them look bad,
Yo you know who we with,
This love your brother shit, follow that,
Even when its filthy, ugly, with thugs,
Show love, Don't punch,
Stay out of temples where all they do is read,
This is more than a creed,
Improve the Ghetto and keep praying,
Yo God is Love,
I'm done, no playing


Four Sundays every months,
To church we went, not clubbing,
Jesus is a Harriet Tubman,
That free souls, that freeing word,
Free so breathe, Free since his birth,
In the Beth,
Jesus chose 12 brothers to represent,
Peter and Paul made that knowledge born,
Now there's ministers from the prisons to the college dorms,
You got to reach out to kids and bums,
People in third world countries,
Teach them about God,
All your life you must teach truth,
About the true and living God,
Don't listen to atheist books,
And when you do that, you pursue that goal,
So everyone know,
And only then they go to Heaven


I am He who wrote the Bible and Torah,
Who has walked this planet from Alpha to Omega,
Led in the right direction, I offer souls protection,
I teach in parables for answers to questions,
They call me Jesus, Jesus (Hispanic) and Yeshua,
Show and prove,
I taught the knowledge of God,
And gave thousands free bread,
It's the Messiah,
Raised from the dead by God's grace,
The tomb was opened by an earthquake,
Out of it came light,
And Mary saw my face.

06-27-2007, 02:05 PM
dope Fist, props-

Ultimate Fist
07-18-2007, 10:58 PM
Ten Commandments (Supreme Mathematics)

One, one is one God,
Two, two no idols,
Three, no blasemephy,
Born agains follow me,
Four, keep my Sabbath holy,
Five, honor yo pops and moms,
Six, don't kill wit a bomb,
Seven, no adultery,
Eight, no theivery,
Nine, don't lie or deceive,
Ten, don't covet what other have,
That's the ten commandments.

Ten commandments,
Don't do black magic,
Or God will make sure your ass kicked,
Civilize the savage, idoltary runs rampart,
We trying to save the babies (Damn it!)

Yo don't worship other gods that's monotheism,
Monotheism is the basis for Christianity,
Two's no idoltary,
The natural progression,
When you respect God you don't misuse his name,
As a swear word or to make false claims,
Four is to keep holy the Sabbath like a rabbi,
honoring your parents is five,
Six don't murder, ain't that common sense?
And when you got a wife, seven is to represent,
Eight is not to steal like Florida for the president,
Nine is stealing it aint kind,
And ten is wanting to steal in your mind


Yo in God's love all people are equal,
That's what the Samaritan story revealed,
God is Jesus and Jesus is God,
That was what was told in the Gospel of John
I was born twice,
First through my mom,
Then the water blessed by God,
Born is to be complete,
And to get on a holy street,
360 degrees,
Old Testament 120,
Gospels 120,
Revelations 120,
As it was in the beginning it will be in the end,
Ask the righteous,
That's the return of the Messiah,
And a perfect cipher.

Ultimate Fist
07-18-2007, 11:09 PM
Christian Interlude(Freedom Interlude)

Trying to be a Christian out here
The Fundies are getting crazy!
I'm seeing all these Christian running around playing the part of a Pharisee!
Making religion bad!
These hypocrites and wannabe Baptist who are just asses
Running around in the streets man, trying to convert people
We got a job to do
How many Christians running their mouth when they don't even understand the Bible,
Talking like they know some forbidden truth
We got to bring it back, we got to bring it back man, you know what I'm saying?
It's crazy man!
This nonsense I'm hearing
Man, I cant even watch Trinity Broadcasting anymore,
I can't let my children watch TBN no more!
Ain't nobody acting like a Christian
Aint nobody adding on!
They got caught in the devil's game!
But you know something,
I pay homage to these brothers man,
They're just trying to do what's right,
All us Christians got to get out there and start manifesting what it's really about,
We got to bring the church back,
The true and living saints back,
For real.