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Drift-J
12-01-2007, 02:41 PM
work in progress, soon to be recorded..

ayo,
step up,

get your ass kicked, faster then that fat kid,
who walked in a china store shook the floor n smashed the glass shit/
since i got glasses,
iv'e been able ta read write chirp fight, find the mic, n grasp it/
keep talking that shit,
i don't give a fuck, im'a keep dropping phat hits still tucking gat clips/
still fucking fat chicks,
you can find me in a touney playing cards with a mill worth of stacked chips/
keep droppin wack shit
i'll just cop your tape open the plastic n snap it
then re attatch it with a bomb strapped to the back wit ellastic and brown package, a licked stamp n your adress/
LiGhTs OuT, as soon as you make your way to Fife's house,
aint no fight now, we gone have ourselves a mic joust/
this kid's lethal, is what all the fucking herbs say when i bring it to them medi evil/
jus give me a reason to diss you n im'a diss you so hard that the next issue of the source'll dissmiss you/
we never miss you, hollow tips, sever tissue,
there's just too many critics on my shit list to sit through/
plus i don't know what else to do in my life time, but write rhymes,
and resite what I might find, to be tight, and ignite when the mics mine,
tonight im, gunna shine rob your sight blind/

Drift-J
12-01-2007, 02:48 PM
feed back..

Mattlocka
12-03-2007, 02:07 AM
Ok it's like this you need to be more creative in your opening but it does want me to read over again good.Use some biger words you would have a nigga on his toes then chop them off.

You said that you recording i done one record as of late.Are you down to get a lable for your work.Do you produce you own work if you do get back at me mybe we can team up and get some shit out there just pm me.One

J.T.S.
12-04-2007, 09:38 AM
Not bad, i like how the flow follows line after line.

TUCO
12-04-2007, 02:46 PM
shit

TeknicelStylez
12-05-2007, 05:05 AM
you can find me in a touney playing cards with a mill worth of stacked chips/
keep droppin wack shit
i'll just cop your tape open the plastic n snap it
then re attatch it with a bomb strapped to the back wit ellastic and brown package, a licked stamp n your adress/I thought them lines was hot, don't listen to fat locker he's a tool and he can't rhyme for shit.


FatLocker verse....


Ey yo Sean michael
You give me personally treats, send that shit back to ya mother
My brain have E.D fields, your writing donít fades the trigger
Pull it back harder, properly smash you like cake in the oven
This is not EVERWERE MAN, incorporated fuck there no heaven
Im not interested in his techniques,
Even the climax for the peck, sound to me who give a fuck?
Heís a other one that put clown on my shirt,
Just piss on me and leave down for the dirt,
As far artists nigga I started this,
WTF my raps didnít even need a roof to stay in
Not even a pussy to put my dick in
Around the world twice, not atmospheres to breath in
Music is a bitch, leave you flat that you are
Rhymes place me as second to none
You can flow on the mic, battle you on the spot show how nice ya not
Wear saddle when it hot, park my lethal rap in back of you lot

bad boy T
12-13-2007, 07:48 AM
The begining's good but after a while it get's repetitive

Still fucking fat chicks?

BornPower
12-15-2007, 06:03 PM
one could say it's ok based on your age, but we know that can't be said honestly anymore!

how can u listen to the wu and record something like that? find out what metaphors are and incorporate them into your style. T had a good point too. invest in a good dictionary.

sounds like you got the first line from an old eminem song...

singodsuperior
12-29-2007, 06:20 AM
sounds kind of choppy but it has a lot of potential

Drift-J
01-02-2008, 04:50 PM
it's pretty shitty
probably one of my weakest writtens, lol i did it over the bad boys for life beat,
it started out as more of a freestyle so i doubt i'll be recording it, i have a lot better shit to record then this

appreciate the feed back.