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SurreaL
08-10-2005, 01:32 AM
Through the Lie's the wind blew, it alway's lead me back to you,
alway's another story, alway's another tragedy,
You're never happy see, I could bring you the world and the sky,
but now I understand why you're happy when you cry.
I tried and complied with all you're posionous lullabie's,
seeping through my skin, corupting my mind with lie's and sin.
I thought we were forever, but a couple drink's can drown the silence,
another defiance, followed by night's of verbal violence.
A sleepless seattle, our restless figgure seperated by the dark,
followed by a cigerette, and a meaningless walk in the park.
As I ride on my mind's thought, fighting the pain my mind brought,
I sought out my mentality, and painted the picture heavy graphicly,
master plan hangin dramaticly, it was the door and I had the key.
no reason to keep the struggle, lose the dead weight,
I'll let fate carry me through this life, till heaven's gate.
Went back to the lab, with a plan and a logic,
Only to find you, bitch, hung dead in the closet.
My mind tripped, only a vision to dissapere, still had a plan in me,
but what I saw, was it real, or just a fantasy?
Found her where I left her, I should have left her where I found her,
Not let her swim in my mind, I should of drowned her
Though these time's of you and me, I thought we were for the better,
so I gave you one last kiss and left you with this letter.


-.Peace.-

SurreaL
08-10-2005, 09:39 AM
any feed would be cool. peace.

Killer Falcon
08-10-2005, 10:03 AM
that was a deep story, had to read it twice to understand it properly. good storytelling. flow was nice too, although it didnt flow from line to line very well in some places and the rhyme schemes were flawed in places, but that'll work itself out in time. nice verse altogether, keep doin ya thing.

peace

SurreaL
08-10-2005, 10:09 AM
thank's alot, peace.

Dae Ja Nae
08-10-2005, 12:58 PM
Deep piece Surreal ... very well written ... I'm really feeling the inner struggle. I know how hard it is to walk away from something that your mind knows is wrong, even though somehow in your heart it feels right. Instant gratification, with a shit load of unfortunate consequences in the end. Nice work man, and ...


Peace

SurreaL
08-10-2005, 03:59 PM
Thanks' Dae for looking at it, peace.

GuardianOne
08-11-2005, 02:29 AM
Yah this was a deep and sorrowful verse, quite, actually very captivating. And it spoke of a situation not ever told before. But it was a good verse and you put it very well. Nice verse.

Peace

SurreaL
08-11-2005, 03:53 PM
Thank's for peepin it GuardianOne, peace.

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-11-2005, 04:21 PM
Through the Lie's the wind blew, it alway's lead me back to you,
alway's another story, alway's another tragedy,
You're never happy see, I could bring you the world and the sky,
but now I understand why you're happy when you cry.
I tried and complied with all you're posionous lullabie's,
seeping through my skin, corupting my mind with lie's and sin.
I thought we were forever, but a couple drink's can drown the silence,
another defiance, followed by night's of verbal violence.
A sleepless seattle, our restless figgure seperated by the dark,
followed by a cigerette, and a meaningless walk in the park.
As I ride on my mind's thought, fighting the pain my mind brought,
I sought out my mentality, and painted the picture heavy graphicly,
master plan hangin dramaticly, it was the door and I had the key.
no reason to keep the struggle, lose the dead weight,
I'll let fate carry me through this life, till heaven's gate.
Went back to the lab, with a plan and a logic,
Only to find you, bitch, hung dead in the closet.
My mind tripped, only a vision to dissapere, still had a plan in me,
but what I saw, was it real, or just a fantasy?
Found her where I left her, I should have left her where I found her,
Not let her swim in my mind, I should of drowned her
Though these time's of you and me, I thought we were for the better,
so I gave you one last kiss and left you with this letter.


-.Peace.-

I like the highlited lines PEaCE

Roman Deini
08-11-2005, 04:25 PM
sorry to say but this looks familiar to me.

SurreaL
08-11-2005, 04:31 PM
Thank's Ben. for checking it out, And deini I wrote this without any music or anything, I wrote this from my mind man, If you can find where it's familiar from that'd be cool, cause i'm interested to know, peace.