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noel411
02-13-2008, 10:55 PM
Light shines in dark places, words emerge from drains in gutters,
They turn to bats and flutter as the people close their shutters,
A man gets caught and tries to scream but only stutters,
He dies behind a sputter of the cries he tries to utter,
Take a tour through the sewers that run beneath the city,
A shitty fetid wasteland, disgraced and full of pity,
Pools of gritty waste have their place and serve a purpose,
They’re a home to the creatures that lurk beneath the surface,
The lethal teeth of serpents provide a service which is certain-
To assure a dose of hurtin’ before they close the curtains,
Squirtin’ venom from the tips, it drips into the sludge,
And there’s no legislature cause nature is the judge,

An owl sits on its perch by the light of the moon,
A withered tree near a church is where it sits and croons,
There’s a well nearby, this well is near dry,
Through teary eyes a boy stares at the clear sky,
His home is the darkness, the damp and slimy brick,
At night he lays his back on a cramped and grimy slick,
Rat’s claws prick at his skin like a cactus,
Their eyes glow red through the thick of the blackness,
They’ve become his only friends in this glum and lonely den,
Blood drips from his fingers’ raw, numb and boney ends,
As he tries to climb the brick and he finds the grime is thick,
His grip quickly slips, he dies with one final kick,

A submarine lurks in the depths of the ocean,
And there’s no radar that will register its motion,
The occupants all died way back in the seventies,
But remained on the vessel cause they weren’t given heaven’s keys,
Eventually their energies were focused on their enemies,
They were never seen by any team whose vessel would descend the seas,
Struggling mentally their enemies would tend to flee defensively,
You can sense the grief when they speak, remembering these times, pensively,
Hence the brief pause after four more exhausted,
As we remember those who fought in these wars, and those who caused it,
Enforced it, endorsed it, killed and stayed remorseless,
The thoughtless savage forces, slaughtered soldiers and their horses,

Down in the deepest dark depths of the ocean,
An alien community have placed their devotion,
In developing their base and continuing research,
On the inhabitants of earth, avoiding becoming besmirched,
An immense metal dome conceals their activities,
They leave the fortress in saucers and come back with a seized-
Human being, who is then used in their experiments,
They answer many questions but they never give them evidence,
Malevolence is never sensed by those within their presence,
Their benevolence is evident, inherent in their essence,
Their lessons are a blessing to the few they use for testing,
They use these sessions for addressing many interesting questions,
Under brilliant white lights examinations are conducted,
Then structured files and dossiers are punctually constructed,
Which function in conjunction with a confidential covenant,
These instructions come from national and continental governments.

One and Only
02-15-2008, 02:34 AM
Damn...damn...damn...damn...I'm sorry I can barely say anything but that. This is like the sickest shit I ever read man for real. I love it. It flows amazingly and the imagery is off the hook. I'd like to read a book full of this right here.

noel411
02-21-2008, 10:36 PM
Gee thanks man. That's some pretty encouraging words right there. I appreciate it.

I'll try to take a look at your C Note's thread some time.

Cheers.

KERZO
02-22-2008, 05:33 AM
good wordplay and imagery noel411. i'm not really into the whole fantasy story telling rhymes that you got going on here but you got talent non the less.

It would be good to see you try some new rhyme schemes with different structures, syllablisms, meanings and vocabs..

..ciao for now chief :thumbup:

One and Only
02-22-2008, 11:26 AM
Gee thanks man. That's some pretty encouraging words right there. I appreciate it.

I'll try to take a look at your C Note's thread some time.

Cheers.

Thanks man and I just really love what you got going on. It's just so in depth. When you named this thread imagery you weren't kidding. You need to post more rhymes up on here.

J.T.S.
02-22-2008, 02:15 PM
Ok the first verse reminds me of the ghetto that's the picture i got from your verse.
Meaning the imagery's so vivid i could picture the scenes.

The second verse a homeless kid that might have comitted suicide.

Third verse was ridiculously ill breaking down a submarine never heard of that props for some originality.

I read the fouth verse like 4 times that's how interesting it was reminded me of a scene from x-files. Your still intriquing when it coes to the lyricism!
I only have one question? Why the fuck don't you record it Noel?????
I ask myself that same question!!

noel411
03-05-2008, 07:11 PM
Cheers for the comments Fermi, One and Only and J.T.S. I appreciate it. J.T.S, I do record when I get a chance. Have been for a while. Only thing is that I’m not real happy with anything that I’ve recorded to this date. That’s why I never post anything up or anything. At least not here. I’ve been writing tracks for an album for the last year or so, to some dope exclusive beats I get from a dude who used to post here. I plan on putting more effort into recording these when I get around to it. Maybe I’ll post some shit up here.

SID
03-06-2008, 02:11 PM
Im not even gonna lie, you a DOPE writer b, you got the imagery and the structure.....

Like j.t.s said, id like to hear your record some shit

ArcherPriest
03-06-2008, 02:51 PM
holy fuk noel!... flawlessness!... everything.. start to finish.. crazy vocab, images, multies, phenominal flow.. everything man.. fuckin dope! keep droppin the fire homie..pce

noel411
03-17-2008, 12:39 AM
Thanks for the comments, Sidious and King of Shit.

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
03-19-2008, 04:48 PM
Down in the deepest dark depths of the ocean,
An alien community have placed their devotion,
In developing their base and continuing research,
On the inhabitants of earth, avoiding becoming besmirched,
An immense metal dome conceals their activities,
They leave the fortress in saucers and come back with a seized-
Human being, who is then used in their experiments,
They answer many questions but they never give them evidence,
Malevolence is never sensed by those within their presence,
Their benevolence is evident, inherent in their essence,
Their lessons are a blessing to the few they use for testing,
They use these sessions for addressing many interesting questions,
Under brilliant white lights examinations are conducted,
Then structured files and dossiers are punctually constructed,
Which function in conjunction with a confidential covenant,
These instructions come from national and continental governments.

Yo Noel

u killed this... i love the imagery and everything you put in this. this was like reading a steven king novel without all the charecters and just the literary devices being in play here

noel411
03-22-2008, 07:02 PM
Cheers Lord. Always appreciated. I read a lot of King. Maybe I'm unconsciously borrowing some of his writing techniques?

NASTY NAK
03-25-2008, 08:38 PM
you have a dirty dingo dick :D

WARPATH
03-25-2008, 11:43 PM
you have a dirty dingo dick :D

Look what crawled out the wood work. :b

NASTY NAK
03-26-2008, 08:06 PM
Look what crawled out the wood work. :b

Wasup CS

Prototype
03-27-2008, 10:50 AM
This is one of the illest, grimiest pieces I've ever read from text. I mean goddamn. You have talent Duke, and one day, I hope to require just a sample of talent like this. Keep it up. I would pick a favorite verse, but I don't see a problem with any. So instead, I say fuck it. Vocabulary was excellent, and the stories in the versus hit nice.

noel411
03-28-2008, 07:24 AM
you have a dirty dingo dick :D
Nah man, not anymore. I've had an operation since you last gave me head.

Cheers Prototype. That's the sort of words that encourage me to keep going with this. Appreciated.