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Queen Of Poetry
08-12-2005, 09:50 PM
I thought there was a poetry section but I couldn't find it so mods please move this where it needs to be......thx and sorry.


Tall Dignified Honorable
He has the strength of 1,000 men
And yet has passion and compassion
I look at him in awe everyday
He has shown me how to respect myself and others
May not like my way of life or the path that I have chosen
But he tells and shows me everyday how proud he is of me
The fact that I have made my own way
Nobody in the world will ever love him as much as I do
Greatest man alive
My Dad

GuardianOne
08-14-2005, 03:11 AM
I think this was a poor verse (especially when it is on creativity). You put it in a very generalized fashion. And descriptively it wasn't quite nice. Anyone can put a verse like that but if you Dad had to read this verse- you might getthe odd compliment, but really it not good as a poem, try and be more creative. I don't think in real life that's how your dad would like to be known as? And to cap it of you actually go on to say "Greatest Man Alive",please help us!!!!
Don't give us your excuse of Poetry and Rap its all the same just how you put it accross.

Let me think of something .........................okay (this ones for you)
"I was riding to work yesterday, i usually do for 10 to 12 km's going and the same when returning home, this other road i use had a pothole, not created by a poor tarred road, but because there was an underground pipe, which had burst and clean water was sipping to the surface, where it flooded the small delapidated area, as i approached a little bird out of flight went into the stagnent pool and started bathing, yes nature was at work plus it is summer here, so i dodged that area since i was still in motion from riding my mountain bike, as i passed ahead there was this guy and his girl, must have been in their late 20's, and the female was swinging her body, whilst i was tempted to see her face, and know how she looks like, i did not just then i recalled that we are still in this universe,as i reached the service station near work, just to get a mango fruit joice".

Queen Of Poetry
08-14-2005, 07:26 AM
I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.

martyr
08-14-2005, 11:07 AM
i like it... there's a flow to it... the message is straight on point... i think it is kinda short but you didnt miss anything in the message, so there's no problem... keep writing...

NAKHI the SOLORIAN
08-14-2005, 11:13 AM
Peace Queen...

nice read...



never mind the negative comments if this is how you felt then run with it....

blackwisdom
08-14-2005, 09:11 PM
It's nice to read your words, Queen. Your spirit is pretty and I like that. Go shine that beautiful smile at that pretty girl for me.

peace

Oct_Blast
08-14-2005, 09:44 PM
to explore the mentals....beyond ass and tits....to come with smarts and wits...
its ashame it dont make hits......to come with words of heart felt ...
truly is just that......

Dae Ja Nae
08-14-2005, 11:38 PM
I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.
What a beautiful way to take a constructive criticism ... and you are so right. Not everyone is going to receive your message simply because everything is not for everybody ... some are far better at expressing their thoughts than others, but as long as someONE does, you have succeeded. As long as you're putting forth a real effort, what more can we ask for? With that being said, just keep putting out what's inside of you.

Peace Queen

SurreaL
08-14-2005, 11:40 PM
I don't care what anyone say's, I liked it, just cause it's in the Temple, doesn't mean everything has to rhyme, it had a deep message, and was beautiful, peace.

Dae Ja Nae
08-14-2005, 11:45 PM
Careful now ... we don't want to praise her too much ... we've all seen what can happen if you do ...

ROFLMAO Sooooooooooo Hard ...

Peace Queen

SurreaL
08-14-2005, 11:51 PM
True, lol, ummmmm, errrrr.............
































































Fuck it, I still loved it !

GuardianOne
08-15-2005, 01:36 AM
I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.
Thanx i did not want to seem as an expert, but it might be i have not seen much of your style. But i suppose you have your point there. And its not that i always recommend such poems in such a way but. I hope i did offend you or the other guys?
But i had to put that accross, lets try and be serious especially when it comes to family!!!!

Peace
PS: Like to see more of your lyrics, but to tell you the truth specifically for this verse-i did not appreciate it because it was for you dad!! If it was for some other person not family i would have accepted it.

Queen Of Poetry
08-15-2005, 07:41 AM
Careful now ... we don't want to praise her too much ... we've all seen what can happen if you do ...

ROFLMAO Sooooooooooo Hard ...

Peace Queen

OK......I'm lost. What happens when u praise me too much? What did I miss?

Queen Of Poetry
08-15-2005, 07:44 AM
I appreciate everyone acknowledging this thread and seeing that sometimes simple can be ok. Not everything has to be 500 lines with 10 words per line. Also, like I said before, it's my expression and only I know what is going on in my mind (y'all know that can be a scary spot).....LOL......anywho.......thx for all the comments and criticisms.......all is welcome.


Respect

Dae Ja Nae
08-15-2005, 08:29 AM
OK......I'm lost. What happens when u praise me too much? What did I miss?
I was just kidding around ... being a little sarcastic in light of previous days events ... it wasn't any disrespect towards you at all Queen.

Peace Ma

Queen Of Poetry
08-15-2005, 08:39 AM
Oh ok......I thought I offended someone and I didn't realize it.......thx for clarifying that.

GuardianOne
08-15-2005, 08:41 AM
I hope i did offend you or the other guys?

That's suppose to be " I hope i did not offend you or the other guys!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sorry (anyway that'll teach me to always check spelling and gramma)

Prince Rai
08-15-2005, 08:44 AM
peace queen..

i do a lot of poetry.... this is a random one is finished a week ago...
btw.. i remember >>staytru<< writing a lot of poems 2

Like a flower rooting itself towards the sun, I let my heart grow towards you my dear.

You make life worth living, indeed you season it with more fun.

You give my life a reason, let me carry on succeeding.

Such power you possess, which you use to positively caress my heart and mind. You keep me from becoming blind, you open my eyes, for me to see that love exists.



Like love should have a fire, I engender my desire towards you my dear. Time seeds certain obstacles, over which I will safely leap. As a prize it will be the love for you that I can keep.

Dearest of all I do have to say however, loving you is not easy, itís a journey, an adventure, but as I said, you make it fun, you make it worth living.

Queen Of Poetry
08-15-2005, 08:47 AM
peace queen..

i do a lot of poetry.... this is a random one is finished a week ago...
btw.. i remember >>staytru<< writing a lot of poems 2

Like a flower rooting itself towards the sun, I let my heart grow towards you my dear.

You make life worth living, indeed you season it with more fun.

You give my life a reason, let me carry on succeeding.

Such power you possess, which you use to positively caress my heart and mind. You keep me from becoming blind, you open my eyes, for me to see that love exists.



Like love should have a fire, I engender my desire towards you my dear. Time seeds certain obstacles, over which I will safely leap. As a prize it will be the love for you that I can keep.

Dearest of all I do have to say however, loving you is not easy, itís a journey, an adventure, but as I said, you make it fun, you make it worth living.





Nice.......soft, simple and to the point.........


Respect

Prince Rai
08-15-2005, 08:53 AM
peace

i got 1 more.. the others i gotta type up but this here is an old 1 called bright star
Bright Star



At night I fixate my eyes on you, during day my mind travels far to be near you.

Your warmth and beauty attracts my soul, the secret of your realm is to be sought and is my goal. A bright star miles away, its beauty without is endlessly fuelled by the fire within. My desire is clear, I want to leave my planet and seek Nirvana which is in your possession. Let me be your planet, Iíll never tire, encircling you endlessly. We can create our own galaxy, engender balance and live life in ecstasy. Together we can make our own Earth and wish that one day, another innocent soul gets carried away by the beauty of a star, to create a further galaxy.

Now I know the secret of you dear, you are perfection and have chosen me to be part of you. To be part of the grand plan of extending the realm of love, which is the building block of all that is in our existence.

Queen Of Poetry
08-15-2005, 09:27 AM
Damn.....nice flow.......


Whoever "she" is.......she is lucky.