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6what131
08-14-2005, 01:59 PM
why put off till tommarow what you can accomplish today/ as you slave your life away im hunting for pray/ im a very fine line in time watching you fade/ im throwing up walls while you walkin lifes maze/ sometimes the hand writing on the wall is forged/ attaining peace inside as the world wars/ they knocking humanity on to a skewed course/ your trusts in frauds, leading us to haulocast/ showing no remorse, of imperialistic thoughts/ reasoning was never in reach/ controlment of oil dosent equal peace/ planting evil seeds and watering them down wit bombs we plant in the streets/ instead of feeding hungry we would rather drop bombs and/ instead of searching for cures we search for bin laden/ america is filled with a million sadams and/ when you here these words you know they were god sent.
________
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Robert
08-14-2005, 02:08 PM
It was Ok, but was that a freestyle or a sample of yo rhymes? Some good rhymes
"attaining peace inside as the world wars/ they knocking humanity on to a skewed course/ your trusts in frauds, leading us to haulocast/ showing no remorse, of imperialistic thoughts"
thats sick right there.....
more of that and it would be a good verse...good for a first post
peace

6what131
08-14-2005, 06:40 PM
throw rocks in the water, watch my brain waves skip/ mental disorder, im on some really sick shit/ make fashion statements, walk around wit slit wrists/ i like being poor, i aint trying to get rich/ therefore im tying to live, im not trying to die/ im just scavenging the plate for crumbs of the pie/ eyeball the sky, head phones beats and rappin/ figured out, life is birth and death overlaping/ you cant stall the hands of time/ fail to realize what my mind applies to rhymes/ bring damage to this planet, human in disguise/ creeping through night, life brutality sight/ arms scared wit teeth marks cause reality bites/ hate life, hammer of god my skulls soften/ rare species, i dont come around often/ burrie me alive i scratch lyrics in my coffin/


it'll take ten barry bonds' doped up to bench press me/ manifest destiny, question me rip off your flesh to bleed/ im dead broke poor, and i aint got no sense in me/ forty dollar jordan, blue jeans and beater tees/ in deep conversation wit my faceless aquantence/ grabbing pencils, stabbing myself to test my patients/ reading books backwards with numerous torn out pages/ write rhymes in accordance wit solar cycles, tides and spaceships/ whats next, no common sense the worlds a mess/ there is no wrong only right cause theres nothing left/ except my breathe to get the message sent and spread to head/ to all the walking dead, god willing ill try my best/ the four season, of my evil thesis brings out genius/ peace seizes, while i create my masterpeices/ but its hard for me to focus, my rehabilitations hopless/ wondering society hoping i dont get noticed.



my boy made a hot beat and this will be my first time spittin a verse on wax. so which is better???????????????
________
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Dae Ja Nae
08-15-2005, 12:00 AM
Very nice for a 1st drop ... I'll be looking for more.

Peace

Dae Ja Nae
08-15-2005, 12:10 AM
throw rocks in the water, watch my brain waves skip/ mental disorder, im on some really sick shit/ make fashion statements, walk around wit slit wrists/ i like being poor, i aint trying to get rich/ therefore im tying to live, im not trying to die/ im just scavenging the plate for crumbs of the pie/ eyeball the sky, head phones beats and rappin/ figured out, life is birth and death overlaping/ you cant stall the hands of time/ fail to realize what my mind applies to rhymes/ bring damage to this planet, human in disguise/ creeping through night, life brutality sight/ arms scared wit teeth marks cause reality bites/ hate life, hammer of god my skulls soften/ rare species, i dont come around often/ burrie me alive i scratch lyrics in my coffin/




it'll take ten barry bonds' doped up to bench press me/ manifest destiny, question me rip off your flesh to bleed/ im dead broke poor, and i aint got no sense in me/ forty dollar jordan, blue jeans and beater tees/ in deep conversation wit my faceless aquantence/ grabbing pencils, stabbing myself to test my patients/ reading books backwards with numerous torn out pages/ write rhymes in accordance wit solar cycles, tides and spaceships/ whats next, no common sense the worlds a mess/ there is no wrong only right cause theres nothing left/ except my breathe to get the message sent and spread to head/ to all the walking dead, god willing ill try my best/ the four season, of my evil thesis brings out genius/ peace seizes, while i create my masterpeices/ but its hard for me to focus, my rehabilitations hopless/ wondering society hoping (that) i dont get noticed.



my boy made a hot beat and this will be my first time spittin a verse on wax. so which is better???????????????
I like the content of them both equally ... they each have a their own message, but I must say the 2nd verse goes a little harder that the 1st ... IMO, that is.

Keep at it, and ...


Peace

GuardianOne
08-15-2005, 09:00 AM
It had it points though, and it seems you are picking on a nice flow, though you style seems a bit similar to someone, but not exactly it kind of reminds me of someone i know.

Keep posting
Peace

GuardianOne
08-15-2005, 09:16 AM
You shouldn't really expect us to tell you which is best, let along you following that. You know your style, and you want people to hear that- what you give and the response varies. Currently most here in the temple don't really know your style unless you provide us with more matterial or information.But you must progress on both your style in verse and on recording.

Peace
PS: They were nice verses although it seemed as though you were busting.

6what131
08-15-2005, 08:31 PM
dont know about this verse. the flow is iffy but i like the lyrics.gimme fead back, positive, negative or both.




im liven hidden in this world with a secret alter-ego/ locked in dark rooms, but light is shining through the peep hole/ my two strikes is up, and im starting back at zero/ wit no regrests, i except the life ive messed/ outcast, the holiest of preachers wouldnt bless/ cause my eyes butterfly effect still frames of death/ frightening images, situation you dont except / but all life must end, thats something we must respect/ these visions are more violent then the bloodiest of battles/ writings like murder scenes but double the shock value/ in the the last phases, mapless navagating lifes mazes/ walking footprints over the same landscapes/ corruption spotted, computer chips passed on hand shakes/ country filled with masons, atheist cause religon breeds hatred/ my toxic logic is so beautifuly harmonic/ radical islamics walk wit bombs in they pockets/ most see nonsense, a man beliving in his prophets/ thats the basis of his hatred and why peace will never make it/ living life in two oversized left shoes/ just enough to tip toe to losen the nuse
________
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BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-15-2005, 09:38 PM
in the the last phases, mapless navagating lifes mazes/ walking footprints over the same landscapes/ corruption spotted, computer chips passed on hand shakes/ country filled with masons, atheist cause religon breeds hatred/ my toxic logic is so beautifuly harmonic/ radical islamics walk wit bombs in they pockets/ most see nonsense, a man beliving in his prophets/ thats the basis of his hatred and why peace will never make it

This is tight I like the flow and content

6what131
08-15-2005, 10:11 PM
good lookin on the feed back bb.

peace
________
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6what131
08-15-2005, 10:14 PM
good on the feed back

peace
________
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GuardianOne
08-16-2005, 01:51 AM
Quite knowledgable, there was a lot thoughts in this verse, and also the way you related to somethings was proper. Keep posting. But watch for your gramma and speeling, cause the wrong word and it shifts you point when readers read it or hear the verse.It was a good verse.

Peace

delinquent master
08-16-2005, 06:48 PM
this is more like a personal view poem, let me know how to fix it, aint no attempts to make it a track or nutn, just like the ideas u know, i love america, but they fuck the world over. feel free to use some shit, these wordz needs to be heard


i was born in a free country, nowadays things aint what they used to be,

but i learned to nevermind the history, pass life carefree, but carefully,

grey that tuesday mornin, we all recall what we was doing,

little did we now from this day on our freedom was ruined ,

they let Bush and his adminisration, rule over their nation,

under the influence of the United Snakes the world was placed in,

and what were facin now is kids being born with chips

their IDentity surgically placed under the skin on their wrists,

how much more ridiculous can our future really get,

this commercialized world we livin in is really shit!!!!
:cop:

DigitalScience
08-16-2005, 08:37 PM
I loved the whole thing even the flow was crazy it had a deep meaning which is what i liked about it.

6what131
08-18-2005, 04:50 PM
verse 1-
i write these songs knowing ill never please my critics/the ones who look at image and what color my skin is/def to lyrics, cause i rap without a gimmick/ my one and only mission, expose glitches of the system/ impose my wisdom, for all who choose to listen/ hip hop is suffering, from self inflicted wounds/ a great art forms collidal clash wit doom/ set to rest beside the anchient pyramids in ruin/ albums wit many flaws rated 5 mics in the source/ classic albums wit one or two good songs/ while real classics gather dust in draws/ give em a copy of the rap bible liquid swords/ no longer is it a survival of the fittest/ now a days its money power and bitches/ white kids wearin doo-rags under they fitteds/walking down the block given props "what up ------"/ so vow to war,fight off all invadors/ grab some amunition, pencils and some papers/ so we can save hip hop from its death bed respirator/ exterminate the contaband/
verse 2-
________
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Father N Dangerous
08-19-2005, 05:12 PM
keep workin on it man, expand the vocab. stay up

6what131
08-19-2005, 07:48 PM
i type this when i was faded and i am just realizing that it was wack

GuardianOne
08-21-2005, 04:14 AM
i type this when i was faded and i am just realizing that it was wack
Well you mentioned it, but i thought you were expressing what you have noticed although i a different method (as this type of message has been repeated many times).

Peace

6what131
08-26-2005, 11:21 PM
nonsense words substituded with the truth/ spotted blood on the left sleeve of a poloticians suit/ puzzels formed wit a wide variety of scatters clues/ confused, as five men sit in four corners of circled rooms/ watch there head spin/ grab the mic wit a death grip/ fuck a face snuff you in the cheek give you a head lift/ fell like the west did grab the smockin gun by the barrel/ kid-nap az-tac walk to eygpt jack a pharroe/ saddened by silence/ rap machine wit graphic violence/ i thought i was talking to god but then i saw his eyes lit/ underground alcoholic but its hard for me to hide it/ battery can sparked my lips electric finger tips/ battle chains, swords, horses death comes to all/ the sun falls, and the earths crust begins to melt/ simple tasks brushing teeth and seeing backwards helps/ i waana hang around but got no laces or a belt/

noel411
08-27-2005, 03:00 AM
Seemed kinda rushed. If you cleaned it up a bit you might make a pretty nice verse of it. There were some good lines, but the flow seemed to fall off at times, but not dramatically. Parts of it could have been worded better. All in all a pretty decent verse, but could be better if you altered some parts of it. Keep at it.

6what131
08-27-2005, 02:33 PM
gimme feed back.



the relationship of life and death continues to evolve/ minds revolve,around a puzzle that cant be solved/ life in its self,is an emergent quality/ this physical state, in which we are embodied/ perpetual development, exceeding rewards of monetary/under- value souls, that as humans we possess/ live like im rich, cause i live with out regrets/ but still the end of self is what i am obsessed/ a condition that alternates with life, coordinates the fright/ distortes your normal sight, your picture of the universe/ the natural cycle, the natural process of rebirth/ an act of operation that balances the earth/ ressurect a virgin birth, the 7th death the soul returns/ a very delicate process that can not be forged/ poison fruits, leaves, weeds, roses stemed with thorns/ defense system that warns the feeding of the devils pawns/ consumed by animals, losing human form/ healthy vegetation apples carrots lettuce corn/ fruits consumed by women, then the souls' reborn.

peace

noel411
08-28-2005, 03:21 AM
Pretty nice piece. I had trouble picking up a flow because of the way you typed it up, but it was a pretty good read.

GuardianOne
08-28-2005, 08:51 AM
Hey!!!!!!!!
Is this how you always wrote before, well you have improved a lot especially on your lyrical content. Which is good, here i noticed a lot of knowledge which was in this verse. And you placed it well, mostly when a verse has good content you seem to forget about the flow as you read through it.

Peace
PS: Maintain the good work.

6what131
08-28-2005, 06:16 PM
peace gurdian and noel

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-28-2005, 09:49 PM
i like the metaphors you used...nice delivery too

PEaCE

6what131
08-29-2005, 12:18 AM
just thoughts im wrting for a beat i got. tell me what ya think




verse 1:
im doper then heroin, flowin through a syringe/ i recruited my army from your local orfinage/ jump off a bridge, aimed for water and i missed/ face first to concrete but im currsed to live/ life is but a secound, in the eternity of time/ ive asked for gods help, but not heard a reply/ no man can feel the hurt i feel inside/ pain resides in my mind, the good and bad collide/ two pollar forces, pull in opposite directions/ thats why my rhymes seem to have a controdictive message/ positive and negative, held hostage and im wrestlin/ so i can brake free, to catch my secound wind/ i questions god exsistance, but i hope that he forgives/ and see the good inspite, how many times ive sinned/ never give up, i woulnt let the devil flourish/ cause deep down in me theres really a good persons


verse2:
infinitly engraved within the earths surface/ my rhymes engage, countinuosly serve purpose/ my hand is a breeding ground, evolving five surpants/ transformation, unseen behind the curtains/ my minds split between, in the river walking moses/ ideas revolt, like the jewish did the romans/ been through it all, but this summers been the coldest/ on the chess board, expendable part a soilder/


imma finish the secound verse tommarow cause im damb tired

peace

GuardianOne
08-29-2005, 02:05 AM
Its a nice verse, the start was on a different lyrical context, but the later on in the first verse it improved on the content, It seemed to be a kind of verse that was searching! I don't know?]

Peace
PS: Keep posting

noel411
08-29-2005, 04:34 PM
That was good man. Both verses are nice. Flow seemed to be on point, lyrically content was good. Keep at it.

6what131
10-03-2005, 10:07 PM
infinitly engraved within the earths surface/ my rhymes engage, countinuosly serve purpose/ my hand is a breeding ground, evolving five surpants/ transformation, unseen behind the curtains/ my minds split between, in the red sea walking moses/ ideas revolt, like the jewish did the romans/the coldest ice, penetration rhyme rockets/ the frozen river of knowledge that flows through the metropolis/ the mind raped tri-state cant pick up on the obvious/ ominous comprised components, compacted compounds/ boxed gem stones, scavenged from hollowed swamp grounds/ plotted precise routes, trails covered up by dust/ geneticlly constructed, the truth may lie beneath us/ who knows maybe i was cloned from the blood of jesus/ regurgetated facts, rappers develop fatal sickness/ for picking through my poisoned fruits of thought and intuitions/

tha god concept
10-03-2005, 10:09 PM
yo that shit was tight homie

6what131
10-04-2005, 06:02 PM
peace

TUCO
10-05-2005, 09:27 AM
yo that shit was tight homie

no homo

Locust
10-05-2005, 09:34 AM
lmao tuco

Dae Ja Nae
10-06-2005, 05:35 PM
Cot Dayum homie ... shit was fire!!!

6what131
10-27-2005, 01:38 PM
hope u enjoy http://s52.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=25ABEDHP6P6KQ36JKB6LWF24D2

6what131
10-27-2005, 08:46 PM
erase all prior ahievements, a liar commiting treasons/ but we as a people so brainwashed that we believe it/ turned backs on agreements, men over-seas get/ oil, for a man whos to coward to retrieve it/ the controllment of a substance, the public dosent want it/ not fit for duty his decisions cause disruptions/ integrity dont exist, like weapons mass destruction/ its like high school brawls,over starring, fight for nothing/ over priced liquid, 2000 plus times priceless/ uncle sam counts money while his pawns la lifless/ dispite this, most of us remain in silence/ every move is quiet, perfected deadley science/ the absortion of his fortune, life is of no importance/ mass human graves, souls burried wit out a coffin/ a man who often, says he cares about the people/ but reflip his script and take a real look at his evil

6what131
11-03-2005, 09:41 PM
a hundred yard stares downfield sippin zinfandal