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Prototype
03-27-2008, 11:21 AM
So, Going to freestyle so you catch a sample of my style. I'm just starting out, so if you got any advice or criticism then just say it. And I don't care if you bitch as long as its got some kind of knowledgeable advice in it.

Yo, I arise from the ashes, the swords will start clashing,
And you hear the sounds of bones smashing.
The bitches be flashing, take a blunt put the hash in,
Everytime I step on the street the cars begin crashing.
Fuck it,plant c4 on the church pews on the service of Sunday,
Turn God's house into ashes and laugh as I getaway in my Hyundai.
Yeah it's a shitty one, but it gets the job done, cause I aint late on my deals.
Have enough time to go back to the crib, take the 40, and swallow the pills.
For real, All I rap about is dumb shit that I just make up in my cranium.
Like, I move it heavy cause I'm injecting my body with uranium.
Don't be choken chicken, ya bitch? Yeah I stuck my dick in.
Don't need to worry cause it's better then ya shit pen.
Bust up in the club, cut nice and ready to get fucked,
By beautiful bitches, better be clean cause I enjoy my nuts.


Yeah. It's simple. I know. But whatever I'll drop some actual deep shit later. Like I said, any advice on vocab, wordplay, etc. then holler at me.

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
03-27-2008, 12:33 PM
i like it has a very sharp cadence from the lyrics you dropped the style is slight remincient of Masta Killa and i can see this over a wu beat or something hard and dark. the imagery carries the lines my only beef is the connection of line 2 line try using multis

Prototype
03-27-2008, 12:39 PM
Alright thanks. Yeah I'll look into the multis more.

KERZO
03-28-2008, 04:57 AM
lol @ sheepish, he couldnt rhyme ABC to 123 for fuck sakes, his verses send ya to SLEEP or make ya wanna slay every weak MC out there. well cheers for the confounding advice sheepish..how about i elaborate on your verse fam...

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Yo, I arise from the ashes, the swords will start clashing,
And you hear the sounds of bones smashing.
(good intro line, the words roll good off the tongue)

The bitches be flashing, take a blunt put the hash in,
Everytime I step on the street the cars begin crashing.
(Good punch there, I like simple wordplay with good vocab,its shown on that line)

Fuck it,plant c4 on the church pews on the service of Sunday,
Turn God's house into ashes and laugh as I getaway in my Hyundai.
(Nice funny line there fam, ilke it when people mix up different styles and wordplay)

Yeah it's a shitty one, but it gets the job done, cause I aint late on my deals.
Have enough time to go back to the crib, take the 40, and swallow the pills.
(Good flow and imagery on this part, plus ya state what most peeps do..drink and take shit)

For real, All I rap about is dumb shit that I just make up in my cranium.
Like, I move it heavy cause I'm injecting my body with uranium.
(I Like to see rappers not taking themselves seriously,while flipping the wordplay like ya did :thumbup:)

Don't be choken chicken, ya bitch? Yeah I stuck my dick in.
Don't need to worry cause it's better then ya shit pen.
(Ya dont wanna use the same starting words on lines but ya can get away with it sometimes if it fits the rhyme.)

Bust up in the club, cut nice and ready to get fucked,
By beautiful bitches, better be clean cause I enjoy my nuts.
(Ok ending..try and use better closing bars so ya leave a good punch at the end.)

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All in all a good solid verse Prototype. you could maybe go over it and change some words and phrases but it ya got the ill vocab going on. You should start writing some more shit up on here and giving us some more verses to chrome off.

Ok so on with some ideas for ya....

If ya like wu and ya spit intellectual as well as 'street' verses, read into supreme mathematics/alphabet and incorperate that into your verse. Also use events, people, and other sources of input on your spits. alot of MC's like me use double meanings in lines so i can mean more than one thing with a single line than someone who says roughly the same idea over the space of 4 lines. knowledgeable people like me will pick up on that kinda intellect.

Also, always try and improve on your word collection. so dont try and use the same words all the time, make up list of related words to the ones you tend you use and try and say things in different ways.

If ya want inspiration on the boards for rhymes then read cats like JTS and bigot hitman cos they got the 183 going on over there.

...word

J.T.S.
03-29-2008, 11:14 AM
Tight shit!