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MX1
04-05-2008, 12:32 AM
im guna record it over the 2nd verse of the tearz beat..its a story drop..feed appreciated

my boy T.J., got me to this one party
it was so hyped, he might had, ta' hit somebody
chillin', endo got his chest, ta' laughter
relaxed room, smoke detectors, aired house
balooned breast, see, T.J. trippin' hard now
yelled at a swisher, who called him a sober
aspired, to had been like his dad, aged stoner
thirsty, so T., inhaled tha melting off shaker
see him gummin', cheers, ta' tha wallpaper
getting sandy skin, above a crying shore
eyes stinged, wanting ta' take a sniff or more
but his wiz wouldn't let him so now, he snuck out
sprinkled dust on the porch, a blink in clout, he sniffed it down
sat back laughing, was mass hallucinating
saw blunts down the path stabbing, above the smoke, racing
sought a fat one he liked, and ran after
speeding on his side, an excursion, and ended his last chapter
man, i miss this guy, intact, a single blood drip, sliding by his eye
he was then forgotten from, after a year
so after tha laughter, i guess comes the tearz

MX1
04-17-2008, 10:38 PM
uppin for comments..

D-Infinite
04-18-2008, 07:44 AM
I think verses for songs like these can't be judged too much on the lyrics, rather the delivery, but i could imagine that if you did that with a great delivery, it could be pretty hot.

MX1
04-18-2008, 02:25 PM
i see what you mean..thanks for the feed tho, i just gotta alter some things to make the flow smoother

uppin

SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
04-18-2008, 03:28 PM
Yeah I Think For A Story Verse Is Aight But U Nailed It But I Think The Delivery Is A Better Way To Judge This Verse

MX1
04-18-2008, 06:16 PM
true true..ima post it up wen i record it

jus need some feed and shit to re-word it or wutever..its over wus beat so if ya'll got any ideas to make it flow better, let me kno

thanks for the feed
uppin

Bigot Hitman
04-18-2008, 11:45 PM
I think verses for songs like these can't be judged too much on the lyrics, rather the delivery, but i could imagine that if you did that with a great delivery, it could be pretty hot.

Nah, you can write this style with high lyrical potency, he just didn't.

D-Infinite
04-19-2008, 12:15 AM
Doesn't always sound as heart felt when its lyrical though.

"I held her skin particles against my medulla oblogota, her hair fallicles were the soulstice of stigmata"

Doesn't have the same feel.

Bigot Hitman
04-19-2008, 07:43 AM
Doesn't always sound as heart felt when its lyrical though.

"I held her skin particles against my medulla oblogota, her hair fallicles were the soulstice of stigmata"

Doesn't have the same feel.

You act like that line you just posted was lyrically high, you just used a bunch of big words, that's not what i mean at all.

D-Infinite
04-19-2008, 07:47 AM
Yeh i know, i'm just using an exaggerated example.

The point i'm trying to get across is that often in storytelling tracks like Tearz, which i assume the vibe he was going for is akin to, you don't need complex lyrics. You just need a strong delivery & lyrics that clearly get across what your saying. You CAN make it lyrically more advanced, but it doesn't necessarily mean it will make it any better.

Common - I Used To Love H.E.R. was an unbelievable extended metaphor, but he used very little complex words. What it did was make you hang on his every word with his poetic flow.

Bigot Hitman
04-19-2008, 11:42 PM
I used to love her is the paragon of complex lyricism in a story verse, i don't what the fuck ur talkin about complex words for, that common song proves my point. He uses great lyricism throughout the story verses, which is what i was saying the poster could have done and didn't do.

D-Infinite
04-20-2008, 05:19 AM
You missed the point man.

My point is you don't HAVE to. No need to be lyrically complex all the time.

MX1
04-21-2008, 07:43 PM
my point is just to get a story thru..not some fucking touch the stars and come back shit, its just a story drop, i didnt act to get deep in this, thanks for the posts tho

Bigot Hitman
04-22-2008, 02:06 PM
You missed the point man.

My point is you don't HAVE to. No need to be lyrically complex all the time.

I never said you had to be all the time, all he had to do was throw alittle imagery in their, maybe describe a person or scene. Put more substance into the story. Its a empty eggshell right now, could have been much more full of anything.

BornPower
04-22-2008, 02:12 PM
hitman has a great point. that distinction is what makes songs ( like Notorious' Story to Tell, Nas' Small World, and Jay's You Must Love Me) stand out (along with the ones you all mentioned). Rae and Ghost do a great job of this as well (check Ghost's verse on Little Ghetto Boys).

MX1
04-23-2008, 06:03 PM
thanks for the input, i'll describe sumthing, this was just a rough draft, i ain't looking for anything postitive, like i said i need 2 tweak it

Guarded By Martyrs
04-25-2008, 01:24 AM
(check Ghost's verse on Little Ghetto Boys).

?

Raekwon's Verse ???

Nice story MX1

I got a few darts posted in here...
I would appreciate your opinion...

MX1
04-25-2008, 02:01 PM
thanks for the feed..i'll peep your stuff