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White N Dangerous
08-15-2005, 10:19 PM
i need to drop more pieces so here one go...


Yo...

My subliminal thought ~rip ya dreams~ crush your dome and ~strip ya seams~/
servin other ~MC's~ like im the dope deala, and your the ~Phines~/
fist fight only, fuck the ~mack ten~ i'll say ~wats happenin~ then straight kung fu ~action~/
servin any ~crew~ eatin ya up like a family ~barbeque~, my dick solid and long like chinese ~bamboo~/
when you talk to me ~pace your breath~ or else i'll get raw so they can't ~trace your death~/
If your at my house and go wild AKA ~Flippin~ i'll get the chef's knife in the ~kitchen~ or my gun and throw a ~clip in~/
500 ~elements~ to my ~intellegence~ leavin MC's stupid like speech ~impediments~/


uppin for feed

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-15-2005, 10:31 PM
haha... speech impediments

its cool but more of a battle rhyme PEaCE

White N Dangerous
08-15-2005, 10:36 PM
thanks man i appreciate the feed! and i edited it :D

J.T.S.
08-15-2005, 10:54 PM
Dangerous that was pretty ill, keep it up.

martyr
08-16-2005, 09:04 AM
....that was aight.... you got potential... first off, if you're going to use '~ ... ~' to designate a multi, the word(s) contained with in have to actually by multis... "....MC/....fiends/" not a multi... 'c' and 'fiends' rhyme but there's no rhyme for M... same with "...mac ten/...what's happening/" even if only 'happening' was in the '~...~' it wouldn't be an exact multi... check your syllables next time... the verse had a good flow after that though... "...pace your breat/ trace your death/" line was hot, and after that it was pretty solid.... you should keep going with that and rework the begining parts...

White N Dangerous
08-16-2005, 06:42 PM
tight big props to u three for acutally givin ur insight on this shit. stay up