View Full Version : women are sneaky cunts

The Hound
04-08-2008, 09:52 AM
I met my partner, Greg, when I started work as a secretary at a large shopping centre. He was one of the shopping centre handymen, responsible for fixing anything that went wrong and helping out when the different shops had new fit-outs done. He was great at his job and a happy, genuine guy. As soon as we met it was instant attraction and it didn't take long for us to realise it was love. He moved in with me three months later.

Our relationship was fantastic and I loved my job. The only problem was that Greg wasn't happy at work. He dreamt of opening his own handyman business and working for himself, but he didn't believe in himself enough to actually do it. With his friendly personality and the way he could fix anything, I knew his business would be successful.

I tried to convince Greg to give notice and start his business at every opportunity but Greg wasn't convinced. Although he really wanted to work for himself, he just didn't have the confidence in himself.

It didn't help that the other shopping centre handyman, Terry, was lazy and always made sure Greg was blamed for anything that went wrong. Greg regularly came home and told me he'd been told off for some sloppy work that Terry had done. Greg was getting more and more upset with his job, but he still didn't believe he could make his own business work. It got me so upset seeing my wonderful partner so unhappy and losing confidence by the day.

Then, Greg came home and told me the Operations Manager position was vacant and both he and Terry were applying. When I found out at work that Terry had got the promotion, I snapped. Terry was rude to work with, mean and such a terrible tradesman. I just couldn't believe he had been promoted ahead of Greg.

Still, Greg wouldn't quit. So I finally took things into my own hands. I knew the only way Greg was going to leave his job was if he was sacked, so I decided I'd make sure it happened.

Greg and Terry had been helping with a shop fit-out and had gone home for the day. I was doing some overtime in the office late one night. I snuck out of the office when the centre manager was on the phone and went to where the guys had been doing their work. I grabbed some of their expensive tools and equipment and dragged them to the outside of the shopping centre so it looked like the tools hadn't been put away.

I had half of them out, when the centre manager came up behind me unexpectedly. He was furious and I thought in that instant that the only person being fired would be me! I was so lucky. The centre manager immediately assumed I'd been trying to drag the tools back inside the shopping centre and that I was trying to cover up the fact that Greg or Terry hadn't locked their work tools away so they couldn't be stolen. The manager was furious and gave me a real telling-off for trying to protect the men.

The next morning, the manager called Greg and Terry into his office to ask them to explain their carelessness. Terry immediately put all the blame on Greg and said he knew nothing about the tools being left outside. It was finally too much for Greg. He was so furious that, once again, he was going to take the blame for something he didn't do. So he quit on the spot and walked out.

As soon as I got home from work that day, I found Greg at home on the phone organising business cards and a leaflet drop in our community to advertise his new handyman business.

It's now been six months and Greg's business has taken off and he's doing really well. The customers have been really pleased with the quality of his work and love having him around for a bit of a chat too! Greg is the happiest I've ever known him and he's so successful now that I've quit my job at the shopping centre as well and I now work for Greg.

Although I'd never tell him the truth, I know getting Greg sacked was the best thing I have ever done for him. He's happy, confident and it's done no harm to his bank account either!


HAHAHAHAHA women ... do as you're told !!

04-08-2008, 09:58 AM

thought this was a joke thread and you actually wrote this until the bolded bits and the lack of punchline.


but anyway, what a fucking bitch.

The Hound
04-08-2008, 10:00 AM
theres another about a woman slipped drugs into her twin sisters wine because they both wanted to bang the same guy LOL women ... fuckin ... haha

04-08-2008, 10:04 AM
as I was reading, I was constantly wondering "why the hell isn't he mentioning NO HOMO" lol

peace god, allah akhbar

04-08-2008, 10:05 AM

i never new womans day was his controversial.

best get my read on

The Hound
04-08-2008, 10:06 AM
as I was reading, I was constantly wondering "why the hell isn't he mentioning NO HOMO" lol

peace god, allah akhbar

i could always edit it for cooley status ... peace god .. Father U C King police

The Hound
04-08-2008, 10:12 AM

My flatmate Simone was a vegetarian and loved to lecture me about how I was murdering animals every time I came home from work and cooked a steak or lamb chop for my dinner.

I had nothing against vegetarians — I had been one myself for many years after a food poisoning incident involving suspect beef — but what really irritated me was that, five minutes after she'd finished berating me for my "senseless cruelty", she'd be tucking in to a meal of chicken or fish. According to her, birds and fish weren't real animals. I couldn't believe her hypocrisy!

One day I decided to hold a dinner party and invite all my closest friends. I invited Simone, too, and assured her that there would be at least one chicken dish for her to eat.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly as I prepared for the dinner; Simone even helped with the vegetables as I basted a lamb, my pièce de résistance, carefully preparing the marinade and mixing the stuffing until it was just right. By the time my guests arrived, I was confident it would be a lovely evening of delicious food and cheerful conversation. I had no idea how wrong I could be!

As soon as I had cut and served the lamb, Simone cleared her throat and stood up. My stomach back flipped as she proceeded to give each of my friends the same lecture she always gave to me, calling them slaughterers, and murderers, and animal haters. Several of my friends, who in fact loved animals very much, got very upset at this and left, while all the rest of us could do was pick at our food unhappily after Simone had finished her tirade. The party was ruined.

I couldn't believe that Simone could be such a hypocrite. As she finished her chicken with satisfaction, I knew it was time to teach her a lesson!

A week or so later I was in the supermarket and I noticed that pork mince was on special. The thought struck me that it looked not unlike chicken mince. The plan for my revenge was hatched: I was going to prepare a meal of pork for Simone, and pass it off as chicken!

It wasn't unusual for us to cook for each other, so when I offered to cook for my flatmate that night she was delighted and must have assumed I had forgiven her for the dinner party fiasco.

I very carefully mixed pork mince with some chicken mince so the consistency wouldn't be so different, and then added a variety of herbs and seasonings and a coating of bread crumbs to disguise the taste.

As she ate the rissoles, I waited anxiously for Simone to discover my trickery, but she simply declared them to be the best rissoles she had ever eaten, and begged me to make them again. I was more than happy to oblige!

I didn't take offence the next time Simone hassled me about eating meat. I simply offered to cook her my famous rissoles, revelling in the secret knowledge that Simone really was a proper carnivore, and she didn't even know it!

04-08-2008, 10:28 AM
snakes with tits.

Blackula Spectacula
04-08-2008, 12:09 PM
"I met my partner, Greg," .... Thats when i stopped reading.

04-08-2008, 01:47 PM
i always read them agony aunt columns in the tabloids. shits hilarious, women are sneaky fuks, the shit they wouldnt do.