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Wu-Tang Forum Internet Poster
07-11-2008, 05:11 PM
So my girlfriend picked us up Chinese food when she got off of work, and it tasted pretty good.

All I got was some chicken lo mein, but about half way through, I felt a weird, tingly burning sensation in my asshole, so I grabbed her laptop so I could play solitaire and headed to the bathroom.

However, as soon as I sat down a hot, bubbly rush of shit water exploded out of my anus with the force of old faithful. I even felt a little splash back.

Either way, as I type this, I've been in her bathroom for 20 minutes, and I feel like the worst of the shitstorm is over, but I'm afraid to get up. I thought I was finished twice now, but both times I experienced mild aftershocks.

I've looked at espn.com, smoked a couple of pinches, and logged on to wu-corp, all while on the toilet. I'm scared to move, and I know that wiping is going to be extremely painful, but at the same time necessary.

Im genuinely scared right now, and although I don't usually show my sensative, vulnerable side to wu-corp, I felt like you guys deserved to know.

Any thoughts, comments, opinions, suggestions?

JASPER
07-11-2008, 05:50 PM
I once experienced a wild form of dysentery. I got it from taking too much powdered creatine mixed with a protein shake and I wasn't as lucky as you to have a laptop with wireless internet. Not that it would do me any good either since the shit tornado in my rectum rendered me practically paralyzed.

Well over an hour I spent in the bathroom and when I thought the curse was over, I had two 15 minute sessions on the john again. Chills in my spine, poop on my hands and stains in my pants were the results of trying to beef up and get ready for some exercise.

Later that day, I still had wet farts and couldn't go nowhere. I think I shit out more than Skampoe eats in a week.

SKAMPOE
07-11-2008, 06:03 PM
I once experienced a wild form of dysentery. I got it from taking too much powdered creatine mixed with a protein shake and I wasn't as lucky as you to have a laptop with wireless internet. Not that it would do me any good either since the shit tornado in my rectum rendered me practically paralyzed.

Well over an hour I spent in the bathroom and when I thought the curse was over, I had two 15 minute sessions on the john again. Chills in my spine, poop on my hands and stains in my pants were the results of trying to beef up and get ready for some exercise.

Later that day, I still had wet farts and couldn't go nowhere. I think I shit out more than Skampoe eats in a week.
pato

Wu-Tang Forum Internet Poster
07-11-2008, 06:08 PM
I once experienced a wild form of dysentery. I got it from taking too much powdered creatine mixed with a protein shake and I wasn't as lucky as you to have a laptop with wireless internet. Not that it would do me any good either since the shit tornado in my rectum rendered me practically paralyzed.

Well over an hour I spent in the bathroom and when I thought the curse was over, I had two 15 minute sessions on the john again. Chills in my spine, poop on my hands and stains in my pants were the results of trying to beef up and get ready for some exercise.

Later that day, I still had wet farts and couldn't go nowhere. I think I shit out more than Skampoe eats in a week.

Well, although your personal anus-related tragedy seems to have been more severe than that of my own, I can certainly empathize to some degree after this life-altering experience.

I went through some trying times, some blood, sweat, and tears, but ultimately I prevailed. Wiping was the worst part.

I've managed to move myself to the couch and am feeling slightly better. I'm sitting down, but I have my weight shifted to one cheek and am scared to move. Im sure ill be ok in a couple of hours.

Taking a shit is like fucking a fat girl, in that sometimes its awesome and it feels great, but other times it just feels really awkward and you burn afterwards.

JASPER
07-11-2008, 06:32 PM
The trick is not to wipe, but straight hit the shower and rub yourself down with some baby oil.

I wouldn't know about the fat girl part, but maybe Skampoe can comment on that. That hamfisted fat fuck probably had his fair share of porkers.

Wu-Tang Forum Internet Poster
07-12-2008, 10:41 AM
In case you guys were worried about my butthole status, it feels much better this morning. Im still a little hesitant to take another shit, but I am eating the rest of my lo mein now.

Thanks for being there for me during my time of need, wu-corp.

KERZO
07-12-2008, 11:11 AM
yeah we all had the shitskis at some point, good tip after a shitburner is to get a bit of loo roll and run some cold water on it. then ya dab it on your poor ringhole and that should help the ass ripping sensation often experienced after a dodgy takeaway,lol

Olive Oil Goombah
07-12-2008, 03:07 PM
wut are you a fuckin amateur to shittin???

INF
07-12-2008, 03:13 PM
showering after that is a must. u nsty for takin yo stinkin ass out of the bathroom without washing.

"I even felt a little splashback"


...you nasty

Olive Oil Goombah
07-12-2008, 03:15 PM
we need bedays <sp> in the states.