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View Full Version : I Got A Story To Tell (Official shit)


Robert
07-13-2008, 05:49 AM
The idea of this thread is for anyone who is interested to drop by and tell a story about their life. It can be as long or short as you want and about pretty much anything. I have my reservations about putting this is General Chat as it will no doubt be filled with useless one line posts but I guess we shall see.


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Self Ether
Here's a little corny story to kick things off. As with quite a few of my stories it involved a green sticky substance and a girl with a wild stoned imagination.

I was at home chilling, illing and killing (code for doing fuck all) when said girl rocked up with a bag of what turned out to be pretty potent, intoxicating weed. I wasn't that keen for a "chop" (as we say down under) at the time but I relented and soon both of us were feeling the effects of the drug pretty strongly. We retired to the bedroom where I had intended to start "doing my thing" but instead things turned out a bit differently.

We were talking and laughing pretty loudly and the conversation drifted towards the topic of fetishes. Given that we were both stoned the topics of this conversation were broad-ranging and farcical. At one point, this girl suggested she had a fetish for beards. I was in hysterics of course. My laugh probably resembled that of an insane Hyena blended with a suffocating frog. My partner is crime took this to heart and looked like she was about to cry. This sent me into further hysterics and I actually thought for a minute that I might have a heart attack.

Finally I managed to get over my laughing fit, apologised, and we started intermittently fooling around. At some point during the festivities my left hand (you best believe I remembered that) ended up close to her nose. At this point, she grabbed my hand, sniffed the callused skin and uttered "AAARRRGH, what the fuck is that smell on your hand!?!?" as if it had been bathed in the bog of eternal stench (reference to the classic David Bowie movie "The Labyrinth"). Realising what I had been doing with that hand prior to her smelling it I replied "That's your pussy".

I am almost certain that the term "self ether" originated from an incident exactly the same as this many years ago between two members of the original man. Needless to say, Jeru Tha Damaja's "Ya Playin' Yaself" was bumped on the regular whenever this girl was around for some time after (not that she would have picked up on that).


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I hope you enjoyed my mini story. I will be posting up longer stories, some pretty serious, some beyond a joke. Please my fellow wu-corpers, add on.

KERZO
07-13-2008, 06:47 AM
one time i fell off my skateboard and hit my head real hard on the metal coping...now i got a deformed head so may that be a lesson to all you even headed cats.....thankyou please

DrunkenMasta303
07-13-2008, 07:03 AM
^^haha, this reminds me on a similar story that happened when i was 16 or something, i fell off my skateboard too (i actually skated for 2 days in my life), and i fell with my leg right under a car that was standing there (yeah i fell pretty strange), but then in the same moment a woman got from the other side into the car, started it, pushed gas, and drove OVER my leg hahahaa, i spended 1 week in the hospital but everything is alright now (never skated again tho)

TSA
07-13-2008, 09:46 AM
Nebraska War Stories Volume 1


So as a part of my job, i have to go pick up this kid in a place called Malcolm, population 800, according to my boss. It's about 20 miles away from where i live, so the drive was unreel
http://www.seaburst.com/cornfield01.jpg

Anyways, i reach malcolm, lookin for Davey Road, and wallah, can't find it.
ALSO, my phone looses signal cause it's far from civilization.

I go to this bar ful of muddy hicks, they let me use the phone while staring the black man's dog down.


http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/large/hick-23787.jpg


Im told it's NOT in malcolm, it's in david City, which is a good 30 miles away from Malcolm

FUCK! i said to myself.

I so begin my quest to David City. My phone dies, therefore loosing all the phone #s i had.



I reach a mud road, with no clue of where i was going. I get stuck in the mud.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3282/2504687706_d1f481cce1.jpg?v=0
for 45 minutes.

During these 45 minutes, i hop out duh whip, try pushing it, try digging up my wheel from what seemed like 2 feet of mud that am now completely covered in. I look around and all is see is corn.

corn fields and bushes for 100 miles around me, not a SINGLE drop of civilization
http://stepoffthecarousel.com/images/Landscape%20-%20Green%20Corn%20Field.jpg
I get out of my car, and leave a not saying

IF YOU FIND THIS CAR UN ATTENED, I HEADED IN {---------- DIRECTION PLEASE CALL 911 OR (insert house number)

Im walking and walking and walking and all of a sudden i se a fuckin deer just hop out infront of me.
http://images.google.com/url?q=http://www.mynaturephotos.com/images/whitetailed-deer-2.JPG&usg=AFQjCNFdc5GSdll1uvdxwLLnlAVG72pGFQ

Then a bunch of baby deer

then i notice im semi circle by fuckin deer. I think, if i have to live here for a week i can eat one of these niggas and cook them off my car engine. So i was lucky there was a deer population, and scared them off for now.

then all of a sudden i heard ...Awwwwwwwooooooooooooooooo






faintly in the background as it begun to rain.....wolves. And not the secondary, the real deelz



http://www.blackfive.net/main/images/2007/09/28/angry_wolf.jpg



so i speed walk my ass back to the car lol. Then im waiting for the rest of my 45 minutes and all of a sudden this brolic american muscle car son of a bitch rolls up.


http://lordhelpus.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/120-willys-jeep.jpg
"you need some help" he said, his face red from his lack of melanin
"yeah, It's stuck pretty bad" I said, not trying to get lynched.

He hitches me up, disgusted at the fact my car isn't american made and pulls me out of da mud and towards a bridge that probably hadn't be used since 1972.

HE gives me directions to the nearest gas station that i can use to make a call, abouter 9 miles from where i was at.

So i begin driving there.

I reach there and the gas station make me laugh cause the gas pumps were dails instead of digital #s, and has marker telling ppl what to do.

'lawlz' i said to myself filling up what had to be the most expensive gas on earth.

I entered the gas station to pay. and i kid you not this nigga had 1 fucking nostril!

1!

the dude has a single nostril! NO joke NO lie.

So im all, how do you get to David City from here? and he tells me. Then i ask if i can use his phone and buy some food incase i never make it home.

My work office is closed, so then i call the foster mom im heading to and she says the visits cancelled cause its taking too long

WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!?!?!?


FCUKKK!!!!

FUCKING FAGGOT!

So i ask him how to get back to lincoln......30some miles away.

So im taking the niggas directions and driving till i reach Valpreso, and my Nebraska Nowaledge told me i was heading in the opposite direction
http://lh4.ggpht.com/_NepwRsgP-gw/R9TPm_RkgDI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/p9m5BnxqDo8/IMG_0396.jpg
so mud and rain covered i head into a Valpreso gas station....i WAS headed in the wrong direction...the complete opposite of where lincoln was.


that one nostrilled some of a bitch.


anyways i start driving towards lincoln, knocking on random farmers doors every 7 miles or so to make sure im on the right track, risking the occassional
http://www.radiomex610atlanta.com/images/otrorollo/images/RedNeck.jpg
"GEETH OEF MUH PROAWPERTEE NEGGER!" rifle shot from the window.

they ended up being quit helpful, though scare for there lives.

well, to amke things short i finally reaching lincoln, hours later, and notice i smelt like hot manuer.



the lesson i learn was the further ways from civilization they are, the uglier white ppl get

Robert
07-13-2008, 09:52 AM
Learn your lessons kid. I liked that story very much.

Longbongcilvaringz
07-13-2008, 09:54 AM
hahaha

TSA
07-13-2008, 09:55 AM
happened like 4 days ago.

i was actually gonna go get a camera from my wucorp video, but i got called up on emergency and had to go do all that shit instead

The Grandmaster
07-13-2008, 10:52 AM
Nebraska War Stories Volume 1


So as a part of my job, i have to go pick up this kid in a place called Malcolm, population 800, according to my boss. It's about 20 miles away from where i live, so the drive was unreel
http://www.seaburst.com/cornfield01.jpg

Anyways, i reach malcolm, lookin for Davey Road, and wallah, can't find it.
ALSO, my phone looses signal cause it's far from civilization.

I go to this bar ful of muddy hicks, they let me use the phone while staring the black man's dog down.


http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/large/hick-23787.jpg


Im told it's NOT in malcolm, it's in david City, which is a good 30 miles away from Malcolm

FUCK! i said to myself.

I so begin my quest to David City. My phone dies, therefore loosing all the phone #s i had.



I reach a mud road, with no clue of where i was going. I get stuck in the mud.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3282/2504687706_d1f481cce1.jpg?v=0
for 45 minutes.

During these 45 minutes, i hop out duh whip, try pushing it, try digging up my wheel from what seemed like 2 feet of mud that am now completely covered in. I look around and all is see is corn.

corn fields and bushes for 100 miles around me, not a SINGLE drop of civilization
http://stepoffthecarousel.com/images/Landscape%20-%20Green%20Corn%20Field.jpg
I get out of my car, and leave a not saying

IF YOU FIND THIS CAR UN ATTENED, I HEADED IN {---------- DIRECTION PLEASE CALL 911 OR (insert house number)

Im walking and walking and walking and all of a sudden i se a fuckin deer just hop out infront of me.
http://images.google.com/url?q=http://www.mynaturephotos.com/images/whitetailed-deer-2.JPG&usg=AFQjCNFdc5GSdll1uvdxwLLnlAVG72pGFQ

Then a bunch of baby deer

then i notice im semi circle by fuckin deer. I think, if i have to live here for a week i can eat one of these niggas and cook them off my car engine. So i was lucky there was a deer population, and scared them off for now.

then all of a sudden i heard ...Awwwwwwwooooooooooooooooo






faintly in the background as it begun to rain.....wolves. And not the secondary, the real deelz



http://www.blackfive.net/main/images/2007/09/28/angry_wolf.jpg



so i speed walk my ass back to the car lol. Then im waiting for the rest of my 45 minutes and all of a sudden this brolic american muscle car son of a bitch rolls up.


http://lordhelpus.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/120-willys-jeep.jpg
"you need some help" he said, his face red from his lack of melanin
"yeah, It's stuck pretty bad" I said, not trying to get lynched.

He hitches me up, disgusted at the fact my car isn't american made and pulls me out of da mud and towards a bridge that probably hadn't be used since 1972.

HE gives me directions to the nearest gas station that i can use to make a call, abouter 9 miles from where i was at.

So i begin driving there.

I reach there and the gas station make me laugh cause the gas pumps were dails instead of digital #s, and has marker telling ppl what to do.

'lawlz' i said to myself filling up what had to be the most expensive gas on earth.

I entered the gas station to pay. and i kid you not this nigga had 1 fucking nostril!

1!

the dude has a single nostril! NO joke NO lie.

So im all, how do you get to David City from here? and he tells me. Then i ask if i can use his phone and buy some food incase i never make it home.

My work office is closed, so then i call the foster mom im heading to and she says the visits cancelled cause its taking too long

WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!?!?!?


FCUKKK!!!!

FUCKING FAGGOT!

So i ask him how to get back to lincoln......30some miles away.

So im taking the niggas directions and driving till i reach Valpreso, and my Nebraska Nowaledge told me i was heading in the opposite direction
http://lh4.ggpht.com/_NepwRsgP-gw/R9TPm_RkgDI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/p9m5BnxqDo8/IMG_0396.jpg
so mud and rain covered i head into a Valpreso gas station....i WAS headed in the wrong direction...the complete opposite of where lincoln was.


that one nostrilled some of a bitch.


anyways i start driving towards lincoln, knocking on random farmers doors every 7 miles or so to make sure im on the right track, risking the occassional
http://www.radiomex610atlanta.com/images/otrorollo/images/RedNeck.jpg
"GEETH OEF MUH PROAWPERTEE NEGGER!" rifle shot from the window.

they ended up being quit helpful, though scare for there lives.

well, to amke things short i finally reaching lincoln, hours later, and notice i smelt like hot manuer.



the lesson i learn was the further ways from civilization they are, the uglier white ppl get

damn, this story was good enough to have its own thread

DrunkenMasta303
07-13-2008, 11:07 AM
i wanna hear a grandmasta story (but no homo please)

Marlo Stanfield
07-13-2008, 02:53 PM
yeah man, if i knew how to give you rep points i would

TheWolf
07-13-2008, 03:59 PM
Wolf Raped By Moose


So, it's April 2007 and I'm travelling in NZ. I'm staying at a hostel somewhere at the top of the North island (my memory for names and places is shit).

I was travelling by myslef, but over dinner got talking to 5 fellow travellers, 3 female and 2 male. We decide to go out together that evening.....the group pretty much breaks down like this:
A boyfriend and girlfriend travelling together (can't remember names).
Me.
Paul.
Average looking 30yr old female.
The Moose...6ft, built like a brick shit house, massive tits but masive in every other way too.

So were going round the local pubs getting hammered and smoking weed on the local beach. After plenty of alcohol and weed we head back to the room which 'the couple' were staying in to smoke some more and listen to some music.
By this time Paul has pulled average looking 30yr old.

After lounging for a while we all head back to our rooms (paul taking 30yr old with him). So I say goodbye to all and head back to my 12 person room and everyone goes their seperate ways.......

I get into bed and fall asleep. I wake up what seemed like about half hour later (but could have been anything) to see the moose heading towards me, being pitch black I can only see her silloheute(sp).
She aproaches the bunk bed (I'm on the bottom) and starts to take her clothes of, I'm lying there in a state of shock and completely fucked off the beer and weed but with a hard-on, which I had woken with moments earlier.

She gets naked, pulls down my boxers and proceeds to ride. I'm literally not moving. After about 15mins off lying on my back trying to think pleasent thoughts I realise this is WRONG and that I've got more chance of cumming looking at Skamp than this girl, I pluck up the courage and say...."sorry, I gotta go to the bathroom".

I sat in the bathroom thinking about what happened for about 10mins and then walked back into the room thinking what i'm gonna tell her........luckily she was asleep and I jumped in an empty bed. I fell asleep.

I wake up the next moring completely naked in a bed with no sheets and 9 other people walking round the room. The Moose was still asleep so I walk to the local shop for a can of coke and dread returning....

On my return the moose was gone. I never saw her again.

(I had sexual relations with the average looking 30yr old the next night).