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G...
08-23-2005, 01:07 PM
This is a poem written by a mate of mine, he wrote it about two years ago for a school poem, chiggity check:

Badger

Badger, badger in the night,
Asleep in the daytime light,
What do you think when asleep?
Hiding in the woods so deep.

Using leaves to build a dome,
Where you can sleep all alone,
Underneath your fluffy paws,
Lay your sharp and deadly claws.

In the dark and gloomy woods,
The big great trees act as hoods,
A badgers life - good and bad,
Some of it happy, some sad.

Remember this was written two years ago at the age of 13, regardless... all feedback is appreciated. ONE

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-23-2005, 04:34 PM
why dont you put this in the poetry thread???

G...
08-23-2005, 04:44 PM
'Cause I wanted some more complex critique and feedback on it... what you think ben? Holla back. ONE

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
08-23-2005, 05:00 PM
It has a lonely feel to it its simple yet very deep

G...
08-23-2005, 05:20 PM
Thanx for the feedback man, it's deeply appreciated. Lets get some more. ONE

GuardianOne
08-24-2005, 06:18 AM
Its quite an indepth verse. And has its own imagery. Seems to provide a searching mentality,distand from most things, curious-actually notorious! But its very omnipresent. kind of dynamic.

Peace

G...
08-24-2005, 11:37 AM
Yeh yeh, thanx a lot man. It's appreciated. Keep coming with the feedback. ONE

mashqauck
08-25-2005, 02:26 PM
i think its sick G.

TUCO
08-26-2005, 11:28 AM
Way TOO Simple. I like the idea of people expanding poetry, but the message was like, too obvious. Maybe 4 more lines would've even it out. Although, it is a good, creative way to make a comparison. Original, but just too simple. Tell him to make more depth to it, and have more metaphors and double meanings beneath the lines. Peace.
no homo

J.T.S.
08-26-2005, 02:21 PM
I think it can have a million meanings to it, depending on how you decipher it.