View Full Version : Jasjit's Random Verse Thread *need feedback*

07-21-2008, 02:57 AM
ive just been looking around this forum, i've been here a few times on this forum, but i haven;t posted yet i always thought about posting. Anyway im just goin to write a quick verse, give me feedback, on wack or good.

Killin G's comes easy to me
I be the sick mc, tryna earn a few g's
I swallow cyanide pills to open my mind
You have a hard time swallowin tylenol wit wine
Sublime rhymes enter your brain, exit the spine
Even the blind recognize my shine
I'll kick syllables so swift
Several deceased soldiers caught a whiff
of the brilliance, before they slipped
into a dark cave inhabitted predominantly by the wicked
Catch the full on twirl of the hip-hop swirl
Precious as pearls
but pissed on like pre-pubescent girls
Your homies eat off you like paper plates, view it as nifty
In time you'll find yourself as disposable as 50
Wack mc's try to shift me,
Cause me to remove a nigga head like missy
its fitting, that u bite the hand that feeds you
MC's thinkin they can Battle me make me laugh
you couldn't win with assistance from rakim, wu-tang and a verse from g rap

the rhyme scheme is pretty basic, this is literally my first verse ever, ill try to improve on it just gimme your thoughts. I'll just post verses from time to time, rate them if u want to

07-23-2008, 01:31 AM
See me at the juncture
Under the symbolic colossol structure
Come through representing the supreme artistic culture
Shame on the weak MC's, I leave em punctured
So riddled with holes the coroner concluded acupuncture
Competitive like a vulture, veins i leave em ruptured
A janitor came up to me, surveyin the scene
Viewed what lay near my jeans, asked me
"Is this your junk sir?"
I replied with a slanted eye
"Fake guys deserve to lie in pits of chicken thighs"
"Is that some kind of funky punk slur?"
"Take it for what you interpret,
For your mind will let thy inner soul birth it"
I stepped off, left em clueless
As i reached the ground i realized that information i left him with was as useless
As ear wax, jammed gats, fake maps, and cheap hats
I brushed it off, but when i reached the mat
I realized that I was shoeless
A smile glued itself upon my face, as i appeared like a dufus

Lol a meaningless rap, i was just thinking random thoughts, i guess thats wut happens when you're injured, but a limerick like ending, i thought this was retarded but funny.