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Jabba Jaw
08-24-2005, 10:49 AM
since day one, ive always stayed ahead of the game
never play son, my style defined by my pen n my name
i stay on the grind, as unfinished dreams play on my mind
im waitin to shine, but fame n fortune takin they time
my ordeal, it's all real, theres nothin fake in my rhymes
let my rhymes shine, yall aint on par wit my lyrics
clever like einstein, hip hop left a scar on my spirit
flavour like fine wine, im stayin far from the gimmiks
its a dirty game, everyone screamin keep ya records real
but if you aint a gangsta, its hard to keep ya record deal
they only lookin for one thing, that cookin up drugs thing
sup wit that? fuck the crack im readin books in the dungeon
they aint lookin for the raw deal, they juss ignore skills
dollar signs in they eyes, always huntin for more mills
dont get me wrong, aint a bad thing tryin to make money
but makin those bills wit a rapper wit no skills aint funny
its kinda fake to me,
you juss cant get signed, if you write lyrics that wouldnt sell in the clubs
but sum1 who cant write rhymes gets a deal cause he was sellin some drugs


juss a quick free

Jabba Jaw
08-24-2005, 02:51 PM
thanx for the feedback n advice homie

coo beans

ima work on that vocab

noel411
08-25-2005, 07:05 PM
Simple rhyme, but pretty decent. Subject matter is kinda lacking. If it's just something you typed up quickly though, it's pretty nice.

Jabba Jaw
08-26-2005, 11:10 AM
thanx homie

TUCO
08-26-2005, 11:24 AM
its good, but the subject matter, and rhyme schemes are too basic. Try to use bigger vocab, and have a good topic to write on. Like, a concept or something. peace out, 1
no homo there buddy 8)

peace

TONE TORCH
08-26-2005, 06:35 PM
Verse Was Hot I Feel The Subject Thats How The Game Here In Detroit Is Ireally Understand What U Saying Homey Keep It Up