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View Full Version : Helping the Helpless: Advice from the Sloth


Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 09:47 AM
Hello there dear friends. I am Slothy Fitzpatrick.

In short, I am a "Sloth in the know". I have a great deal of knowledge in a number of fields.

My acheivements include:

Ghostwriting for some of your favourite rappers.

Mastering the venusian arts.

Surviving the jungles of South America.

Earning more money then Scrooge Mc Duck.

I am also an expert marksman.

I can see that there are many people in this forum that really do need help.

I'm here to help.

I have isolated social skills and relationships as the main problems on this forum so I will be providing advice of those topics only.

If the matter is private send me a pm.

(which I will probably just post up in this thread anyway)

Fire away.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 09:49 AM
How often should a person cut their hair?

TSA
11-10-2008, 09:50 AM
Slothy im really bad with time, im late alot and wanna stop, what should i do?

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 09:53 AM
How often should a person cut their hair?

Interesting question. As appearance is loosely tied into social skills I will answer it.

You should cut your hair at least once a month, perhaps more if it is fast growing.

There is some scientific evidence to suggest that if you let your hair grow for an extended time period it can become its own entity and start controlling your mind.

Yakub had lengthy hair strands.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 09:53 AM
I know it's not my position to be giving advice however seeing as thats a trivial question

and slothy is clearly pondering my earth shattering question I suggest you buy a watch

Durag
11-10-2008, 09:55 AM
Slothy im really bad with time, im late alot and wanna stop, what should i do?

I co-sign this question

Slothy, im addicted to Wu-Corp. I work in IT, so i spend some of my day behind a computer (when im not driving or doing manual stuff) and when i am, i never do any work. I cant help it, i try to say to myself "dont log on to the corp, do some work", and im ok for a few minutes, but then i start geting anxious, and i start breathing quicker. I start sweating and hyperventalitin and panickin, until i cant take it any more, so i open up internet explorer, enter www.wutang-corp.com/foum, and its like heaven. And then i stay on there for hours and dont do any work. This may be repeated numerous times during the day.

Help me Slothy

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 09:57 AM
Slothy im really bad with time, im late alot and wanna stop, what should i do?

Your late a lot? I think I know what you're getting at.

Are you taking methamphetamines? Other drugs?

They can play tricks on the menstrual cycle.

Are you on the pill and skipping periods? This can also make you late.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 09:58 AM
Slothy many of my so called 'mates' are constantly belittling my appearance by

comparing myself to many aesthetically offensive B-grade celebrities, this is having a

negative effect on my already low self esteem. What am I to do?

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:02 AM
I co-sign this question

Slothy, im addicted to Wu-Corp. I work in IT, so i spend some of my day behind a computer (when im not driving or doing manual stuff) and when i am, i never do any work. I cant help it, i try to say to myself "dont log on to the corp, do some work", and im ok for a few minutes, but then i start geting anxious, and i start breathing quicker. I start sweating and hyperventalitin and panickin, until i cant take it any more, so i open up internet explorer, enter www.wutang-corp.com/foum (http://www.wutang-corp.com/foum), and its like heaven. And then i stay on there for hours and dont do any work. This may be repeated numerous times during the day.

Help me Slothy

This is a tough one. One way is to gradually replace wutang-corp with another equally enjoyable activity. Masterbation is one. However, this may not be appropriate for work.

Cold Turkey. I find it is effective when you imagine the entity you want to steer clear of to be the thing you are most afraid of.

For me it's a Harpy.

For you, perhaps a potato famine.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:04 AM
Slothy many of my so called 'mates' are constantly belittling my appearance by

comparing myself to many aesthetically offensive B-grade celebrities, this is having a

negative effect on my already low self esteem. What am I to do?

Embrace the comments. Perhaps you do actually look like said celebrities. Take it as a compliment and start doing impressions.

Alternatively, you could learn a martial art and regulate on each "so called mate" individually.

Both solutions are recommended.

Professor Poopsnagle
11-10-2008, 10:06 AM
I hope Bear Grylls eats you alive.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:09 AM
I hope Bear Grylls eats you alive.

Bear Grylls is a phoney.

I'd give him 10 seconds to run and then I'd regulate on him sloth style.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 10:09 AM
Slothy I secretly have a god complex whilst pretending to be humble and I even mask

this with self deprecating humor. However I think a few people are now sensing said 'god

complex' how do I put people off the scent of my ghastly and horrific secret.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:13 AM
Slothy I secretly have a god complex whilst pretending to be humble and I even mask

this with self deprecating humor. However I think a few people are now sensing said 'god

complex' how do I put people off the scent of my ghastly and horrific secret.

Does the stench singe the nostrils?

If so, I'd recommend converting to Judaism. No one is more self-deprecating then a jew.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 10:19 AM
I'm going to be honest so far Slothy your solutions have not impressed. You are clearly

some sort of poor Dr. Phil knock off minus the adorable all American down to Earth

attitude. Whilst I appreciate your solutions albeit not very helpful I suggest you grow a

moustache and man up, perhaps get a career in information systems.

Peace

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:26 AM
I'm going to be honest so far Slothy your solutions have not impressed. You are clearly

some sort of poor Dr. Phil knock off minus the adorable all American down to Earth

attitude. Whilst I appreciate your solutions albeit not very helpful I suggest you grow a

moustache and man up, perhaps get a career in information systems.

Peace

Another 85% snake not prepared to face his demons.

Robert
11-10-2008, 10:32 AM
I'm going to be honest so far Slothy your solutions have not impressed. You are clearly

some sort of poor Dr. Phil knock off minus the adorable all American down to Earth

attitude. Whilst I appreciate your solutions albeit not very helpful I suggest you grow a

moustache and man up, perhaps get a career in information systems.

Peace

This guy looks like a young Bob Dylan.

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 10:35 AM
This guy looks like a young Bob Dylan.

More specifically the Cate Blanchette version

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 10:44 AM
Slothy I humbly recant any previous statements I made about the similarities between

your goodself and Dr. Phil. Even as we speak I practising many an impression. I request

your help once again. I want to hold a MASSIVE party how do I gain my roomates

approval for said party?

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-10-2008, 10:49 AM
I want to hold a MASSIVE party how do I gain my roomates

approval for said party?

Apology accepted.

Sometimes it is a simple matter of making a solid case. Tell your room mate that you will be bringing round thick latina women who can't get enough of him.

Onion bottoms make the world go round.

Bribery could also work although I don't condone it. As a last resort you could simply lie to him or drug him.

begongo
11-10-2008, 11:22 AM
skampoe started using the encyclopedia when writing his posts

Eyetalian
11-10-2008, 12:59 PM
I lack the girth of the aforementioned Skampoe

Wu-Tang Forum Internet Poster
11-10-2008, 02:41 PM
Slothy, it has come to my attention that one of my favorite hip-hop artists, who happens to write his complex and detailed rhymes on scrolls in his dungeon, happens to be blessed with a third eye.

However, by his own admission, when in his dungeon, writing his scrolls, he actually keeps his third eye closed.

In my own admittedly uneducated opinion, it would make more sense to leave one's third eye open when crafting scrolls in the dungeon.

So, my question for you, Slothy, is: Why would this rap artist keep his third eye closed when writing his scrolls in the dungeon? In what way is this advantageous?

Dokuro
11-10-2008, 11:11 PM
Hello there dear friends. I am Slothy Fitzpatrick.

In short, I am a "Sloth in the know". I have a great deal of knowledge in a number of fields.

My acheivements include:

Ghostwriting for some of your favourite rappers.

Mastering the venusian arts.

Surviving the jungles of South America.

Earning more money then Scrooge Mc Duck.

I am also an expert marksman.

I can see that there are many people in this forum that really do need help.

I'm here to help.

I have isolated social skills and relationships as the main problems on this forum so I will be providing advice of those topics only.

If the matter is private send me a pm.

(which I will probably just post up in this thread anyway)

Fire away.

ahhh so this is what gen wise ment by him retiring siriosly dude this is like you 35 one i hade 67 names give or take a few but atlest i never made a new profile its gitting realy hard to keep calling you ally


should i go bake to calling myself the Tanuki iv ben thinking of getting a sig with a racoon laying in zhang ziyi gut



http://www.dvdbeaver.com/film2/DVDReviews31/a%20princess%20raccoon/title%20princess%20raccoon%20.JPG
http://mrkurtzsneighborhood.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/12/28/raccoon_cover_web.jpg

stoner pick of the year watch it on hell bells

minibumpsh
11-10-2008, 11:21 PM
Interesting question. As appearance is loosely tied into social skills I will answer it.

You should cut your hair at least once a month, perhaps more if it is fast growing.

There is some scientific evidence to suggest that if you let your hair grow for an extended time period it can become its own entity and start controlling your mind.

Yakub had lengthy hair strands.

is this true? because i havent cut my hair in a long time, i lke having long hair, and sometimes i dont even recognize who i am anymore. mebe its the hair?

EAGLE EYE
11-10-2008, 11:23 PM
is this true? because i havent cut my hair in a long time, i lke having long hair, and sometimes i dont even recognize who i am anymore. mebe its the hair?

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/9561/kipeyeshk5.jpg

DJMethods
11-10-2008, 11:52 PM
Slothy,

At work we started archiving digitally, then we discovered the originals were the ONLY legal binding documents so we needed to keep them anyway. We stopped for a month. Now, we've started archiving them again for fuck knows what fucking reason. This is 2 months work, 8am to 5pm every fucking day when having them on disc is redundant and theres no point.

How do I explain this to my boss without making him sound like a total tool?

Longbongcilvaringz
11-11-2008, 12:14 AM
Can i field this one?

I'm going to anyway.

Having them on a digital database is advantageous for a couple of reason.

Being able to easily locate particular files, avoiding damage to the physical document, and being able to organise a large number of documents without having to physically organise them.

I'm sure there are many more advantages.

If i was your boss, i would probably fire you, out of spite though.

DJMethods
11-11-2008, 01:35 AM
Can i field this one?

I'm going to anyway.

Having them on a digital database is advantageous for a couple of reason.

Being able to easily locate particular files, avoiding damage to the physical document, and being able to organise a large number of documents without having to physically organise them.

I'm sure there are many more advantages.

If i was your boss, i would probably fire you, out of spite though.

They are being kept right next to the original documents. Well, about 5 meters away, so if one gets damaged the other will. Even if only the original gets damaged, the original is the only document that's a legal binding one, so the scan will be useless anyway.

And I agree it'd be good if they were organized alphabetically by computer, but they're not. They are all alphabetical in the file as we do them one by one when we get them, but we're scanning to a printer, then ripping the one large PDF file (Of 100 or so documents) to the computer, then burning them to disk. It's only alphabetical because the originals were, so we still have to do that.

Always easy to locate as it's club by club and we only monitor 8 or so clubs. Each club just has a set amount of files with documents relating to different things in them.

I feel bad because the original idea was mine and one that everybody complimented me on. But since we need to keep the originals, and the digital documents serve absolutely NO purpose, it's a redundant task that just takes up mass amounts of time. We could be sorting out major issues, but instead we stall on those and do this pissy little bullshit.

I'm angry Pat, i'm angry.

Longbongcilvaringz
11-11-2008, 02:13 AM
haha

I think i misunderstood what you were saying.

I thought you meant each document was being scanned, and then compiled in some sort of electronic database...

I hope you don't lose your job over this idea.

DJMethods
11-11-2008, 02:25 AM
No, they still think it's good. It was good, but then we found out only the originals are legal documents.. and. Fuckheads. Yes i didnt explain too well.

Sloth Patrick - why do 16 year old guys wear fluro tight shirts but act hip-hop? Is it legally acceptable to hit them?

Longbongcilvaringz
11-11-2008, 02:29 AM
Yeah, it is acceptable.

Longbongcilvaringz
11-11-2008, 02:34 AM
Slothy, why is this video so funny to me?

04P46zGGSI4

Is it the fact that the whole thing just seems so laxidasical?

The lazy run in, the lazy jump, even the way he hits the ground is lazy.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:35 AM
Slothy, it has come to my attention that one of my favorite hip-hop artists, who happens to write his complex and detailed rhymes on scrolls in his dungeon, happens to be blessed with a third eye.

However, by his own admission, when in his dungeon, writing his scrolls, he actually keeps his third eye closed.

In my own admittedly uneducated opinion, it would make more sense to leave one's third eye open when crafting scrolls in the dungeon.

So, my question for you, Slothy, is: Why would this rap artist keep his third eye closed when writing his scrolls in the dungeon? In what way is this advantageous?

You must keep your third eye closed, or at worst half closed in order to open your fourth eye.

Fourth eye vision is the future.

supreme M
11-11-2008, 08:39 AM
what is good to eat before working aout? ps. im a human

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:40 AM
Slothy,

At work we started archiving digitally, then we discovered the originals were the ONLY legal binding documents so we needed to keep them anyway. We stopped for a month. Now, we've started archiving them again for fuck knows what fucking reason. This is 2 months work, 8am to 5pm every fucking day when having them on disc is redundant and theres no point.

How do I explain this to my boss without making him sound like a total tool?

I see no problems with keeping backups. Perhaps you should reassess your work ethic. Then again, efficiency is paramount.

I would make your boss some sort of offer he can't refuse. Perhaps my mother's sponge cake. It is simply irresistable.

She's dead though. Harpy attack.

Anyway, if the cake hypothesis is disproved give him a bit of chin music. If the guy doesn't know a good cake when he sees one you don't want to work there anyway.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:47 AM
what is good to eat before working aout? ps. im a human

I see the questions are drifting further and further away from the crucial issues: relationships and social skills.

Anyway dear friend, liquid meals are good immediately prior to a workout (one hour before), This is because you can absorb the nutrients faster then with solid foods.

Avoid dairy and check the market for one that is appropriate for your dietary requirements.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:50 AM
Slothy, why is this video so funny to me?

04P46zGGSI4

Is it the fact that the whole thing just seems so laxidasical?

The lazy run in, the lazy jump, even the way he hits the ground is lazy.


That is funny. I think it is because the human is obese.

Horizontally chellanged humans are generally amusing.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:53 AM
Sloth Patrick - why do 16 year old guys wear fluro tight shirts but act hip-hop? Is it legally acceptable to hit them?

Despite it not being legally acceptable it is your moral obligation to teach these young adolescents a lesson.

I employ a swift kick to the scrotum. Whatever tickles your fancy.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-11-2008, 08:56 AM
http://wutang-corp.com/forum/images/reputation/reputation_neg.gif Hello Friends (http://wutang-corp.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1375587#post1375587) 11-11-2008 02:21 AM Slim T (http://wutang-corp.com/forum/member.php?u=38234) Hi Slothy!
Another chump who discriminates against Folivorans.

A child of divorce?

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-12-2008, 09:15 AM
ahhh so this is what gen wise ment by him retiring siriosly dude this is like you 35 one i hade 67 names give or take a few but atlest i never made a new profile its gitting realy hard to keep calling you ally


should i go bake to calling myself the Tanuki iv ben thinking of getting a sig with a racoon laying in zhang ziyi gut

stoner pick of the year watch it on hell bells

I don't actually understand what you're are saying. Do you?

I have noticed the majority of questions aren't about social skills and relationships.

Some user called "wuzwordz" or something along those lines sends me a pm lamenting his vertically chellanged penis.

It is clear that many of you guys have problems.

I'm here to help. Embrace me wutang-corp!

Robert
11-12-2008, 10:17 AM
There's this girl doing my course that I wouldn't mind smashing. Well, I'm not completely sold but lets just say if I was fairly drunk perhaps I would.

We are pretty good mates and I realise if I hit it I will fuck up a freindship.

So you can see the moral dilemma I'm in?

To smash or not to smash? That is the question.

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-14-2008, 10:12 AM
There's this girl doing my course that I wouldn't mind smashing. Well, I'm not completely sold but lets just say if I was fairly drunk perhaps I would.

We are pretty good mates and I realise if I hit it I will fuck up a freindship.

So you can see the moral dilemma I'm in?

To smash or not to smash? That is the question.

Don't "smash". It appears you don't even really want to.

Unless you find out this girl swallows whole bananas.

Durag
11-14-2008, 10:14 AM
How exactly do you masterbate Slothy?

Slothy Fitzpatrick
11-14-2008, 10:27 AM
How exactly do you masterbate Slothy?

Never that.

The ladies do all the work for me.

DJMethods
11-14-2008, 07:13 PM
Slothy our receptionist is 30, with a kid, just broke up out of a marriage. She kissed me when she was married, and everytime im behind her she shakes her ass and does the "over the shoulder" look.

Now shes broken up, and being fired in 2 weeks, should I smash?

check two
11-14-2008, 11:47 PM
Can you give me a ride to Warsaw?

http://blog.wired.com/cars/images/2008/11/13/hitchhiker.jpg