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noel411
08-23-2005, 04:48 AM
Beads of sweat, dripping from my forehead,
greed has led, to my profits being squandered,
I leave regret, in every town I wander,
I bleed to death, just to clear my conscience,
I ponder the thought, of what brought me to this state,
I might have won an award, for my skill in dodging fate,
relentlessly push forward, like the crest of a wave,
there's too many stories, in my nest full of hate,
too little glory, in the steps that I take,
I can't go on ignoring, the test that awaits,
I detest the arrest of my soul that I've made,
I invest in regret to digress from ritual hate,
deflect voices in my brain, to maintain an individual state,
reject habits ingrained, so I don't regress to traditional ways,
confess to bless my name, but I'm cast away in a spiritual maze,
inject drugs in my veins,
expect to ease the pain, but it's met with minimal gain,
my self denial techniques recieved with critical acclaim,
my lack of self belief acts like a criminals chains,
a disease that leaves me clinically insane,
the struggle within is the epitomy of pain,
move past the last disaster thinking "will it be the same?",
when I progress to the next step of this rigorous game,
the digger of my own grave, pull the trigger, then I aim,
gamble six figures when I've only got a dollar to my name,
search for a gas leak with an open flame,
put me in a grave, lock and chain, flush the key down the drain,
my skin stays clean and free of pain, but I bleed every day.

Killer Falcon
08-23-2005, 05:41 AM
that was a good verse, i thought you ended it quite well. its good to see you experimenting with more rhyme schemes than before, but i think something you could do to improve the the flow would be to shorten the bars or use words with less syllables. nice to see you posting posting again, keep up

peace

Murderous Mack
08-23-2005, 09:27 PM
Yo noel man I thought I told you to stop writing this depressing shit. Yo, if you're down in the dumps just holla at me and we'll go body some ma'fuckaz to cheer you up.

PsYkOsUs
08-23-2005, 09:52 PM
LOL, i was gonna read this considerin' all that shit you talk as your lame-ass-murderin' facade, thinkin' you just want attention so that cats will read your "real" shit... but:

"Beads of sweat, dripping from my forehead,
greed has led, to my profits being squandered,
I leave regret, in every town I wander,
I bleed to death, just to clear my conscience,"

..bein' that your first four bars didn't rhyme on the ends, you lost my attention and i couldn't finish it... your end rhymes were lazy as hell.. if you're gonna drop multies, you gotta do 'em right... honest feedback... i'll give you credit for tryin' though... tighten your rhyme-schemes, and drop that wack persona...


PEACE

PSY

Murderous Mack
08-23-2005, 10:15 PM
Ummm, the persona is a joke. A lot of people seem to miss that. If people don't like it, I really couldn't care less. I don't do it for anybodies entertainment other than my own. And thanks for the feedback, but if you honestly think your opinion phases me in the least, think again. I don't think I'm a great writer either, but you seem to think writing is all about how many big words you can throw into a rhyme, or how precisely they rhyme, shit like that. Fuck that. I prefer to read something by someone who actually has something worth saying, which is a rarity on these forums.

And you say this didn't hold you attention, I can tell you that I'm done with your rhymes after reading about 2 bars. And I'm not just saying that. Yeah, you're a good writer. You can rhyme well, and throw words together well, but your rhymes hold no interest for me.

Until you have a record deal (unless you already do, in which case ignore this comment), you really need to stop talking so much shit and acting like some sort of hero.

Murderous Mack
08-23-2005, 10:16 PM
The fact that you called me out for the end of my first four lines not rhyming directly, goes beyond ridiculous.

Murderous Mack
08-23-2005, 10:19 PM
One more thing, you say you lost attention after the first four lines, and then you make comments about my end lines????????

PsYkOsUs
08-23-2005, 10:48 PM
wow... that really wasn't needed... first off, i didn't talk about the closin' lines of your verse, i said your 'end rhymes' are sloppy in your first four bars:

"forehead" does not rhyme with "squandered" no matter how you say it... and you can't force "wander" to rhyme with "conscience" effectively either... it just doesn't rhyme, plain and simple... unless you have a speech impediment, maybe you do...

there's no need to defend your subject matter, i didn't say anythin' about it... and of course i know your facade is a joke, that's why i treated it like a lame-ass joke that it is... learn to take some honest criticism, it's cool if you don't like my shit, a lot of people don't, just as it's not for everyone, but that doesn't deny my skill... i never said you were garbage, just like i never said this verse didn't have any content, i said your rhymes were lazy, and the first four are... don't get upset with me for pointin' it out...

and all i've seen you do is talk shit, so don't be the pot who calls the kettle black; it's pointless... if you're gonna talk that much shit, i expect greatness, and i was disappointed... so again, tighten your rhyme schemes, and drop the wack persona... don't be so sensitive either...

PEACE

PSY

noel411
08-23-2005, 10:55 PM
Thanks for the feed, Winte. Usually when I write now I do so with the intention of later spitting and recording it, so I focus on the flow. But I don't like spitting depressing shit, so I wasn't really too worried about the flow on this one.

And thanks also for the feed, Spoken. Since your fiending for that technical shit, I'm gonna drop a few dope bars for you, 7th Messiah style.......

Yo, yo, residual individuals be kicking fools with pitiful conditionals,
emphatically I tragically make a travesty of digital tools,
vernacular rhymes offer spectular insights to the divine,
specialise in petrified neck ties for the invalid conditioning,
it's written when I convince men to drink ten blended petitionings,
the bomb drops on bomb squads who concoct rock toxins,
boxing when I'm locked in the misroscopic oxygen box lid.

noel411
08-23-2005, 11:00 PM
Whatever man. I just picked up a cocky sort of "yeah, I'm gonna have the final say on this one because I'm the man", sort of vibe from your post, as I often do with your posts. And your first paragraph clearly shows that you have some sort of problem with me. Starting a post with "LOL" isn't a great way to indicate honest feedback. Either way, never mind, and thanks for the feedback.

PsYkOsUs
08-23-2005, 11:14 PM
Whatever man. I just picked up a cocky sort of "yeah, I'm gonna have the final say on this one because I'm the man", sort of vibe from your post, as I often do with your posts. And your first paragraph clearly shows that you have some sort of problem with me. Starting a post with "LOL" isn't a great way to indicate honest feedback. Either way, never mind, and thanks for the feedback.

make no mistake.. i have no problem with you, i just find it hard to take your work seriously with that wack alter-ego... and that's not a diss, just my honest opinion, i didn't expect it to bother you, LOL... a lot of people misinterpret what i say, trust me i'm used to it by now... i think most of the people here cringe when they see my name in their threads and there's no reason for that... i'm not here to diss cats, but they're quick to react in 'defensive mode' everytime i offer an opinion that's more than the usual mindless praise they recieve from everyone else... i'm not that much of an asshole, i don't think... or maybe my all friends are just too scared to tell me otherwise..? LOL...

PEACE

PSY

noel411
08-23-2005, 11:27 PM
What you said about my verse didn't bother me at all, it's just the way you said it, and how you gave me the impression you deliberately wanted to put me down, after starting your post by dissing me. Never mind though.

Peace

GuardianOne
08-24-2005, 07:37 AM
Here it seems you tried hard to rhyme, or might be you were trying to explain something. But since you mentioned you weren't putting attention on the flow that might be another issue. The content had its own effect sought of personally attributing to some (mistake, downfall-depressing as if). Does seem lonely though. But keep posting.

Peace

martyr
08-24-2005, 08:13 AM
....this was not bad... the flow was pretty much on point through out except for the "I" before "aim"....

"too little glory in the steps that i take"


"inject drugs in my vein/ expect to ease the pain but it's met with minimal gain"

...i liked these two parts the best, and the intro was cool, i liked the interior rhymes but the off end rhymes, you gotta tighten that abit like, rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines, and 2nd and 4th... i felt that besides the first five lines or so the whole piece was summed up in the two lines that i quoted above... either way, keep spitting, it's aight... peace...

noel411
08-24-2005, 04:39 PM
Cool, many thanks for the feed. And I appreciate the negative comments. I have found that they actually have made me want to try and improve my writing. I'm actually my own worst critic. I'm not real big on my writing either. I think every verse I write has its moments, but I need to try to start writing verses that are compiled entirely of those "moments". Thanks again.

BlaK FuRYaN
08-24-2005, 06:20 PM
Beads of sweat, dripping from my forehead,
greed has led, to my profits being squandered,
I leave regret, in every town I wander,
I bleed to death, just to clear my conscience,
I ponder the thought, of what brought me to this state,
I might have won an award, for my skill in dodging fate,
relentlessly push forward, like the crest of a wave,
there's too many stories, in my nest full of hate,
too little glory, in the steps that I take,
I can't go on ignoring, the test that awaits,
I detest the arrest of my soul that I've made,
I invest in regret to digress from ritual hate,
deflect voices in my brain, to maintain an individual state,
reject habits ingrained, so I don't regress to traditional ways,
confess to bless my name, but I'm cast away in a spiritual maze,
inject drugs in my veins,
expect to ease the pain, but it's met with minimal gain,
my self denial techniques recieved with critical acclaim,
my lack of self belief acts like a criminals chains,
a disease that leaves me clinically insane,
the struggle within is the epitomy of pain,
move past the last disaster thinking "will it be the same?",
when I progress to the next step of this rigorous game,
the digger of my own grave, pull the trigger, then I aim,
gamble six figures when I've only got a dollar to my name,
search for a gas leak with an open flame,
put me in a grave, lock and chain, flush the key down the drain,
my skin stays clean and free of pain, but I bleed every day.
I WEREN'T CHECKIN FOR ANY MULTIES OR FLOW BUT I SAW SOME NICE WORDS UPPIN THERE I LIKED AND THE CONTENT WAS AIGHT, DEFINATELY DEPRESSING. I ALSO LIKED THE 7TH MESSIAH STYLE VERSE U DROPPED TOO.....
KEEP EM COMMIN


ELAVATIN'

noel411
08-25-2005, 07:42 AM
Thanks for the feed, Furyan. The 7th Messiah shit was a joke, as you probably know, but yeah, it's always fun writing some shit like that, haha. But why did you highlight the lines you did?

And btw Martyr, well picked up on this........
the flow was pretty much on point through out except for the "I" before "aim".... I actually debated with myself whether I should put that "I" there or not. At first there was no "I", then as I was rapping it back to myself in my head, I felt it worked better with an "I". I guess it just depends on how you plan to spit it.

Jabba Jaw
08-25-2005, 11:13 AM
cant knock this at all

flow was solid pretty much the whole way through

multis were sick
extensive vocab

nice drop overall
keep at it

noel411
08-26-2005, 09:40 AM
Thanks dude.

J.T.S.
08-26-2005, 02:23 PM
Big up Noel for the terrorist flow!

noel411
08-27-2005, 03:17 AM
Thanks James.

Necromancer
08-27-2005, 06:47 AM
very original rhyme scheme and it had a solid intro
peace

noel411
08-28-2005, 02:29 AM
Thanks for the feed.

BlaK FuRYaN
08-28-2005, 06:07 PM
the words i highlighted were the lines i liked most in your verse.....


peace
Thanks for the feed, Furyan. The 7th Messiah shit was a joke, as you probably know, but yeah, it's always fun writing some shit like that, haha. But why did you highlight the lines you did?

And btw Martyr, well picked up on this........
I actually debated with myself whether I should put that "I" there or not. At first there was no "I", then as I was rapping it back to myself in my head, I felt it worked better with an "I". I guess it just depends on how you plan to spit it.

noel411
08-28-2005, 07:09 PM
Ok. Cool.

noel411
08-30-2005, 02:47 AM
For a quarter of a cent, I'd repent for my sins,
for free I don't believe I'd achieve anything,
at most I might recieve a decieving peace within,
the foundations of which, I percieve to be thin,
I'm leaving my skin, as my soul takes a journey,
see Satan's patience waning, as he's waiting to burn me,
I continue elevating, until I see what a bird sees,
but as the clouds fall behind me, my sight becomes blurry,
know I've outstayed my welcome when a force starts to turn me,
I descend feeling helpless, like a dead leaf on a fern tree,
to enhance my learning, I question what happened,
get stuck on the first thing, why did my vision blacken?
was there really a force, that set my course backwards?
who controlled my actions while this time was elapsing?
to find the truth within, is a thing that takes practice,
you don't step on the pitch, and score an instant hat trick,
I need light to assist, but I'm fresh out of matches,
to gather proof, I stretch the truth like elastic,
my pretence is cracking like an egg when it hatches,
I snap back to reality, and I'm back where I started,
no closer to my goal than when my soul departed,
wear a crooked smile, painted by a drunken artist,
I can walk a hundred miles, but the first step is the hardest.

Ronin
08-31-2005, 06:51 PM
nice thoughtful shit son, flowed good

kinda reminded me of some shit i wrote a while back or the steez i was on like thoughtful perspective shit

good stuff my aussie counterpart

ENGLAND FOR THE ASHES HAHAHA

noel411
09-01-2005, 04:50 PM
Thanks my pasty faced devil counterpart.

If England win the ashes I'll get drunk on warm beer and pick up a pale, pasty, fat slob.

Anyone else?

Muslimah
09-03-2005, 05:31 AM
you know i have always respected your work... even though you are a pain in the ass, but hey, anybody good by anna is good by me... haha

noel411
09-04-2005, 01:19 AM
Haha, thanks family. You have made Anna a happy woman today.

BlaK FuRYaN
09-05-2005, 06:08 PM
just peeped this,,,,,ill drop some feed later its late

one

noel411
09-07-2005, 03:15 AM
There's a point at which I switch my personality,
as I converse I might begin to curse dramatically,
my palms might bleed, and proceed to jerk sporadically,
quote the crucifiction scene to turn it to a travesty,
lavishly equipped with scripts of high magnitude,
have a free clip if I don't like your attitude,
doesn't take a magic trick to have your grey matter fooled,
shift a dozen plastic chips with the instincts of an animal,
handle you like a ravenous panda would bamboo,
dismantle you like a cannibal preparing his food,
when I grip the mic piece, the chance of tearing it loose,
is as likely as Wile E and Roadrunner declaring a truce,
if I'm staring at you, my glare could tear you in two,
dare to dispute, and I'll take you to school,
bring tape and glue 'cos I'm breaking the rules,
see my face in a robbery case on the news,
smile for the camera as I'm taking the jewels.



Not my usual style, I just like to pen some shit like this now and then to practice my spitting.

TeknicelStylez
09-07-2005, 04:37 AM
Shit was ill fandango

Had to invent shit just to describe how hot it was :)

KEEP THE DARTS COMIN

BlaK FuRYaN
09-07-2005, 04:25 PM
I know your talented...I've seen afew drops from you and they're all different ryme styles...

Dae Ja Nae
09-07-2005, 04:52 PM
Crazy killah concept right here ... lol ... ;) ... and the use of multies in this one were off the chain. This shit flowed like water from start to finish. Eye agree with BlaK in that you always come with a variety of style. One can never get bored with you. All in all ... Nice Drop Noel.

Peace

noel411
09-08-2005, 06:32 AM
Many thanks for the feedback all.

noel411
09-12-2005, 03:32 AM
If I alter my view, to discern a faltered truth,
what do I learn, and what can I conclude?
if I'm holding the tools, but can't mould them to use,
should I fold my hand, and plan the best way to lose?
I demand that you stand and answer my questions,
I planned your existence, so give me your reverence,
I'm man unrestricted, pay heed to my lessons,
I stress I'm equipped with the best of intentions,
these texts and insciptions are a test of your friendship,
attend our conventions, lose sense of independance,
soon you'll be so confused, you'll naturally blend in,
we'll control your soul 'til you're practically defenseless,
sanity drastically bending from the pressure I've felt,
planned to be cold as ice, but I'm starting to melt,
because we can't think, pay a shrink for their help,
watch our dollars burn while we learn about ourselves,
new Mortal Kombat game coming out on the twelth,
forget about that book, and put it back on the shelf,
it gets lost under dust, while you're growing old,
people wonder why there's rust, growing on my soul,
as I stroll through life, I try to gain control,
but from the moment we're born, our life is already sold.

J.T.S.
09-12-2005, 04:30 AM
Noel that was deep it felt as if you were an old man reflecting back on his life, or even a prophet writing scriptures. you have a unique, poetical type flow.

BlaK FuRYaN
09-12-2005, 01:05 PM
If I alter my view, to discern a faltered truth,
what do I learn, and what can I conclude?
if I'm holding the tools, but can't mould them to use,
should I fold my hand, and plan the best way to lose?
I demand that you stand and answer my questions,
I planned your existence, so give me your reverence,
I'm man unrestricted, pay heed to my lessons,
I stress I'm equipped with the best of intentions,
these texts and insciptions are a test of your friendship,
attend our conventions, lose sense of independance,
soon you'll be so confused, you'll naturally blend in,
we'll control your soul 'til you're practically defenseless,
sanity drastically bending from the pressure I've felt,
planned to be cold as ice, but I'm starting to melt,
because we can't think, pay a shrink for their help,
watch our dollars burn while we learn about ourselves,
new Mortal Kombat game coming out on the twelth,
forget about that book, and put it back on the shelf,
it gets lost under dust, while you're growing old,
people wonder why there's rust, growing on my soul,
as I stroll through life, I try to gain control,
but from the moment we're born, our life is already sold.
the content was well crafted....i think every ones tryna gain control oftheir lives, they spend their whole life tryna gain control....only to find out on they death bed that they have control of anything...other wise they would have evaded death...

Allah is the controller

peace

TeknicelStylez
09-12-2005, 06:35 PM
It's true, your like FUCK THAT TODAY IMA DO THIS AND THAT DIFFERENT, you do the same thing, you keep trying to get back on track shit never happens.

noel411
09-13-2005, 05:09 PM
Thanks for the replies my peoples.

Dae Ja Nae
09-15-2005, 09:20 AM
If I alter my view, to discern a faltered truth,
what do I learn, and what can I conclude?
if I'm holding the tools, but can't mould them to use,
should I fold my hand, and plan the best way to lose?
I demand that you stand and answer my questions,
I planned your existence, so give me your reverence,
I'm man unrestricted, pay heed to my lessons,
I stress I'm equipped with the best of intentions,
these texts and insciptions are a test of your friendship,
attend our conventions, lose sense of independance,
soon you'll be so confused, you'll naturally blend in,
we'll control your soul 'til you're practically defenseless,
sanity drastically bending from the pressure I've felt,
planned to be cold as ice, but I'm starting to melt,
because we can't think, pay a shrink for their help,
watch our dollars burn while we learn about ourselves,
new Mortal Kombat game coming out on the twelth,
forget about that book, and put it back on the shelf,
it gets lost under dust, while you're growing old,
people wonder why there's rust, growing on my soul,
as I stroll through life, I try to gain control,
but from the moment we're born, our life is already sold.
I loved the opening ... very solid piece ... the flow seemed effortless. I (ironically) vibe off anything that relates to social and conscious issues, and this touches on them both. I'm still amazed at how well you're able to run the gamut when it comes to your writing style. That's a sign of true talent.

Peace
???

noel411
09-15-2005, 05:08 PM
Thanks for the feed, Dae. Always appreciated.

noel411
09-19-2005, 05:16 AM
Some might write as a release, some might write for inner peace,
some might write when inspired by a J Dilla beat,
compile a few lines, refine your lyrical technique,
preach the word from up above, show love to the streets,
many sound the same in a game where it's hard to be unique,
some bite lines because their own mind is too weak,
but it's the fake lames whose mistakes make me weep,
schooling can be useful, you can learn a lot in college,
pulling quotes from google, doesn't mean you're "dropping knowledge",
anyone can do it, most just can't be bothered,
truth is, a true writer has their own thoughts to ponder,
if your english is fluent, you don't need a dictionary,
big words are useless, like a ruthless world peace visionary,
unless they come naturally, but you know that's a rarity,
because it shows when you flow outside of your vocabulary,
those who pose are exposed when they're doing this,
characters bent out of shape tryna emulate infuences,
tend to break, when they wake, to the fact they ain't proving shit,
rap's no way to educate, just look how it's confusing kids,
who lack the brains to seperate, what's really truth and myth,
we're losing it, by moving with, trends we can't relate to,
we're bound to script, the same topics, and who removes the staples?
dropping others fake "jewels", I'd rather hear what makes you,
probably hear more captivating rhymes on play school,
what I see is clones trapped in making echoes of their peers,
gotta leave in droves when their raps expose their own fears.

GuardianOne
09-20-2005, 01:10 AM
It was an explicite verse, goes out to every writer, and keeps them in check. There are depressing factors in every inductry not just in written verse. but this verse points out alot what most fear will happen to them. Or what they are. Yah a very appreciated verse, cause it bears its truth.

Thanx for this verse.
you expreswsed it well.

Peace

Jabba Jaw
09-20-2005, 11:38 AM
"schooling can be useful, you can learn a lot in college,
pulling quotes from google, doesn't mean you're "dropping knowledge",

ive read a few of ya drops now n you pretty tight man

like your style n the way you word things homie. blunt n straight to the point

keep at it

noel411
09-20-2005, 05:34 PM
Many thanks for the replies, my peoples. Always appreciated.

ElusiveFugitive
09-20-2005, 09:50 PM
compile a few lines, refine your lyrical technique,
preach the word from up above, show love to the streets,
many sound the same in a game where it's hard to be unique,
some bite lines because their own mind is too weak,

rap's no way to educate, just look how it's confusing kids,
who lack the brains to seperate, what's really truth and myth,
we're losing it, by moving with, trends we can't relate to,
we're bound to script, the same topics, and who removes the staples?
dropping others fake "jewels", I'd rather hear what makes you,
probably hear more captivating rhymes on play school,

Soulful message, and well written... something we should all take to heart.
Your Elevatin' bro. Props

ONE LOVE

noel411
09-21-2005, 04:39 PM
Thankyou my friend.

noel411
09-27-2005, 02:04 AM
Outside of my barriers, are a vast array of opportunities,
my body as the carrier, mind conveys what I do with these,
problems stop and pause, cause delays in the fluency,
a lot of them are caught, but always confusing me,
relentlessly haunt me, and taunt me obtrusively,
create a small opening, from which the pollution leaks,
release emotions like fallopian, but never conclusively,
weak from coping with, forces that forever influence me,
demons I eradicate, return to me intrusively,
breathing for a tragic fate, but learning to reduce the speed,
reaching for that magic day, but yearning for a move to lead,
burning leaf by leaf, the tree of an eternity,
no longer hurts to bleed, but it now hurts to be,
I know my pain is not unique, 'cos we're all cursed by greed,
living in need, see giving in is worse than defeat,
driven by a hope within reach, so I'm alert when I teach,
techniques take indecision, and convert it to peace,
next week a new beginning, until the curtain retreats.

noel411
09-28-2005, 03:15 AM
A wide screen frame holds this forever,
at night dreamscapes told me remember,
a nice clean fate sold to the pretender,
I might relate what I hold as the sender,
the fight scene breaks if you fold and surrender,
the knife fiend makes bodies cold and dismembered,
a likely mistake in controlling his temper,
a light theif pacing patrolling the centre,
a wife's screams raising involving placenta,
the icecream cake sits molded quite tender,
the white streaked face, the oldest contender,
the height reached takes the whole of December,


The brunt I took as weight on my shoulders,
the stuntman looks at the fate he's controlling,
with one hand puts a stake in the boulder,
then runs bare foot as it's chasing him, rolling,
a daring dispute, a race much like bowling,
and wearing no shoes with the pace it's involving,
glaring at clues in the case that he's solving,
repairing a tooth on a face that is swollen,
comparing the food on a plate that's revolving,
declaring a truce between states that's revolting,
preparing the troops in the wake of explosions,
tearing it loose on the tape as it's closing.

morgan
09-28-2005, 05:10 AM
its orite that mate, i'm guna read it again later n break it down n giv u feedback, peace

ElusiveFugitive
09-28-2005, 06:56 PM
Great work Noel, can see you been workin' on your rhyme schemes. The multis are near flawless and the flow is real natural. Props bro

ONE LOVE

ElusiveFugitive
09-28-2005, 07:36 PM
problems stop and pause, cause delays in the fluency,
a lot of them are caught, but always confusing me,
relentlessly haunt me, and taunt me obtrusively,
create a small opening, from which the pollution leaks,
release emotions like fallopian, but never conclusively,
weak from coping with, forces that forever influence me,
demons I eradicate, return to me intrusively,
Noel I feel you on this....We are all plagued with demons that weigh heavy on the soul. A small opening for me is a release through writing. Puttin' the chaos into perspective, if only for a minute. You expressed it well...

Aside from that your rhyme structure & flow is definitely improving Props...

Cats, quit sleepin'

ONE LOVE

noel411
09-29-2005, 04:39 PM
Many thanks for the feedback. I've started writing more stuff like this lately, because I'm starting to try recording a bit again, and I much prefer to spit random rhymes than the deeper stuff. Thanks again.

noel411
09-29-2005, 04:43 PM
Thanks for the recognition dude. I write a lot of stuff like this, but whenever I post it I don't really expect many, or even any, replies, because all anybody seems to check for in here is rhyme schemes and vocab and shit. Which is cool, just saying. Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment on it.

Fr@z
09-29-2005, 05:30 PM
well fuck my o-zone Noel is back

noel411
09-29-2005, 07:43 PM
Haha, what's up you sick little son of a harlot?

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
09-30-2005, 10:19 PM
Peace Noel!!

noel411
10-01-2005, 04:34 AM
Huh? Did you put all my verses into one thread, Ben? Why'd you do that? It's cool with me, I don't mind. Just wondering why you did it.

Does this mean I should post any new pieces in here too?

BlaK FuRYaN
10-01-2005, 06:06 PM
Some might write as a release, some might write for inner peace,
some might write when inspired by a J Dilla beat,
compile a few lines, refine your lyrical technique,
preach the word from up above, show love to the streets,
many sound the same in a game where it's hard to be unique,
some bite lines because their own mind is too weak,
but it's the fake lames whose mistakes make me weep,
schooling can be useful, you can learn a lot in college,
pulling quotes from google, doesn't mean you're "dropping knowledge",
anyone can do it, most just can't be bothered,
truth is, a true writer has their own thoughts to ponder,
if your english is fluent, you don't need a dictionary,
big words are useless, like a ruthless world peace visionary,
unless they come naturally, but you know that's a rarity,
because it shows when you flow outside of your vocabulary,
those who pose are exposed when they're doing this,
characters bent out of shape tryna emulate infuences,
tend to break, when they wake, to the fact they ain't proving shit,
rap's no way to educate, just look how it's confusing kids,
who lack the brains to seperate, what's really truth and myth,
we're losing it, by moving with, trends we can't relate to,
we're bound to script, the same topics, and who removes the staples?
dropping others fake "jewels", I'd rather hear what makes you,
probably hear more captivating rhymes on play school,
what I see is clones trapped in making echoes of their peers,
gotta leave in droves when their raps expose their own fears.

This was nice....and whut we need more of....a verse wid no gimmicks....

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
10-01-2005, 06:07 PM
yeah if they are pieces you wrote only

BlaK FuRYaN
10-01-2005, 06:27 PM
yeah if they are pieces you wrote only
hu?

noel411
10-02-2005, 08:28 AM
Thanks for the reply, Furyan. And btw Ben's last post was a reply to my last post.

noel411
10-02-2005, 07:56 PM
Where he walks his presence is felt,
there they talk of blessings he dealt,
he bears the torch where peasants knelt,
they stare like hawks, by reverence compelled,
through his eyes he sees differently,
he uses disguise, to hide misery,
confused by his pride, his life history,
look through his outside, and find his disease,
visions of blood, and a sinister face,
incisions that flood, and administer pain,
precision in cuts, to diminish delays,
driven by lust and conditional rage,
I know of him as the man with two faces,
it's shown his sins are planned, not graceless,
growing within is his own brand of hatred,
they lower their kin, see his hand and they take it,
in their eyes, truth is he's a sign of good,
stare right through him every time they look,
dare to abuse him, it's a crime in their book,
unaware of confusion, the signs they mistook,
the day he explodes they're shocked into silence,
they say "We'd have known but we flocked with compliance,
no way was it shown that he's got these desires",
too late, they're alone, and they won't stop his violence.

King Callabah
10-03-2005, 01:21 PM
LOL! told you before you a genius noel! :D im liking the shit im reading here, nice shit! :yes: keep on! ima give more detail feed lata

PEACE!

noel411
10-03-2005, 08:50 PM
You wouldn't be the first to have told me that, haha. Thanks for peeping my shit.

Sicka than aidZ
10-03-2005, 08:51 PM
:cheerlie:Noel Dirty Bastard:cheerlie:

noel411
10-03-2005, 08:57 PM
Haha, still rockin' that name........what's up Sicka?

GuardianOne
10-04-2005, 06:34 AM
Your last verse had a certain ring to it. But nice verse. Was very fashioned to poetry. Keep up the good work.

Peace

Dae Ja Nae
10-04-2005, 02:54 PM
Where he walks his presence is felt,
there they talk of blessings he dealt,
he bears the torch where peasants knelt,
they stare like hawks, by reverence compelled,
through his eyes he sees differently,
he uses disguise, to hide misery,
confused by his pride, his life history,
look through his outside, and find his disease,
visions of blood, and a sinister face,
incisions that flood, and administer pain,
precision in cuts, to diminish delays,
driven by lust and conditional rage,
I know of him as the man with two faces,
it's shown his sins are planned, not graceless,
growing within is his own brand of hatred,
they lower their kin, see his hand and they take it,
in their eyes, truth is he's a sign of good,
stare right through him every time they look,
dare to abuse him, it's a crime in their book,
unaware of confusion, the signs they mistook,
the day he explodes they're shocked into silence,
they say "We'd have known but we flocked with compliance,
no way was it shown that he's got these desires",
too late, they're alone, and they won't stop his violence.
Whoa ... powerful piece you have here Noel. I'm trippin' because it has a similar vibe to something I wrote a few days ago (I'll pm it to ya). I've noticed that you've really stepped up your game with your use of multies, not that you needed any improvement. I really like it when you display depth in your writing. This one has a lot of meaning trapped between the lines. I mean, I know we all like to have fun and be silly from time to time, but it's so cool to see more of your serious side.

Peace

noel411
10-05-2005, 02:59 AM
Thanks for the feed, Dae. Each time I write something serious, I've gotta go to the shopping mall and spit on unsuspecting people on lower levels, to keep the balance, haha. And yeah, I've been focusing on practicing multies on my last couple of pieces. Just trying to broaden my writing style.

Is that piece you wrote, that you referred to here, the one you've got posted up in here now?

noel411
10-05-2005, 03:00 AM
Oh yeah, and many thanks to GuardianOne also, for your comments.

noel411
10-10-2005, 12:54 AM
Light hits the page and words are revealed,
concisely arranged, but one third concealed,
curiosity might turn to guilt,
destroy the bricks with which we learned to build,
employ the trick of deceit to believe,
enjoy the sick of disease that defeats,
deploy techniques to intrigue and mislead,
a new man next week if you concieved what you read,
I need help to retain my sanity,
I see well but there's pain in clarity,
more pain than in a John Wayne battle scene,
or the torn remains of a hurricane tragedy,
it thoroughly batters me as I can't ignore it,
running through a parody of things that aren't important,
echoing my thoughts from the last installment,
let go, clear the board for a vast assortment,
I woke up because my darts were snoring,
they spoke up and some parts sounded boring,
rose buds that the sun's ignoring,
damaged goods with no one to restore them,
the planets stood, frozen mid orbit,
as I planned what would expose my own forfeit,
the conclusion was found in the right of my brain,
I flew through the town all night as it rained,
my veiw was confused as my sight was deranged,
the truth was excused for what might be explained,
as a failure to grasp the full frame of a picture,
a stalemate between the past and the future,
a railway with no carts to commute to,
we fail to change until we can grasp our confusion,
the snail awaits, having passed our solutions,
I sail away, the mast an illusion.....

GuardianOne
10-10-2005, 01:02 AM
Its a complicated verse. But has a vivid sense of a personal approach. Even though the way you expressed was fashioned to a certain sytle. But had its own reality. I don't know it kind of had a plain truth to it (thats what it seems)

Peace
PS: I enjoy those films (John Wayne, Lucky Luke, The Good, the bad and the ugly)

noel411
10-10-2005, 04:42 PM
Thanks for your comments, Guardian. Always appreciated.
Its a complicated verseYeah, I read back over the verse after I read your comments, and realised that pretty much nobody other than myself would know what the fuck I'm talking about in a lot of it, haha. As you probably realise though, I don't ever write meaningless, random shit (the piece titled "just for practice" being the exception, as it was.....just for practice.....although each line in that still at least had meaning within itself). If you're ever interested enough to want me to break down anything I write in a verse, just ask.

noel411
10-12-2005, 04:15 AM
He sits in the corner, a beer in his hand,
a quiet type, who'll hear your demands,
not the type to evoke fear in a man,
sits placidly, getting nearer his plan,
but acid leaks from the pores in his skin,
a silent disease, roaring within,
there has to be a cause for his sins,
when the violence recedes, he's gone with the wind,
he spends his days at the desk where he works,
he jokes with mates, sends texts to his girl,
smokes in his breaks, with the rest of the herd,
unknown that he takes the best of both worlds,
his inner rage comes alive through his demons,
like a beast in a cage, deprived of its freedom,
phsychotic tendencies, derived from mistreatment,
chronic dependancy, disguised as infrequent,
they don't realise his crimes are one sequence,
fail every time they try finding his secrets,
he leaves no trace when a crime is completed,
see his face and his smile is conceited,
his victims screaming while they're still breathing,
seeking completion cause his actions demeaning,
his beatings ceaseless cause his fury defeats him,
curing his weakness during the weekends,
on Monday he's just an ordinary white man,
blends right in, like a sword in a knights hand,
photos of corpses, stored in his nightstand,
no hope of forfeit, he's thought of his life plan.

noel411
10-13-2005, 01:53 AM
Stephen King Dedication

(Titles of novels and short stories in Green, or blue to seperate combined titles)


"Everything Is Eventual", I was once told by Christine,
Desperation is essential, for a man to reach his dreams,
Misery will help you, if you Carrie through It clean,
just don't get lost in The Green Mile of Shits Creek,
using Gramma's Bag of Bones, as a Dreamcatcher,
roamed the Black House alone, 'til I found a clean mattress,
dreamed Tommy had a sex change, Knockers like a porn actress,
became a whore to give the Children Of The Corn practice,
he appeared Thinner, shirt torn and worn backwards,
I awoke and Rose Madder than an Insomnia sufferer,
met The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and now I'm in love with her,
took my hat off The Stand, still trying to come to terms,
with the fact the Firestarter caused The Sun Dog to burn,
I got in Dolan's Cadillac, and drove to Salem's Lot,
took The Long Walk to a basement, the path is paved with rocks,
passed through The Dark Half, where the light fades and drops,
continued to the Pet Cemetary, and found Cujo's grave plot,
with Chattering Teeth, I removed The Shining coffin,
then at Four Past Midnight, I felt time stopping,
dropped in The Talisman, A Dedication and an offering,
I would have been Running Man! but my feet were locked in,
that's when Cain Rose Up, he was In The Reaper's Image,
straight from The Dead Zone, all of his teeth missing,
he said "I Know What You Need", after a brief intermission,
and handed me a copy of "Suffer The Little Children",
"this is hardly a Needful Thing", I said through The Mist,
his Breathing Method showed Rage, I could tell he was pissed,
he said "this was Gerald's Game, don't yell at me for this",
in any Different Season I'd have stayed to shoot the breeze with,
but it was Rainy Season, and I was freezing in my Sneakers,
my Graveyard Shift was over, it was time to leave the precinct,
and that's The End Of The Whole Mess, finally completed.

noel411
10-13-2005, 01:58 AM
Stephen King Dedication

(Titles of novels and short stories in Green, or blue to seperate combined titles)


"Everything Is Eventual", I was once told by Christine,
Desperation is essential, for a man to reach his dreams,
Misery will help you, if you Carrie through It clean,
just don't get lost in The Green Mile of Shits Creek,
using Gramma's Bag of Bones, as a Dreamcatcher,
roamed the Black House alone, 'til I found a clean mattress,
dreamed Tommy had a sex change, Knockers like a porn actress,
became a whore to give the Children Of The Corn practice,
he appeared Thinner, shirt torn and worn backwards,
I awoke and Rose Madder than an Insomnia sufferer,
met The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and now I'm in love with her,
took my hat off The Stand, still trying to come to terms,
with the fact the Firestarter caused The Sun Dog to burn,
I got in Dolan's Cadillac, and drove to Salem's Lot,
took The Long Walk to a basement, the path is paved with rocks,
passed through The Dark Half, where the light fades and drops,
continued to the Pet Cemetary, and found Cujo's grave plot,
with Chattering Teeth, I removed The Shining coffin,
then at Four Past Midnight, I felt time stopping,
dropped in The Talisman, A Dedication and an offering,
I would have been Running Man! but my feet were locked in,
that's when Cain Rose Up, he was In The Reaper's Image,
straight from The Dead Zone, all of his teeth missing,
he said "I Know What You Need", after a brief intermission,
and handed me a copy of "Suffer The Little Children",
"this is hardly a Needful Thing", I said through The Mist,
his Breathing Method showed Rage, I could tell he was pissed,
he said "this was Gerald's Game, don't yell at me for this",
in any Different Season I'd have stayed to shoot the breeze with,
but it was Rainy Season, and I was freezing in my Sneakers,
my Graveyard Shift was over, it was time to leave the precinct,
and that's The End Of The Whole Mess, finally completed.




Sorry, I just wanted to post this one seperately, I hope nobody minds.

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
10-13-2005, 11:44 AM
I dont mind at all ...nice piece it complements Kings piece as well

BlaK FuRYaN
10-13-2005, 01:24 PM
suin different...nice work...

noel411
10-13-2005, 04:40 PM
Thanks for the replies fellas. And yeah Ben, this piece wasn't really much lyrically, but I thought the actual story complimented Stephen King's writing pretty well.

the funky drunk
10-13-2005, 05:03 PM
^ yeh nice work son

cd
10-13-2005, 06:05 PM
get off Gza's nuts, son

noel411
10-13-2005, 06:23 PM
Hahahaha, if it isn't King Nutsack Licker himself! I'm glad my crazy fly dedication to my peoples was ill enough to pull you out of your little dark, slimy corner of filth.

And thanks for love, Funky Drunk.

jjh_38
10-13-2005, 10:28 PM
that shit came off nice.. made me realize how much work Steven King has actually done..lol. you held the topic throughout the verse too which can be tricky when trying to work your theme at the same time... well thought out.. nice read

Ronin
10-14-2005, 08:55 AM
good shit u spider watching outback rider

i liked the verse cus u had meaning for some titles, they wernt just thrown in

Dae Ja Nae
10-15-2005, 10:50 AM
Stephen King Dedication

(Titles of novels and short stories in Green, or blue to seperate combined titles)


"Everything Is Eventual", I was once told by Christine,
Desperation is essential, for a man to reach his dreams,
Misery will help you, if you Carrie through It clean,
just don't get lost in The Green Mile of Shits Creek,
using Gramma's Bag of Bones, as a Dreamcatcher,
roamed the Black House alone, 'til I found a clean mattress,
dreamed Tommy had a sex change, Knockers like a porn actress,
became a whore to give the Children Of The Corn practice,
he appeared Thinner, shirt torn and worn backwards,
I awoke and Rose Madder than an Insomnia sufferer,
met The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and now I'm in love with her,
took my hat off The Stand, still trying to come to terms,
with the fact the Firestarter caused The Sun Dog to burn,
I got in Dolan's Cadillac, and drove to Salem's Lot,
took The Long Walk to a basement, the path is paved with rocks,
passed through The Dark Half, where the light fades and drops,
continued to the Pet Cemetary, and found Cujo's grave plot,
with Chattering Teeth, I removed The Shining coffin,
then at Four Past Midnight, I felt time stopping,
dropped in The Talisman, A Dedication and an offering,
I would have been Running Man! but my feet were locked in,
that's when Cain Rose Up, he was In The Reaper's Image,
straight from The Dead Zone, all of his teeth missing,
he said "I Know What You Need", after a brief intermission,
and handed me a copy of "Suffer The Little Children",
"this is hardly a Needful Thing", I said through The Mist,
his Breathing Method showed Rage, I could tell he was pissed,
he said "this was Gerald's Game, don't yell at me for this",
in any Different Season I'd have stayed to shoot the breeze with,
but it was Rainy Season, and I was freezing in my Sneakers,
my Graveyard Shift was over, it was time to leave the precinct,
and that's The End Of The Whole Mess, finally completed.




Sorry, I just wanted to post this one seperately, I hope nobody minds.
Cot Damn noel!!! You did the damn thing with this one. I looked past this one because I didn't think the content was gonna be, well ... dare I say, meaningful. I was WRONG, and I should've known better, so my apologies. You really put together a piece of work using these titles. Hell, it's a hell of a story within it's self. Plus, the delivery, content and flow are all on point!!

Great job man.

noel411
10-15-2005, 11:19 PM
Many thanks for the replies, my peoples. Always appreciated.

noel411
10-22-2005, 07:27 AM
I give three days notice before I let a flow rip,
the delays hope is to show better focus,
I strained when I groped it, the pen broke when I wrote this,
with a migraine provoked by ten tokes through a roach clip,
I practice my vocals but I'm still tryna find,
the life of the rhyme that hides in my mind,
I know at times I'm riding the tide,
my own disguise is hiding my pride,
I alone decide what I write,
in that zone I find light, I find sight,
but when there's no life I'm still digging for clues,
sometimes it feels like fishing in swimming pools,
winning duels without sticking to rules,
fixing my blues without bringing the tools,
old news makes its way to the page,
settle if I accept the way it's arranged,
inevitable to step my way through the maze,
the level I've kept is a way to persuade,
come strong, with one wrong I'm fading away,
many stare unaware of the games that I play,
give rise to those who live life aware,
how quickly I script scenes that strip me bare,
this time I chose two quick lines to share,
how nifty I pick these cats tricks, beware.

Man @ Armz
10-23-2005, 09:57 PM
Hey didnt read everything but everything i read was OFF right tight enjoyed ever minute of it Peace one love

ElusiveFugitive
10-24-2005, 04:28 PM
I strained when I groped it, the pen broke when I wrote this,
with a migraine provoked by ten tokes through a roach clip,

I practice my vocals but I'm still tryna find,
the life of the rhyme that hides in my mind,

come strong, with one wrong I'm fading away,
many stare unaware of the games that I play,
give rise to those who live life aware,
how quickly I script scenes that strip me bare,
Nice work Noel...These highlighted parts stuck out the most for me.
The first one was a classic. Rhyme scheme, imagery and message were all on point

ONE LOVE

noel411
10-24-2005, 05:00 PM
Many thanks for the replies, Man@Arms, and ElusiveFugitive. Always encouraging.

the funky drunk
10-24-2005, 05:17 PM
yo , i like this thread alot , coz there aint a bad verse in here , some these verses are sick

keep it up

peace!

noel411
10-24-2005, 11:33 PM
Thanks man. It's good to hear that somebody is enjoying my work. Appreciate it.

Razorsharp
10-25-2005, 12:11 AM
hey noel... i didnt know that you were a poet, i guess i didnt know it... LMAO i am to0

noel411
10-25-2005, 03:12 AM
Haha, that's why whenever you catch me on the forum, and ask where I've been, I tell you I'm still around. I post in here all the time. Thanks for peepin' my work......if you even did, haha.

noel411
10-25-2005, 03:14 AM
I've got rhyme schemes to hide poor grammar n',
this one here I call "The Store mannequin",
don't get caught in boring sword battlin',
the fight for feed leaves mic cords tangling,
we're all just pawns on the board, practicing,
some of y'all sound like you're caught on thought laxatives,
only a fraction aren't trapped in lacking energy,
I found the passion back when "Mack" was my identity,
took the blows alone when battling my enemies,
now look how I've grown from my own attack strategy,
who do you know who can flow this naturally?
proven and shown it both slow and dramatically,
tragically some get lost in the art,
damage their rep for the cost of a laugh,
some lack rhyme skill but still got the heart,
give them the guidance a "boss" should impart,
not whine and cry and toss rookie darts,
a fire in my eye even when I'm not looking hard,
I booked a cart not sure where I was going,
it arrived, I realised I was there and didn't know it,
mesmerised looking in the eyes of the hidden poet,
stepped aside with a pride that left the mirror broken,
now left with the notion of growing through belief,
pen style perfected when I accept truth decieves,
turn rivers into oceans and roots into trees,
tend my corrections 'til the next clue's recieved.

Robert
10-25-2005, 03:21 AM
thats a hot verse noel, reppin Australia right!!!
peace

Muslimah
10-25-2005, 06:08 AM
^^ noel411 just pretends to be Australian to be more like me

haha nice verse geek :p :D

noel411
10-25-2005, 05:01 PM
Many thanks to my fellow Aussie, Jamel, and no thanks to the Lebo dweeb, Muslimah.

cd
10-25-2005, 05:18 PM
That last verse was wombat poop

noel411
10-25-2005, 06:43 PM
Thanks cd. Good to see you're up on the Aussie slang. Not many yanks would be familiar with the fact that "wombat poop" converts to "incredibly fucken ill".

And about that pm you sent me. Yeah, I'd be willing to ghost write for you at that price, but I want the first $200 000 upfront.

cd
10-25-2005, 08:57 PM
no, I said YOU give ME $500,000 And I'll stop taking up your mom's propositions. She's worth every cent. That's US dollars, not that Aussie crap.

noel411
10-25-2005, 09:42 PM
Haha, as much as I miss this shit, and would love to verbally tear the shit out of you, I'd rather not litter my crazy ill thread with this.

ElusiveFugitive
10-26-2005, 06:48 PM
QUOTE]it arrived, I realised I was there and didn't know it,
mesmerised looking in the eyes of the hidden poet,[/QUOTE]

now left with the notion of growing through belief,
pen style perfected when I accept truth decieves,
turn rivers into oceans and roots into trees,
tend my corrections 'til the next clue's recieved.
These are some definite quotables Noel, I enjoyed reading this knowledge drop...
Rhyme scheme is tight and even flow

ONE LOVE

cd
10-26-2005, 08:26 PM
While most spit shit noel rips shit
Most simplistic while he hits cryptic
Dont matter it's sick if da Aussie wears lipstick
Bc most scatter quick in his leather and whips
Famous for doin flips for dick and grabbin' hips
Da God got rhymes for days y'all betta respect bet
Though shit never pays cause he's just a net vet
This thread is mad hype with those metaphors and multies
Like he gives head to hoes, whores, and men big and sultry
So bow down to the master of this net shit
Before he creates a disaster and has ya neck split
Arguing in combat with imbeciles cause this boy knows the ledge
Sippin' love juices of Wombat to give him the will and the extra edge


word to ya mother's uncle's gimp's cousins aids infected autistic dog

noel411
10-27-2005, 04:55 PM
Hahahaha, that's some ill ass funky hype dope fresh def shit, cd. Thanks for dropping that in my thread.

And thanks Fugitive. Always appreciate hearing from you.

noel411
11-03-2005, 04:22 AM
Cautiously approach, taking no chances,
thoughts turn to flows for the sake of advancement,
sort through the storeroom, break off the cancer,
arrange it accordingly, state what's the answer,
what's the chances of planning and perfecting?
uncertain like a van that ran the intersection,
refute me conclusively and I'll stand corrected,
take it like a man with my right hand extended,
make a grand entrance to command their attention,
plant a lance in the man who ran the convention,
ask the wrong question, you're testing my patience,
I'm the boss like Spock when questing in spaceships,
some even say the best thing since fake tits,
I'm coming with hatred like a resident rapist,
resting only during the seventh day sabbath,
stay in bed late, break bread with my neighbours,
they say my behaviour is far from acceptable,
when tasted the flavour of my bars is exceptional,
like a savoury beast whose carcass is edible,
praise me on knees if you grasped what I said to you,
like that bastard who led the jews, died on the cross,
toss darts that cross paths right on the spot,
my energy could bend a tree, give life to a rock,
every drop such a shock it stops time on a clock,
nobody riding my jock and I like it that way,
dick riding these days is a frightening display,
it's like a gay craze when light hits the stage,
the mic fades away with the right pitch and haze,
grip the reigns, guide the horse to victory,
a twist of fate has us re-recording history,
by those who think a man's important visually,
and the lost souls who bought their twisted schemes,
notice the hopeless war is fought with mimicry?
of those they oppose so they fall short dismally,
in feeble hope people of all sorts will be free,
stuck in a rut, ducks that we hunt 'til they see,
they build a screen that causes further seperation,
re-write the law with blood drawn from murder patients,
take the blame, admit shame and learn to face it,
to gain a good name you've gotta earn your placement,
and they'll term me a "racist" but I no longer care,
because to me there's a bigger problem to repair,
a problem about what's wrong and what's fair,
a problem that has turned my song to despair,
they left when we questioned what's really there,
intentions were threatened so they got really scared,
my drop's nearly dead, chop a drug in half,
I did this to witness my love for the art,
my poison pen text rhymes show I've got heart,
join me again next time I drop fifty bars.

Aqueous Moon
11-03-2005, 04:32 AM
Peace

Your writing is off the hook...I love it


real tight flow, realistic content, i can relate to yo shit ....keep it up

Peace

Dae Ja Nae
11-03-2005, 06:50 AM
refute me conclusively and I'll stand corrected,
take it like a man with my right hand extended,
make a grand entrance to command their attention,
plant a lance in the man who ran the convention,


some even say the best thing since fake tits,
I'm coming with hatred like a resident rapist,


This could easily go down as a classic drop. It's as if you broke out of a cell of frustration ... venting, in a sense ... spewing fury all over the screen, which is very obvious in the bars below.


my energy could bend a tree, give life to a rock,
every drop such a shock it stops time on a clock,
nobody riding my jock and I like it that way,
dick riding these days is a frightening display,
it's like a gay craze when light hits the stage,
the mic fades away with the right pitch and haze,
grip the reigns, guide the horse to victory,
a twist of fate has us re-recording history,
by those who think a man's important visually,
and the lost souls who bought their twisted schemes,
notice the hopeless war is fought with mimicry?
of those they oppose so they fall short dismally,
in feeble hope people of all sorts will be free,
stuck in a rut, ducks that we hunt 'til they see,
they build a screen that causes further seperation,
re-write the law with blood drawn from murder patients,
take the blame, admit shame and learn to face it,
to gain a good name you've gotta earn your placement,
and they'll term me a "racist" but I no longer care,
because to me there's a bigger problem to repair,
a problem about what's wrong and what's fair,
a problem that has turned my song to despair,
they left when we questioned what's really there,
intentions were threatened so they got really scared,
One word ... DAMN!!! ...

You really tore the second half up!

There's a lot of insight to be gained from between these lines ... I'm definitely feeling the content and the flow. Parts of this reads like your "twin"... lol ... other parts made me feel as though I was looking in a mirror at my former and present self. You know you've done a great job when one can mentally visualize, and be physically moved by, your words.

Props on another great drop ...


Peace

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
11-03-2005, 03:25 PM
Cautiously approach, taking no chances,
thoughts turn to flows for the sake of advancement,
sort through the storeroom, break off the cancer,
arrange it accordingly, state what's the answer,
what's the chances of planning and perfecting?
uncertain like a van that ran the intersection,
refute me conclusively and I'll stand corrected,
take it like a man with my right hand extended,
make a grand entrance to command their attention,
plant a lance in the man who ran the convention,
ask the wrong question, you're testing my patience,
I'm the boss like Spock when questing in spaceships,
some even say the best thing since fake tits,
I'm coming with hatred like a resident rapist,
resting only during the seventh day sabbath,
stay in bed late, break bread with my neighbours,
they say my behaviour is far from acceptable,
when tasted the flavour of my bars is exceptional,
like a savoury beast whose carcass is edible,
praise me on knees if you grasped what I said to you,
like that bastard who led the jews, died on the cross,
toss darts that cross paths right on the spot,
my energy could bend a tree, give life to a rock,
every drop such a shock it stops time on a clock,
nobody riding my jock and I like it that way,
dick riding these days is a frightening display,
it's like a gay craze when light hits the stage,
the mic fades away with the right pitch and haze,
grip the reigns, guide the horse to victory,
a twist of fate has us re-recording history,
by those who think a man's important visually,
and the lost souls who bought their twisted schemes,
notice the hopeless war is fought with mimicry?
of those they oppose so they fall short dismally,
in feeble hope people of all sorts will be free,
stuck in a rut, ducks that we hunt 'til they see,
they build a screen that causes further seperation,
re-write the law with blood drawn from murder patients,
take the blame, admit shame and learn to face it,
to gain a good name you've gotta earn your placement,
and they'll term me a "racist" but I no longer care,
because to me there's a bigger problem to repair,
a problem about what's wrong and what's fair,
a problem that has turned my song to despair,
they left when we questioned what's really there,
intentions were threatened so they got really scared,
my drop's nearly dead, chop a drug in half,
I did this to witness my love for the art,
my poison pen text rhymes show I've got heart,
join me again next time I drop fifty bars.

Damn Noel you're hitting hard with this display!!
Dope energy and your emotions conveyed!!

noel411
11-04-2005, 08:25 PM
Many thanks for the replies, Aqueos Moon, Big Benjamin, and especially Dae for giving another detailed reply. Always appreciated.

I just wanted to "break down" something I said in this verse, because it sounds really stupid, and bothers me whenever I see it, haha. I just wanna show that it actually meant something because it sounds random and stupid, haha.
my drop's nearly dead, chop a drug in half The first half is nothing, just what it says, my verse is almost over. But the "chop a drug in half" is because this verse was inspired by Canibus' "100 Bars", so by doing 50 bars I was chopping Canibus' 100 bars in half, and of course cannabis is a drug, so that's what that reference meant.

Sorry, I just wanted to clear that up even though nobody mentioned it. It was bothering me, haha.

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
11-04-2005, 10:40 PM
another thing Noel the verse seems as if you wrote this effortlessly...PeacEcaeP

no signs of writers block

noel411
11-05-2005, 06:29 AM
Yeah, definately. If you read through this thread you can see I've just been practicing with different rhyme schemes and such, trying to improve my skills. I'm at a point now where rhymes just come to me really naturally. If I've got nothing on my mind that I wanna write about, I just write rhymes about anything, to sharpen my skills, which has been helpful to me. I've written more rhymes in the last few months than I would have written in probably my whole life.

noel411
04-05-2006, 07:54 PM
He wakes from his slumber, past nine is the number,
shakes off the covers, last night is a wonder,
head heavily pounds, every sound is like thunder,
looks down at the ground and frowns at the chunder,
found under his head, is a small red puddle,
around the bed, he finds more and is puzzled,
tries to picture the night, with no vision or sight,
restricted like a dog with its jaw in a muzzle,
falls and stumbles, as he gets to his feet,
led to believe that last night he got crazy,
some light and hot pastries, he fetches to eat,
next his tv turns bright, he drops lazily,
watching the daily news, the main story,
four dames who were boarding, left maimed and gory,
four young nurses, who were raped and murdered,
he feels an uncertain mix of pain and glory,
when he looks at the stained remains of the war scene,
four teens with torn dreams, lost in a rage,
wipe the floor clean, bodies tossed in a grave,
he wanders the streets, like he's lost in a maze,
grabs a newspaper and is later amazed,
to see his own face grace the front page,


Reading the article, he's dripping sweat particles,
each word reaches further to ripping his heart in two,
weezes and gags, breathing has become hard to do,
like Master Fard, finds it hard to grasp the truth,
but he has to accept that he's left with no path to choose,
the last clue was a fifth girl who called the law,
she'd been on the floor, said she'd seen it all,
from under a bed where she'd crawled before,
first blood was drawn and the slaughter performed,
called in an artist, who drew a patchy depiction,
but could be used to conclude that he matched the description,
in conjunction with the fact they captured his prints when,
they found an inscription written in the blood of his victims,
nothing was missing, from the scene of the crime,
aside from one item they couldn't seem to find,
a silk bra it seemed he couldn't leave behind,
a thieving mind was not behind this heinous crime,
the paper stated the perpetrator would be chained in time,
the paint is dry, now he's cold to the touch,
nonplussed cos he can't recall holding the brush,


He creeps back to his apartment without recognition,
paranoid like a hitman on his second mission,
checks the kitchen and finds two knives missing,
shook cos it looks like he took lives with them,
five women, four gone, mourned, and dead,
heads to the bedroom with a feeling of dread,
kneeling, he bends and sorts through the clothes,
he'd put on last night before he left home,
finds two bloody knives, a bra, a gun, a sack,
of crack that he now recalls snorting in stacks,
thoughts gone off the map, he got caught in a trap,
now the hall is packed with a forceful opponent,
as one falls back to crack the door latch,
he snatches his gat, not sure if it's loaded,
caught in the moment, he cocks back the hammer,
lock cracks and they clamour as his thoughts are exploded.

Aqua Luna
04-06-2006, 07:23 PM
geez...ok.

umm...nice imagery

maestro wooz
04-06-2006, 09:45 PM
hahaha rough night man?

LHX
04-07-2006, 11:11 AM
i love the story telling shit

respect

noel411
04-08-2006, 10:17 AM
Thanks for peepin', mo'fuckaz.

cd
04-09-2006, 12:22 PM
weak, soft shit

noel411
04-13-2006, 10:55 PM
weak, soft shit
Sounds kinda like your cock after one of those homosexual sailor orgies you like to host.

DREW-DIE$EL
04-13-2006, 11:00 PM
i wanted pictures. i don't know how to read.

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
04-13-2006, 11:37 PM
Damn Noel that was dope story telling!!

noel411
04-14-2006, 07:03 AM
Cheers fellas!

And yeah Spoken, I don't have a sister either, haha.

noel411
04-24-2006, 02:16 AM
I wrote this song a little while back. It's much more relevant in Australia specifically, especially at the time I wrote it. But the message is still most certainly relevant worldwide, at any given time.


On nights like these their problems would scatter,
they were together and that was all that mattered,
if they hit the the city or simply just chatted,
they were elevated like a man who stands on a ladder,
didn't matter where they were, it felt like paradise,
on their last leg before they start their married life,
a seed had been planted so she also carried life,
the rings and words, the things to turn them man and wife,
no sting of hurt from things they heard, standing side by side,
lost in every moment when they are together,
at a train station but it could pass as heaven,
he remains patient even though he starts at seven,
feelings of contentment of which he can't remember,
a happiness he's carried ever since last december,
found a pleasure which he'd treasure in his heart forever,

light shines off their scalps as they walk the same station,
high and energised, their thoughts and brains racing,
their leader is calm so they're taught to stay patient,
most have done time, they all caught the same cases,
a force of one kind, they abhor the same races,
one spots a couple who fit the criteria,
maybe some greaseball tourists from siberia,
all they know's that they don't have a white exterior,
time to show that they won't have their kinds inferiors,


They don't even notice the group of men approaching,
hopelessly lost as moment blends into moment,
they finally look up when they sense they're over them,
looking with contempt at the defenseless opponent,
so vastly outnumbered it renders them hopeless,
they want to see these wogs plead, beg and scream,
they order Gene on his feet because Gene's Lebanese,
but Gene stays in his seat and now Gene's getting beat,
the girl starts to weep and they briefly let her plead,
before booted feet are rudely met with her teeth,
this is Hugh's first time and now Hugh is thinking twice,
confused by what he sees through his blinking eyes,
hanging with the wrong guys and now he's gonna pay the price,
Gene sees a break and steps tactically aside,
with a huge roar cracks Hugh's jaw and he practically flies,
they all temporarily conclude what they're doing,
Hugh's down on the ground and Hugh's not moving,
they shake him to wake him but it all proves useless,
now they're all gonna pay for his careless movement,
baby included it's three more lives we're losing,
they finish their business and they're soon out of sight,
an aboriginal man arrives after looming nearby,
been drinking and thinking in the moons clear light,
on Gene he finds a worn and torn withering five,
then the train arrives and he's gone in the night.

hazidus hitman
04-24-2006, 05:18 PM
thats pretty deep bro...obviously has allot of meaning behind it?
you stated its a song, and it does read as one, not a rap. good shit, keep it up

noel411
04-26-2006, 02:56 AM
Thanks for the comment. It is a rap song.

Sicka than aidZ
04-26-2006, 06:19 AM
its cool

Tito_Para Enfrente
04-26-2006, 05:45 PM
Noel... My Latest {old} Material.. I Posted.. Barely.... I Wasn't Trying 2 Jock U.. <<< I Already Had It Written... I Just Didnt Have A Title.. >> Being That I Have 2 Go... That's What I Came Up With. .. What I Put...



Peace.. Good Shit..

noel411
04-27-2006, 04:44 PM
No worries mate. Thanks for the replies.

RADIOACTIVE MAN
04-29-2006, 02:39 PM
noel holla at me g

that shit was crack son


by the way,what happened btween you and logitrax

noel411
04-29-2006, 08:59 PM
Cheers Shifter. I'll shoot you a PM later.

Killer Falcon
05-01-2006, 03:33 PM
thats a good song. i'm feeling what you say a lot. the flow is good but i think your bars are too long. keep up the good work

peace

noel411
05-02-2006, 04:44 PM
Thanks for the reply, winte. The bars are fairly long, but they're written in time with the beat I wrote this for. Mind you, I did have to slightly alter a couple of bars when I recorded it.

Killer Falcon
05-03-2006, 01:26 AM
nice. i'd be interested to hear how the song came out, are you gonna put it up?

peace

noel411
05-03-2006, 06:09 AM
I won't be putting it up at this time. I've actually recorded a whole lot of songs, but still haven't really had a look at the mastering side of things. I used to just import a beat into Audacity and spit my song over it with a shitty mic, throw in some overdubs, and call it day, haha. You play that shit back and it sounds fucken horrible. I recently finally got myself Cubase, as well as a good quality mic and preamp, but the problem now is that I almost never find time to record, and I still wanna re-record everything I did in Audacity with my shit mic, as well all the new songs I'm writing.

But it's slowly coming along. One day I'll force myself to start looking into the mastering side of things, and get some tracks completed. When I'm satisfied with the quality of my tracks I'll share them with anybody who's interested.

Beats are no problem, as I have a mate who pounds out shitloads of beats that compliment my style and where I want to go with my music.

Anyway, that's my essay answer to your simple question, haha.

noel411
06-26-2006, 02:54 AM
This song is kind of a mockery of all the worthless, non-concept, content lacking trivial similie/punchline/multi filled bullshit that people are writing these days, and is making worthwhile hip hop harder and harder to come by. Each to their own, I just find that shit to be a disposable waste of time. And I realise this song is exactly that. That's the point of it.


I write a non-concept rhyme, but it still has a purpose,
you bite my songs lines, your skills lack, you're worthless,
and flow so random, have to fill gaps with curses,
if I had throat cancer I'd still rap my verses,
'til I was being filled with pills by skilled quacks and nurses,
even then my bleeding pen or quill scratch the surface,
recieving men and leaving them to fill backs of hearses,
decieving when I weave the pen and kill tracks, it worsens,
when opponents come to shows with frilled packs and purses,
converse with surfers about wind and swell,
curse all persons who doubt, infidels,
laugh loud cos you can't cast out sins in hell,
for the last bout I pass out ink on felt,
in one blink they fell as my words hit the paper,
caught up in a rage, they determined a caper,
threw water on my page, but it turned into vapour,


The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, and that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying,


I get calls from skin care patients cos I'm known for blazing spots,
you get calls from poultry farmers cos you're known for raising cocks,
I should be a stone mason, cos I create amazing plots,
I'm like protective parents cos I've got the game on lock,
I rhyme to stay sane and it'll stay that way,
until the day they engrave my name in rock,
I'm not taking shots, at any individual,
I've hidden jewels, but you'll never break the lock,
whether you make it or not, the riddle will confuse,
fiddle through the clues, and break up the knots,
take cups and pots and bake up a rock,
cake, not a block that makes bucks at vacant lots,
bacon rots, cops are dropped line and hook,
all your life work and the time that it took,
can't equate to one page taken from my rhyme book,
you can find it hiding inside your mind if you look,


The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, nd that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying.

GuardianOne
06-28-2006, 06:54 AM
This verse was very practical. It interesting that when each individual expresses exactly how they want to with a vivid subject it seems to appear the same type of style ( better known as the truth ). Nice verse, keeps one in tune to what you're explaining.

Peace
PS: Keep posting, a thought comes to mind of what you once wrote "you're a mean type of guy" can't remember the exact words but it was along that context in Dae's collab or verse.

noel411
06-28-2006, 08:41 PM
Cheers for the feed, Guardian. I probably have mentioned previously that I'm a "mean motherfucker", but if you bring that up in the context that I wrote this to diss the people here, the song is actually a reflection of my frustration at what hip hop as a whole has become. I wasn't even gonna put that paragraph at the start, but just couldn't bring myself to post the song without making it clear that it is largely a mockery, and that I more or less detest this style of writing.

BRASSKNUCKLED PAI MEI
06-28-2006, 10:42 PM
ahaaa! I like the sarcasm !! and it flowed seamlessly...
and makes me write something like...


eating Cobra commanders I'm an African Honey Badger!
cause'n devastation like leaving a gun victim in the hospital waiting,
noel411 penetrating the trivial text like it was primetime pussy,
definin mental rookies slaves to cotton paper pumpin nookie and assorted goodies,
I like the underlying meaning of the words i was reading
from the glorified beatings to the mortified feelings,
we all need inspiration to share our words of healing,
we get caught in social circumstances of numb dealings...

PeacecaeP noel411

GuardianOne
06-29-2006, 08:53 AM
Cheers for the feed, Guardian. but if you bring that up in the context that I wrote this to diss the people here, the song is actually a reflection of my frustration at what hip hop as a whole has become.

No not in that mode of thought. Actually what i saw was how you expressed something which you had witnessed or noticed, with no relation to the temple. But what you had expressed was a direct link to the lifestyle or situation from your own side of things.
So is where the thought of an example or actuallty that you used that being a "mean motherfucker".

Cause you noticed something an just had to put it accross toward the rest of people that watched and could not place it in creative writing or a real truth.

Anyway still it was a nice verse, kind of puts things in perspective in a sought of imagination.

Peace
PS: And what you explained as i quoted only justified what had to be known. If its not too big a word the truth...

Luther Large
06-29-2006, 06:32 PM
This song is kind of a mockery of all the worthless, non-concept, content lacking trivial similie/punchline/multi filled bullshit that people are writing these days, and is making worthwhile hip hop harder and harder to come by. Each to their own, I just find that shit to be a disposable waste of time. And I realise this song is exactly that. That's the point of it.


I write a non-concept rhyme, but it still has a purpose,
you bite songs, text and lines, skills that are worthless,
and flow so random, have to fill gaps with curses,
if I had throat cancer I'd still rap my verses,
'til I was being filled with pills by skilled quacks and nurses,
even then my bleeding pen or quill scratch the surface,
recieving men and leaving them to fill backs of hearses,
decieving when I weave the pen and kill tracks, it worsens,
when opponents come to shows with frilled packs and purses,
converse with surfers about wind and swell,
curse all persons who doubt, infidels,
laugh loud cos you can't cast out sins in hell,
for the last bout I pass out ink on felt,
in one blink they fell as my words hit the paper,
caught up in a rage, they determined a caper,
threw water on my page, but it turned into vapour,


The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, and that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying,


I get calls from skin care patients cos I'm known for blazing spots,
you get calls from poultry farmers cos you're known for raising cocks,
I should be a stone mason, cos I create amazing plots,
I'm like protective parents cos I've got the game on lock,
I rhyme to stay sane and it'll stay that way,
until the day they engrave my name in rock,
I'm not taking shots, at any individual,
I've hidden jewels, but you'll never break the lock,
whether you make it or not, the riddle will confuse,
fiddle through the clues, and break up the knots,
take cups and pots and bake up a rock,
cake, not a block that makes bucks at vacant lots,
bacon rots, cops are dropped line and hook,
all your life work and the time that it took,
can't equate to one page taken from my rhyme book,
you can find it hiding inside your mind if you look,


The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, nd that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying.

^^^see this is nothing worth saying if your punches or similies/meta4's suck that bad

but if they as good as the gza's or big l's its definetly worth saying so i think the weak point you tried to get across failed

you make it sound like the only raps that should be written should be some "stop fightin and teach the seeds" type shit.................which is stupid to say and expect

and even if you arnt implying that i'm just letting you know if your good at executing punches/meta4s then its def worth it you fool

noel411
06-29-2006, 07:39 PM
Cheers for the reply, Ben. Ill funky rhyme too, haha.

No doubt Guardian, I think I get what youíre saying. Thanks again for your input.

Wow Luther, you sure took that to heart didnít you?

^^^see this is nothing worth saying if your punches or similies/meta4's suck that bad
I would have thought it quite obvious the similies and punches were intentionally lame. I even recycled a couple from a mock rhyme I did in an email when discussing my frustration with modern hip hop with a friend. To tell the truth I simply just wouldnít endeavour to come up with a crafty similie or punchline. Thatís not what writing is about to me. I will use a similie if it naturally comes to mind, or to make a point. But thatís just me. As I said in my initial post, each to their own. Oh, and as far as I recall I didnít use any metaphors in this song. 95% of mcís and hip hop fans donít actually understand what a metaphor is.

I will also add that I didn't say anything about metaphors. If you're using a metaphor for the sake of using a metaphor, then I feel the same about that as I do similies and punchlines. But I have a lot of respect for writers who can effectively write in a metaphorical style.

but if they as good as the gza's or big l's its definetly worth saying so i think the weak point you tried to get across failed
Gza is a poor example of what I am saying. Big L was nice. That was his style and he had the natural ďflareĒ for it to suit him. And not everybody was rapping like that back then. Now every other person wants to be like him. People donít write whatís natural to them anymore, but rather try to be something theyíre not. Look at all the mcís that have changed their style over time to reflect what other mcís are doing. Itís pathetic.

you make it sound like the only raps that should be written should be some "stop fightin and teach the seeds" type shit.................which is stupid to say and expect
Iím saying write your own shit. Write whatís natural to you. Donít try and be like everyone else, and donít write to try and impress everyone else. But once again, each to their own. Nobody has to agree with me or do what I say. Iím just expressing my views.

and even if you arnt implying that i'm just letting you know if your good at executing punches/meta4s then its def worth it you fool
Yep. Pity it sounds so forced in 9 cases out of 10Ö.Maybe more.

Thanks for your input.

Luther Large
06-30-2006, 09:16 AM
Cheers for the reply, Ben. Ill funky rhyme too, haha.

No doubt Guardian, I think I get what youíre saying. Thanks again for your input.

Wow Luther, you sure took that to heart didnít you?


I would have thought it quite obvious the similies and punches were intentionally lame. I even recycled a couple from a mock rhyme I did in an email when discussing my frustration with modern hip hop with a friend. To tell the truth I simply just wouldnít endeavour to come up with a crafty similie or punchline. Thatís not what writing is about to me. I will use a similie if it naturally comes to mind, or to make a point. But thatís just me. As I said in my initial post, each to their own. Oh, and as far as I recall I didnít use any metaphors in this song. 95% of mcís and hip hop fans donít actually understand what a metaphor is.

I will also add that I didn't say anything about metaphors. If you're using a metaphor for the sake of using a metaphor, then I feel the same about that as I do similies and punchlines. But I have a lot of respect for writers who can effectively write in a metaphorical style.


Gza is a poor example of what I am saying. Big L was nice. That was his style and he had the natural ďflareĒ for it to suit him. And not everybody was rapping like that back then. Now every other person wants to be like him. People donít write whatís natural to them anymore, but rather try to be something theyíre not. Look at all the mcís that have changed their style over time to reflect what other mcís are doing. Itís pathetic.


Iím saying write your own shit. Write whatís natural to you. Donít try and be like everyone else, and donít write to try and impress everyone else. But once again, each to their own. Nobody has to agree with me or do what I say. Iím just expressing my views.


Yep. Pity it sounds so forced in 9 cases out of 10Ö.Maybe more.

Thanks for your input.

ok then in that case i kind of agree with you..... i admit i didnt read the whole thing cuz i just got heated cuz it seemed to me you were dissin all rappers who use similies and punches

but now that you explained it to me i do agree with you about some of it

this reminds me of prince pauls "Politics of the Business" album

noel411
07-02-2006, 05:03 PM
No doubt Luther. My intention wasn't to just straight up diss anybody who does or doesn't write a certain way.

Cheers for the kind words Spoken. Hard as I try I just can't stay away from the crazy ill rhyme schemes.

Sirkulayshun
07-02-2006, 07:24 PM
^O^ nice verses
I write a non-concept rhyme, but it still has a purpose,
you bite songs, text and lines, skills that are worthless,
and flow so random, have to fill gaps with curses,
if I had throat cancer I'd still rap my verses,
'til I was being filled with pills by skilled quacks and nurses,
even then my bleeding pen or quill scratch the surface,
recieving men and leaving them to fill backs of hearses,
decieving when I weave the pen and kill tracks, it worsens,
when opponents come to shows with frilled packs and purses,
converse with surfers about wind and swell,
curse all persons who doubt, infidels,
laugh loud cos you can't cast out sins in hell,
for the last bout I pass out ink on felt,
in one blink they fell as my words hit the paper,
caught up in a rage, they determined a caper,
threw water on my page, but it turned into vapour,


The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, and that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying,


I get calls from skin care patients cos I'm known for blazing spots,
you get calls from poultry farmers cos you're known for raising cocks,
I should be a stone mason, cos I create amazing plots,
I'm like protective parents cos I've got the game on lock,
I rhyme to stay sane and it'll stay that way,
until the day they engrave my name in rock,
I'm not taking shots, at any individual,
I've hidden jewels, but you'll never break the lock,
whether you make it or not, the riddle will confuse,
fiddle through the clues, and break up the knots,
take cups and pots and bake up a rock,
cake, not a block that makes bucks at vacant lots,
bacon rots, cops are dropped line and hook,
all your life work and the time that it took,
can't equate to one page taken from my rhyme book,
you can find it hiding inside your mind if you look,

The kid's got skills, I do and I address it,
but use what I'm blessed with for music with a message,
The kid's got rhymes, nd that I am displaying,
but it doesn't mean shit if you have nothing worth saying



i highlighted the lines that stood out 2 me....alot of good lines.......
"I get calls from skin care patients cos I'm known for blazing spots,
you get calls from poultry farmers cos you're known for raising cocks
that line was mmmmuuurrrddddeeerrr!!!

overall it was dope
keep it up
peace

Locust
07-03-2006, 05:04 AM
for each his own i guess.. both verses were sick, second verse had more versatility in the rhyme scheme which was tight, nice drop

noel411
07-03-2006, 04:44 PM
Many thanks for the feed, Sirkulayshun and Locust.

VernakuLa
07-03-2006, 05:30 PM
holy shit noell, ive been sleeping on your style im feeling the fuckin rhyme schemes most def yo, Nice use of multies, and punches/wordplay, basically for me, it was everything that you SHOULD put in work, dope man stay up 1

noel411
07-04-2006, 04:53 PM
No doubt. If that's what you're into then so be it. Glad you enjoyed my piece. I figured a lot of people here would. That's why I posted it. Cheers for the feed.

noel411
07-30-2006, 01:52 AM
It might be a bit late to ask this now, but I was wondering if anybody could help me out here?

In the hook where it says "the kid's got skills" and "the kid's got rhymes", well I don't actually plan on saying that. I wanna put in a vocal sample from a hip hop song, that is somewhere along those lines. Something that will fit with the parts that follow.

Anybody got any suggestions for a sample or two which I could use?

cd
07-31-2006, 01:22 AM
why don't you use one of those Barry Manilow songs you love, you worthless fag....

VernakuLa
07-31-2006, 01:22 AM
why don't you use one of those Barry Manilow songs you love, you worthless fag....

u sho no love, for homo thugs man

noel411
07-31-2006, 03:50 AM
why don't you use one of those Barry Manilow songs you love, you worthless fag....
I actually considered using a segment from that love ballad you wrote about me last valentines day, but flattering as it was, I just can't support man to man love.

cd
07-31-2006, 05:31 AM
I actually considered using a segment from that love ballad you wrote about me last valentines day, but flattering as it was, I just can't support man to man love.



Wow, if that's your new stance, all those Aussie gay gangbangs I hear you participate in as a gimp will miss you

noel411
07-31-2006, 05:34 AM
Yeah, they are disappointed. They seem to all be in agreement that you're a pretty disappointing replacement.

VernakuLa
07-31-2006, 05:58 AM
lmao

cd
07-31-2006, 07:03 AM
Yeah, they are disappointed. They seem to all be in agreement that you're a pretty disappointing replacement.



I would never even think about trying to replace the guy who was named Cum Gurgling Champion 7 times in a row as well as the one who holds the record for Most Cuddling in a Hosptital after getting gangbanged by 200 men and 3 midets. Your legend will always stand unequaled.

VernakuLa
07-31-2006, 07:05 AM
cd is a g yo

noel411
07-31-2006, 08:07 AM
I would never even think about trying to replace the guy who was named Cum Gurgling Champion 7 times in a row as well as the one who holds the record for Most Cuddling in a Hosptital after getting gangbanged by 200 men and 3 midets. Your legend will always stand unequaled. Hey, come on now, you know I only stole your mother's titles and records to spite her.

VernakuLa
07-31-2006, 09:53 AM
btw...Noel...I think i found some tracks for you...

holy shit ur up early dawg....

noel411
07-31-2006, 04:48 PM
btw...Noel...I think i found some tracks for you...
Holla at the God with your suggestions.

noel411
08-07-2006, 01:26 AM
The bulb comes to life, with so much potential,
if most come in flickers, this one's torrential,
light begins to spread through the vessel it's housed in,
but is caught where it's faught by the thoughts that it's doused in,
then mixed with the old conflicts it's arousing,
a battle takes place, seemingly endless,
the light shines bright but is deemed to be defenseless,
this ongoing cycle is beating me senseless,
I know I can change it, I've known the whole time,
I line up the shot but can't cross the goal line,
the light starts to flicker, losing its power,
the vessel can help it, but chooses to cower,
thorns are revealed through the peeling of flowers,
withdraw more and more, now I'm feeling the hours,
if "too late" exists, I think I must be nearing it,
don't know what's next but you can trust I'm fearing it,
the voice speaks with poise, but I'm just not hearing it,
the vessel gets lost because fear is steering it,
though I can see the light, and I try to reflect it,
the bulb proceeds to die, it's guidance rejected,


I came to this game, no desire or strategy,
don't need others feed to inspire or flatter me,
if my flames hit your frame then fire them back at me,
conceded to greed but decided it had to be,
itís frightening actually, how things change over time,
like back when I heard my first J Hova rhyme,
just another mc, a fish in the ocean,
but look what happened through the gift of promotion,
feed him to the drones Ďn he receives their devotion,
say heís overrated, itís an obscene scary notion,
and Iím not picking on Jay, or even the mainstream,
undergroundís just as lame, in some ways the same scene,
theyíre both fashion games, where they follow the leader,
and Sebastian Cain is not as hollow as either,
theyíre both ruled by trends which the artists conform to,
when the foolishness ends, remember which artist warned you,
but they scorn you like whores when you do your own thing,
so to clones this drones like a boring phone ring,
while Soup Bones wrist flows like some chrome rims,
my words twice as potent if spoken by a known king,
but with no reputation I stay in the shadows,
with those with weak writtens, no ambition, or bad flows,
but this mastermindís passed the time when I had those,
and still canít even pack a row at a rap show,
but I do this for self, it doesnít matter to me,
whoís better than who or whoís fatter than me,
do you, Iíll continue to do what comes naturally.

Visionz
08-07-2006, 02:07 AM
dope verses, feelin that fo-real. peace

Locust
08-07-2006, 03:08 AM
fucking nice verses noel, you didnt try to over do the rhyme schemes and avoided any unnesecary lines which was cool. some of the first verse was too personal or too deep for me to understand, but its all good either way. the second one was all truth, felt what youre saying
and Iím not picking on Jay, or even the mainstream,
undergroundís just as lame, in some ways the same scene

Logik1991
08-07-2006, 03:16 AM
yeah thats a nice smooth read there , i didnt once think 'why did he rhyme this like tha' or none of that shit , i think all your rhyme schemes was justified , and that was well worth readin

keep spittin lord

maintain

cd
08-07-2006, 03:25 AM
Trash. And if you're gonna mention the God, actually make the 2 lines rhyme

noel411
08-07-2006, 04:42 PM
Cheers for the feed my peoples. Glad you enjoyed it.

GuardianOne
08-11-2006, 01:52 AM
The first verse seemed as though it was difficult to create, like no real aim. The second verse was better, extremely simple. You used a lot of real elements, not being too creative.

You took quite a bold step in writing such a verse.

Peace
PS: The first four lines of the first verse, showed you strained or had difficulty tryignt to write. Repeating actually...

White N Dangerous
08-11-2006, 02:05 AM
word noel u killed it man, everything was flawless IMO!! loveing ya wordplay, good to see you still doing you, and always good to read a fellow emcee's piece, specially one so lyrically potent, we should collab sumtime. can't wait ta see wat else u come up with! stay ^ keep blessin yo

noel411
08-11-2006, 04:07 AM
Guardian, I'm puzzled as to why you feel that way about the first verse. That style of writing is very natural to me. I actually used to write almost everything in a metaphorical manner, especially when writing about my own struggles, which I used to do an awful lot. I was reading through my old rhymes the other day. It was actually what inspired me to write that verse. But as always, I appreciate your input, just a little unsure as to why you felt that way about that verse.

And cheers for the kind words W & D. Always appreciated.

GuardianOne
08-12-2006, 05:23 AM
Guardian, I'm puzzled as to why you feel that way about the first verse.

Nah, don't worry, just take it literally.

Anyway, Keep up the good work.

Peace
PS: Keep posting and writting ( and reciting...)

Dae Ja Nae
08-14-2006, 09:49 PM
I came to this game, no desire or strategy,
don't need others feed to inspire or flatter me,
if my flames hit your frame then fire them back at me,
conceded to greed but decided it had to be,
itís frightening actually, how things change over time,
like back when I heard my first J Hova rhyme,
just another mc, a fish in the ocean,
but look what happened through the gift of promotion,
feed him to the drones Ďn he receives their devotion,
say heís overrated, itís an obscene scary notion,
and Iím not picking on Jay, or even the mainstream,
undergroundís just as lame, in some ways the same scene,
theyíre both fashion games, where they follow the leader,
and Sebastian Cain is not as hollow as either,
theyíre both ruled by trends which the artists conform to,
when the foolishness ends, remember which artist warned you,
but they scorn you like whores when you do your own thing,
so to clones this drones like a boring phone ring,
while Soup Bones wrist flows like some chrome rims,
my words twice as potent if spoken by a known king,
but with no reputation I stay in the shadows,
with those with weak writtens, no ambition, or bad flows,
but this mastermindís passed the time when I had those,
and still canít even pack a row at a rap show,
but I do this for self, it doesnít matter to me,
whoís better than who or whoís fatter than me,
do you, Iíll continue to do what comes naturally.

Another nice piece noel ...

The second verse really had me open though ... it flowed just like water. Don't get me wrong now, the first verse was cool to, but the second just seemd a little more focused and effortless to me. Perhaps they were written at two different times or perhaps while you were in a different state of mind ... who knows, either way eye'm feeling it.

Peace

noel411
08-15-2006, 04:46 PM
Hey Dae, what's poppin'? Been a while. Thanks for the reply. You're right about the second verse being more focused, because while I was writing the first I knew what I was gonna write in the second, and was already thinking of lines for it. Both were fairly effortless though. Anyway, cheers again.

Muslimah
08-16-2006, 02:52 AM
Gday mate,

Firstly, GO THE EELSSSSSS.

Secondly, you should be flattered. I remembered you telling me about a verse you had written, so i made sure i checked it out, even though right now im at TAFE and tired as.

I am tempted to take the same line as CD and say what utter shit this piece is, but i guess you will just have to settle for the truth. That is, that im glad i took the time out to read this tonight, it is a true reflection of the immense skill you have.

This was definately not time wasted.

Peace

noel411
08-16-2006, 04:49 PM
Ha, I actually thought you read it back when I sent you a link on MSN.

Thanks for the kind words, family member. Appreciated.

Go the Eels!!!

ElusiveFugitive
08-20-2006, 10:43 PM
Props Noel, another ill drop...Your first verse was obviously very personal & abstract, possibly the type of verse you write in a journal. As Locust said, without knowing you better its difficult to grasp at the true meaning........ The 2nd verse I found I could relate to better, great content and flow. Quotables; "I came to this game, no desire or strategy, don't need others feed to inspire or flatter me, if my flames hit your frame then fire them back at me", "but I do this for self, it doesnít matter to me,whoís better than who or whoís fatter than me,do you, Iíll continue to do what comes naturally" Peace - Elusive

noel411
08-22-2006, 04:45 PM
Whatup EF? Glad you stopped by to peep this. Thanks for the reply.