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View Full Version : Jumpin Jehovah and the Jesus Freaks


Uncle Steezo
03-24-2009, 12:40 PM
Why do you keep knocking at my door?
Do you like the abuse?
Do you want to smell my nutsack?
Do you want me to get really gulley?


this morning the motherfucking JWs were out in the neighborhood. I ignored the ring the 1st time. the second time they rung after 15 mins of goiing to other houses i knew who it was.


i rubbed my dreads into a crazy configuration, poppped in my grill, took off my shirt then went to the door with my "whut thee fuck do u want?" look on my face.

two black ladies introduced themselves as i conspicuously scratched my exposed pubic hair peeking out from my jeans(i freeball).

then she went on and on about hers and my lord and savior Jeezy. (apparently i'm christan. i ain't know that shit) i respnded with my usual "are you done yet?" smirk and slow, heavy nostril breathing

as the "pass him the watchtower magazine" moment approached, i put my hand into my pants and adjusted my balls and gave my dick a couple tugs for good measure while letting out a satisfying grunt.

then reached for the propaganda with that morning balls flavored hand.
"lemme see this shit" as i thumbed thru the pictures of calcuium coated jesuses and moseses and even a white god wiith a white beard and no face sitting on a gold pimp chair ontop of a cloud.

i muttered "what the fuck?" when i saw that.

"why would i want this sht?"
"do i come knock on your door at 2 in the morning with pictures of a chinese Jesus?"
"i'm not interested."

"Interested in what in particular"

i looked directly in her eyes which were struggling to still smile and said "In Jesus." with a deliberately flat cold tone.

hahahahahah
yo she prolly would give satan himself the same bug eyed look.

"okay.bye" as they scurried to the street and on to the next house. my neighboors are quasi-5%ers but muslim all the same. good luck with that.




they come about once a month.
i try something new every time. today i was just rude.
i have:


come to the door with just a handtowel on.
claimed to worship satan
invited them in, flipped the script and grabbed my metu neter asnd tried to convert them
invited them in and tried to get them to stay as long as i could by asking long answer questions, constantly asking them to pray with me, and reading long passages out of the bible.
mixed up all kind of religious shit then spit it like it was fact"well when jesus came down the tower of babel with the 12 commandments...blah blah"

nextime i might come to the door with my tech9 in hand next time then slide it into my waistband and let them spew their nonsense while i attentively listen.




SO DO THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT WHERE YOU STAY?

YungSunny
03-24-2009, 12:49 PM
Walk out with like a dominatrix outfit on, a wig, and a strap on dildo.

Longbongcilvaringz
03-24-2009, 12:54 PM
When i'm on the night shift, notify the flight deck.

TruWizDumb
03-24-2009, 01:37 PM
I see them all the time in the building where I live...this is a new breed though, They're much younger and dressed casually...they give out cool flyers that invite you to "concerts", "haunted houses", and "plays"...They say stuff on them like "Back by popular demand" and "Wandering souls are welcomed." ??? I don't want to go to your stupid church and I throw away your decieving flyers. quit the gimmicks. Save some trees, just ask me do I wanna go, I'll say no and we'll both be on our way.

SKAMPOE
03-24-2009, 02:17 PM
Why do you keep knocking at my door?
Do you like the abuse?
Do you want to smell my nutsack?
Do you want me to get really gulley?


this morning the motherfucking JWs were out in the neighborhood. I ignored the ring the 1st time. the second time they rung after 15 mins of goiing to other houses i knew who it was.


i rubbed my dreads into a crazy configuration, poppped in my grill, took off my shirt then went to the door with my "whut thee fuck do u want?" look on my face.

two black ladies introduced themselves as i conspicuously scratched my exposed pubic hair peeking out from my jeans(i freeball).

then she went on and on about hers and my lord and savior Jeezy. (apparently i'm christan. i ain't know that shit) i respnded with my usual "are you done yet?" smirk and slow, heavy nostril breathing

as the "pass him the watchtower magazine" moment approached, i put my hand into my pants and adjusted my balls and gave my dick a couple tugs for good measure while letting out a satisfying grunt.

then reached for the propaganda with that morning balls flavored hand.
"lemme see this shit" as i thumbed thru the pictures of calcuium coated jesuses and moseses and even a white god wiith a white beard and no face sitting on a gold pimp chair ontop of a cloud.

i muttered "what the fuck?" when i saw that.

"why would i want this sht?"
"do i come knock on your door at 2 in the morning with pictures of a chinese Jesus?"
"i'm not interested."

"Interested in what in particular"

i looked directly in her eyes which were struggling to still smile and said "In Jesus." with a deliberately flat cold tone.

hahahahahah
yo she prolly would give satan himself the same bug eyed look.

"okay.bye" as they scurried to the street and on to the next house. my neighboors are quasi-5%ers but muslim all the same. good luck with that.




they come about once a month.
i try something new every time. today i was just rude.
i have:

come to the door with just a handtowel on.
claimed to worship satan
invited them in, flipped the script and grabbed my metu neter asnd tried to convert them
invited them in and tried to get them to stay as long as i could by asking long answer questions, constantly asking them to pray with me, and reading long passages out of the bible.
mixed up all kind of religious shit then spit it like it was fact"well when jesus came down the tower of babel with the 12 commandments...blah blah"nextime i might come to the door with my tech9 in hand next time then slide it into my waistband and let them spew their nonsense while i attentively listen.




SO DO THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT WHERE YOU STAY?
hahahahahhahahahahahah awman i was roflmao,

similar shit happens here but in the day time hahahaha they wont dare knock on a door in this neighbor hood at night hahahahhah

when i know its them on the door knocking i usually yell mad obscenities at the door like '' hold one god damn minute mother fucker, who the fuck is it, who? whooo? who u here for?'' and when i do open the door and see its whoight folks i start yelling in their face like im tired of u white people knockin on my door lookin for drugs, we dont sell that shit here gtfo and shit like that, then when i do answer the door i curse them out and they leave running scared hahahahahah

my anger manager told me its a good way to relieve stress and frustation to curse those solicitors out and the fuckers that call the fone askin for money or donationz or sum shit, i chew those fuckers out too lmao...

ALCATRAZ
03-24-2009, 02:34 PM
when i was at my old apartment u could see who was knockin on tha door from tha window so i grabbed a crayola marker and drew an upside down cross on my forehead and answered the door.... dude ended up cussin me out but i didnt care because he came out of himself to diss tha god

another time it was some asian ladies and when they seen a nigga answer the door they simply turned around and walked away.... guess salvation isnt for those with strong doses of melanin

Uncle Steezo
03-24-2009, 02:46 PM
GoEIlAkOq_k

drippie k
03-24-2009, 03:02 PM
i told them i just recently converted to hindu one time...they just kinda looked at for a second and were like "...ok...well, hopefully we can talk soon, our church is just a few blocks down"

"k, bye"

end

Killa BB
03-24-2009, 03:43 PM
Jesus loves you guys...

snapple
03-24-2009, 03:45 PM
^^amen

hectis
03-24-2009, 04:27 PM
I just simply told them I am not interested in becoming a Jehovah witness, and they have yet to come back

Killa BB
03-24-2009, 05:12 PM
HA!

ZlHbz5G4UTM&feature=related

They're doing it wrong. LOL

http://www.boingboing.net/images/1992_does_god_care_22_large.jpg

and... what in the world is going on here???

Prolifical ENG
03-24-2009, 05:35 PM
Last time they came I asked them "are you those religious nuts?" and they asked what my religion was and I told them it was "drinking and fornication". That was years ago and they never came back.

Uncle Steezo
03-24-2009, 06:55 PM
Jesus loves you guys...
if Jesus really loved me he would have gotten me a Genesis when they came out.


i think i'm marked as a lost sheep that needs to get back to the flock.
one time the lady started with "remember me? i came by a couple of months ago."

i forget which act i put on her b4 but must have been the "religious expert".
I know that time i kept them on my couch for at least 2 1/2 hrs till they literally had to break my prayer grip on their hand during the 3rd "one last prayer"

Killa BB
03-24-2009, 07:16 PM
if Jesus really loved me he would have gotten me a Genesis when they came out.

i think i'm marked as a lost sheep that needs to get back to the flock.

* Ding Dong! *

Can I offer you some literature today?

Matthew 18:12-14 (Jesus Speaking)
12 "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the ONE that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that ONE sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in Heaven is NOT willing that ANY of these little ones be lost."

Uncle Steezo
03-24-2009, 07:22 PM
"i'm in love with a stripper"
t-pain's cover of "Jesus saves Mary"

hectis
03-24-2009, 10:10 PM
* Ding Dong! *

Can I offer you some literature today?

Matthew 18:12-14 (Jesus Speaking)
12 "What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the ONE that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that ONE sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in Heaven is NOT willing that ANY of these little ones be lost."

amen

EAGLE EYE
03-24-2009, 10:53 PM
Havent had a problem with them at this place.

They see the dogs trying to break through the windows and see broken glass near the steps and usually run off like they're chasing a school bus.

Uncle Steezo
03-25-2009, 12:49 AM
LOL