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View Full Version : I got caught beating tha meat


DJMethods
04-05-2009, 10:08 AM
Friday was a fucked night. I went out and spent the whole night trying to tune a girl who turned out to be sober (I thought she was maggotted) and extremely religious. I cracked so many Jew jokes Jesus woulda given me daps. Epic fail.

So as you do you come home and decide to beat your meat. I crank the DVD player and chuck on a porn movie ready to get down to business.

I'm going for it and it's one of the most beautiful drunk masturbations I've ever had in my life, I was so proud of myself. Then I heard a "bang!" and quickly paused the DVD, awaiting the arival of what I thought was my house mate.

A couple of hours later I awaken to my house mates sister walking through the door. I had fallen asleep, dick in hand, with the DVD paused at the worst scene possible - The behind the ballsack doggy shot.

Word is bond you aren't as gully as me.

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 10:17 AM
bahahahahahahahahahahaha

DJMethods
04-05-2009, 10:19 AM
Whats good Weng Weng? Liking the hat, hella stylin.

TheBoarzHeadBoy
04-05-2009, 10:19 AM
"I cracked so many Jew jokes Jesus woulda given me daps. Epic fail."

Idk about the big JC, but I'll give you daps son. Shits classic.

I've never been caught. I'm just really good. I'll do it with people in the next room, I don't give a fuck.

BLACK BART SIMPSON
04-05-2009, 10:23 AM
"I cracked so many Jew jokes Jesus woulda given me daps. Epic fail."

Idk about the big JC, but I'll give you daps son. Shits classic.

I've never been caught. I'm just really good. I'll do it with people in the next room, I don't give a fuck.

same, niggas didnt know i did nindicksu when im on it,,,,

DJMethods
04-05-2009, 10:32 AM
Yeah but you are lil niggas, I don't get as much practice beating it as I used to, when you're older wommenz are on you like Jews on banks.

My masturbation game was probably peakin around 15, I could rub it out while unwrapping Christmas presents and the family just thought I liked socks. I was Olympic silver medallist stroker, don't forget it little niggas, you speak to one of the originators.

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 10:37 AM
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/x7VGfBj0BHo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/x7VGfBj0BHo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>


weng weng? lolllll thanks saMANtha

DJMethods
04-05-2009, 10:44 AM
Get the lesbian porn cranking if you're gonna post lesbians, we got little niggas here, you're meant to teach the seedz not hinder their development.

KaramelSundae aint bout the seeds.

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 10:54 AM
nigga please
http://a.abcnews.com/images/International/nm_irwin_daught_061208_ssv.jpg

im all about the seeds mate

DrunkenMasta303
04-05-2009, 11:03 AM
^likes my seeds on her face
http://www.bukkake-sperma-party.de/images/bukkake_face.jpg
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/images/icons/icon12.gif

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 11:04 AM
nice facial.

DJMethods
04-05-2009, 11:04 AM
nigga please
http://a.abcnews.com/images/International/nm_irwin_daught_061208_ssv.jpg

im all about the seeds mate

Bindi does look like shes got some AZN in here.

KaramelSundae was freakin Steve Irwin

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 11:05 AM
the money was good

JerseyIronman
04-05-2009, 12:46 PM
A couple of hours later I awaken to my house mates sister walking through the door. I had fallen asleep, dick in hand, with the DVD paused at the worst scene possible - The behind the ballsack doggy shot.

Word is bond you aren't as gully as me.

HAHAHAHA that is EPIC

did she actually see u with your wang in hand or did you have enough time to make the save?

and did she see the shaven ballsack on the screen or were u able to make the save there as well?

narc
04-05-2009, 12:56 PM
hahaha niice

BLACK BART SIMPSON
04-05-2009, 01:06 PM
She beared witness to the cockmonsterczar?

THE MASON
04-05-2009, 01:19 PM
Did you invite your house mates sister to finish the job?

MAYOR QUIMBY
04-05-2009, 02:53 PM
I have been caught by my brother when i was around 14, and by my mother when i was around 19 or 20. Pants down, dick in hand, porn on the screen. There's no way of getting out of it.

Longbongcilvaringz
04-05-2009, 03:02 PM
I don't know how you people get yourselves in these kinds of situations.

(please don't tell me)

YungSunny
04-05-2009, 03:12 PM
You niggas arn't slick.

Art Vandelay
04-05-2009, 03:18 PM
I don't know how you people get yourselves in these kinds of situations.

(please don't tell me)



pat using reverse psychology

BGS
04-05-2009, 03:35 PM
haha lol funny shit, drunk masturbate is one of the best things for real...

Longbongcilvaringz
04-05-2009, 03:44 PM
pat using reverse psychology

Art fantasises about me being homosexual.

Art Vandelay
04-05-2009, 03:57 PM
haha lol funny shit, drunk masturbate is one of the best things for real...


you should try drunk sex. it is much better

diggy
04-05-2009, 04:44 PM
I LOL'ed for real.

Dokuro
04-05-2009, 05:09 PM
hahaaaaahhahahhahahahah dude your a loser you should have at least asked here to join you

Mumm Ra
04-05-2009, 05:25 PM
My masturbation game was probably peakin around 15, I could rub it out while unwrapping Christmas presents and the family just thought I liked socks. I was Olympic silver medallist stroker, don't forget it little niggas, you speak to one of the originators.
this is all sorts of wrong
aaaalll wrong.

IRONFLAGCHIEF36
04-05-2009, 06:13 PM
i aint ever been caught jerkin it, i got caught coppin dome though...my girls sister walked in...damn...good times!

drippie k
04-05-2009, 09:25 PM
shit i been jackin it since i was like 13, im 21 now n havent been caught yet n never will be....i'd prolly shoot myself if my moms caught me, that shit is embarrasing

noel411
04-05-2009, 11:32 PM
Haha, that's fucken great.

I did the same thing a number of times when I still lived with my folks, but if they ever came in and saw me passed out, cock in hand with a porn flick playing, they never spoke of it.

Thank fuck for that.

KaramelSundae
04-05-2009, 11:33 PM
don't you people have locks on your doors?

Chungsanity
04-05-2009, 11:39 PM
I was caught by my older male cousin when I was 15 and yes, I forgot to close my door.

Art Vandelay
04-05-2009, 11:45 PM
ok, my story. i didn't exactly get caught, but one day my girl at the time was out and i thought i had a little time to myself. i definitely wasn't master of my domain that day. so she comes home right after i was finished. for some reason she was feeling a little horny and out of nowhere goes down on me. she immediately stopped because she could taste the lubrication on my dick. she was laughing at me because she said she couldn't believe that i wasn't able to wait a little longer for her to come home.

NIGHT MAYOR
04-06-2009, 10:00 AM
.......Then I heard a "bang!" and quickly paused the DVD, awaiting the arival of what I thought was my house mate.

A couple of hours later I awaken to my house mates sister walking through the door. I had fallen asleep, dick in hand, with the DVD paused at the worst scene possible - The behind the ballsack doggy shot.

lol at you waiting for your house mate with tv paused and dick in hand ^O^

haha lol funny shit, drunk masturbate is one of the best things for real...

fuck off! one of the most exhusting hurdles known to man, i can barely rub one out when im drunk. tired arm and shit, try'na bat southpaw just so i dont loose the work i already did. i wake up like i have been lifting wieghts, with one arm.

Steve Urkel
07-21-2009, 10:05 PM
Yeah but you are lil niggas, I don't get as much practice beating it as I used to, when you're older wommenz are on you like Jews on banks.

My masturbation game was probably peakin around 15, I could rub it out while unwrapping Christmas presents and the family just thought I liked socks. I was Olympic silver medallist stroker, don't forget it little niggas, you speak to one of the originators.

bwahahahahahaha

drippie k
07-22-2009, 02:03 AM
i caught my little brother once..i came home one night n dude was sittin there at the computer wackin it to the harry potter chick's head photoshoped on nude women... he peed in a cup for me when i was on probation so i didnt rat him out

Cee Oh Vee
07-22-2009, 08:10 AM
Oh shit! Hahah!

Dr. Simon Hurt
07-22-2009, 10:02 AM
caught my roomate one time...he had his computer out in the living room with hdmi hooked into the tv, it was like 3 in the morning, i woke up and groggily was on my way to he kitchen to get a middle of the drink of water followed by taking a piss (had to edit that lol) ...anyway, i come out he's on the couch, pants down, i just see two chicks sucking some guy's cock on the tv, and he hurriedly rolled off the couch onto the floor like tj hooker and zipped up his pants facing away from mefand turned the tv off. I just played stupid and walked into the kitchen, drank a glass of water and went back to bed. we never speak of this.

Dr. Simon Hurt
07-22-2009, 10:04 AM
i have had a few false alarms, probably to the point where it was obvious what i was doing, but thankfully never got in the act

lol at the chick from harry potter's face pasted on nude bodies...tell him to upgrade his concept of porn.

Steve Urkel
07-22-2009, 10:22 AM
i caught my little brother once..i came home one night n dude was sittin there at the computer wackin it to the harry potter chick's head photoshoped on nude women... he peed in a cup for me when i was on probation so i didnt rat him out

Nice sig

JASPER
07-22-2009, 11:48 AM
Yeah but you are lil niggas, I don't get as much practice beating it as I used to, when you're older wommenz are on you like Jews on banks.

My masturbation game was probably peakin around 15, I could rub it out while unwrapping Christmas presents and the family just thought I liked socks. I was Olympic silver medallist stroker, don't forget it little niggas, you speak to one of the originators.
AHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAA!

Funniest thing I read on this site in months.

DUMBO
07-22-2009, 11:51 AM
Friday was a fucked night. I went out and spent the whole night trying to tune a girl who turned out to be sober (I thought she was maggotted) and extremely religious. I cracked so many Jew jokes Jesus woulda given me daps. Epic fail.

So as you do you come home and decide to beat your meat. I crank the DVD player and chuck on a porn movie ready to get down to business.

I'm going for it and it's one of the most beautiful drunk masturbations I've ever had in my life, I was so proud of myself. Then I heard a "bang!" and quickly paused the DVD, awaiting the arival of what I thought was my house mate.

A couple of hours later I awaken to my house mates sister walking through the door. I had fallen asleep, dick in hand, with the DVD paused at the worst scene possible - The behind the ballsack doggy shot.

Word is bond you aren't as gully as me.

why did you pause it at that scene?

fag.

Teh KillaBee
07-22-2009, 05:17 PM
So as you do you come home and decide to beat your meat. I crank the DVD player and chuck on a porn movie ready to get down to business.

I'm going for it and it's one of the most beautiful drunk masturbations I've ever had in my life, I was so proud of myself. Then I heard a "bang!" and quickly paused the DVD, awaiting the arival of what I thought was my house mate.

A couple of hours later I awaken to my house mates sister walking through the door. I had fallen asleep, dick in hand, with the DVD paused at the worst scene possible - The behind the ballsack doggy shot.

Word is bond you aren't as gully as me.


you ask her to lend you a hand, or atleast a kleenex?

Inspectah_Dirk
07-22-2009, 05:19 PM
This is a mad funny story tho :D hahahaha. Shit never happened to me thank god.

Teh KillaBee
07-22-2009, 05:19 PM
dood, how you pull off an gnarly session of drunk cannon firing. Half the time I got whiskey dick so bad it's like jerking off a USB cable and the other half I end up gettin all into it and smashing myself in the balls

Teh KillaBee
07-22-2009, 05:20 PM
Can I get some privacy PLEASE?????????

Teh KillaBee
07-22-2009, 05:21 PM
Yeah but you are lil niggas, I don't get as much practice beating it as I used to, when you're older wommenz are on you like Jews on banks.

My masturbation game was probably peakin around 15, I could rub it out while unwrapping Christmas presents and the family just thought I liked socks. I was Olympic silver medallist stroker, don't forget it little niggas, you speak to one of the originators.

we are the OG's chicken choking

Inspectah_Dirk
07-22-2009, 05:24 PM
And yet, there are many chicks, and unfortunatly also guys, who are wanking their snatches on webcam for everyone to see. I always wonder what's up with that? What if your next door neighbor is browsing some amateur porn and sees you getting yourself wet on cam? I mean..that's some strange shit.