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View Full Version : hahahaaahhahaahha Coors Light INtroduce "Shotgunnable Beer Can" for alcoholics


Ghost In The 'Lac
07-15-2009, 05:01 PM
http://www.larelybeagle.com/2009/01/08/coors-light-to-release-new-shotgunnable-can-with-second-tab-on-side/

Golden, CO – The Coors Brewing Company announced today that they will soon begin offering Coors Light in a new “shotgunnable can” that will feature a second tab on its side to allow for easy shotgunning.
Coors is aiming to rid binge drinkers of the tedious burden of searching for the air pocket in a can of beer before it’s punctured, as well as eliminate the possibility of a punctured beer spraying out all its beer before it can be shotgunned.
With the innovation, Coors is aiming to rid binge drinkers of the tedious burden of searching for the air pocket in a can of beer before it’s punctured, as well as eliminate the possibility of a punctured beer spraying out all its beer before it can be shotgunned.


The can is expected to have a large impact on the canned beer market and is one of the first large-scale attempts to court binge drinkers, who spend hundreds of millions of dollars on cheap beer every year.
“While our current wide-mouth vented can does allow the beer leave the can more quickly and create a smooth, refreshing pour, it doesn’t seem to satisfy the customer that prefers to have the beer shot down his throat.” said Coors Brewing Company CEO Peter Swinburn. “That’s why we’ve created this new can. When used in cooperation with the traditional tab located at the top of the can, the shotgunnable can will completely empty its contents in a matter of seconds.”


When asked by a reporter if the can was magic, Swinburn just chuckled and said, “No, it’s mostly just gravity and pressure change and I can’t even begin to tell you how much it means to me that this happened under my watch here at Coors.”


While Coors had been criticized in the past for cheap gimmicks like having a frost brewed liner and a wide-mouth vented can, reception for the shotgunnable can has been overwhelmingly positive and binge drinkers around the country have been raving at its practicality. Steve Tucker, who is national president of the Omicron Iota Upsilon fraternity noted, “It’s about time a beer company listened to the concerns of its customers and crafted a product specifically intended to resolve any complaints they may have.”


Tucker also preordered 1,500 cases of the Coors Light with shotgunnable cans so that he can distribute them amongst its chapters around the country. After placing the order, he seemed to be fighting back tears as he added, “If there’s canned beer in heaven, it’s definitely served in shotgunnable cans.”



hahahahaahahahaaaa the fucking jesusness of it all LMAO

This is the realest thing a beer company has ever done, quick someone tweet Slang, idont even know if this is real

AcidPhosphate69
07-15-2009, 05:05 PM
That's fucking stupid. A true boozehound knows to release the pressure by just slightly cracking the can open, then you can hit the proper spot with your key, knife, etc and shotgun the fucking beer.

Shotgunnable cans are for dabblers, not alcoholics.

Bonus points to anybody who knows how to shotgun a bottle. If you know that shit, there is a good chance either you or one of your friends is a drunk.

Senator C. Palantine
07-15-2009, 05:13 PM
am i aloud to use a straw?

WARPATH
07-15-2009, 05:14 PM
quick someone tweet Slang




Grown men shouldn't use that kind of language.

http://indigestible.nightwares.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/god_hates_fags.jpg

drippie k
07-15-2009, 05:53 PM
you gotta be a moron if you dont know how to shotgun a can already...but i dunno, it'll be easier this way i guess, it'd be cool to try out if its true

EAGLE EYE
07-15-2009, 07:30 PM
lmao @ "fighting back tears"

Mumm Ra
07-15-2009, 07:45 PM
“it doesn’t seem to satisfy the customer that prefers to have the beer shot down his throat."
LOL
that sounds eerily homo to me

oDoUoSoKo
07-15-2009, 08:07 PM
why the fuck dont u fix ur sig? did u try shotgunning it?

Prolifical ENG
07-15-2009, 08:12 PM
I dont know why someone would bother to shotgun a Coors Light. Thats usually a beer I drink while Im playing sports. 4% instead of 5% so its easier to drink when your thirsty. They should have just stopped with the Blue mountains when the can is cold certified.

AcidPhosphate69
07-15-2009, 08:14 PM
I hate that blue mountain shit. I mean, feel the damn bottle..is it cold? Worst case scenario, you man up and drink a warm beer while the others continue to cool.

Mumm Ra
07-16-2009, 06:52 AM
I don't know why someone would drink a coors light, period

Huggasaurus Sex
07-16-2009, 07:20 AM
i can easily tell that this story isn't real...



http://www.cwfarchives.com/assets/photo3/full/11112%20copy.jpg

...thanks to sound theory.