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The Fluid Druid
06-19-2010, 11:45 PM
your words are just basic, my verbs are evasive
burn through the page cause my fires enraged
but still cool in this state, you tried to fool with the bait
but you cant educate, so i try to relocate and embrace the sickest style
that elevates my blood pressure and il put your body in a thresher
no identification when ur dead, cause you left it on your dresser
so ima leave you in a stretcher.
when i deliver words that make you quiver down your spine you feel the shiver
i brought a sack of dynamite and some legitiment insight which will ignite
anyone within range cause im feelin kinda strange
like a lion with a main, dont think for one second im insane cause i will rot your brain
In and out of the mainframe and il put you to shame over and over again,
not to mention your fame. bitches get stiches ripped lip finishes
backl again to deliver with spin kick elements, havent been to hell
tho il still make your mind blow, do you have the time bro
i think your late for the freakshow. so i continue to make the speakers blow,
leave you out in the cold with no place in the mold
your lookin weak your lookin old, what you reap is what you sow
but im pretty sure by now you know
how good my flow goes down your throat, incinerate the town
cause im holdin the crown im standin my ground
il pour acid on the masses and watch the walls fall down

ArcherPriest
06-21-2010, 09:26 AM
this wudnt bad man theres def potential here.. if i had to give a suggestion id say work out the flow... some lines hit nice then id hit ones that threw the beat off.. thats the drawback of text tho.. could jus be how im tryin to flow this.. maybe you can do it on point but i wasnt able to get thru it w/o havin to stop n get back on beat a few times
examples on the 1st 4

your words are just basic, my verbs are evasive
burn through the page cause my fires enraged
but still cool in this state, you tried to fool with the bait
but you cant educate, so i try to relocate and embrace the sickest style

20 sllyables packed in the 4th? didnt work for me.. the rhyme change coulda been saved for the 5th, plus play with words add/subtract here 'n there to better accomodate speech.. maybe sum'n like

your words are just basic, my verbs are evasive
burnin you thru the pages as my fire enrages
tho im cool in this state, you tried to fool with the bait
but cant educate, its best to relocate and embrace
the sickest style

i dunno.. hope that helps, keep droppin tho holmes, peace

The Fluid Druid
06-21-2010, 04:38 PM
thanks for the positive help. im definitlly gunna try that.