Cousin of death...(just sum random shit)

just droppin sum bars idk kinda bored headz feedback would b mad appreciated...


lethal rap symphony vividly crack infantries(sp?) mystical rime schemes infa-red shine beam on yea head...my team roll for dolo n for bread thorough bred legion dukes fiendin for tha season 2....begin its wack mc merc time i squirt lines fluidly movin these jerks shine while i hurriedly cover my tracks got more niggas yellin at they "hoooss" than thunder cats bludgeon smack tha fuck outta a battler .....most "mcs" equal "square" im rare spittin algebra take on all comers still decomposin tha challenger people kno that im bout it tha Cousin of Death is sleep i creep now fer tha sake tha mic game ...specs on lil high n im keepin a tight aim beastin em fight games b my specialty wrestle me i "tombstone" slam niggas till they needn help medically.... my psycho kinetically energy is my worst enemy fry a god crispy n still spit heavenly .....feedback appreciated 1hunnid

come on 11 views n no feedback...bump son bump...

tight verse most def, keep blessin' up G!!

good lookin on tha feed hookz uppin for more feedback...

come on now headz just a COUPLE more thoughts would b nice...bumpin for more feedback still....

ok since yall aint feelin that i guess i'll drop some iller shit...


my unholy presence cause tha pope 2 wanna make pennance/ reconfigure a "pigs grill" like i was a "jake dentist"/set fire 2 buildings wit children theres no escape tenants!/ i break "sentences" down like a speech empedit(sp?)/john gotti ya body dun "fugettit" in war times i leave ya cavalry screamin MEDIC/ not a "horseman" but headless wack cats just pathetic/dependent on real rimes steel nines will end it/ "it" being ya life better believe in tha "christ"/ naw not jesus ME KID tha god easily strike/ blasphmetic rapz connected wit tha illest facts ive read it/ re-read n then wrote my own book old heads passed me tha torch i caught tha shit wit no look/leave ya soul shook cuz lyrical death = me/ so poisonous ya boys will just forget 2 even breathe/ my heathens squeeze wit no sorrow or afterthought/ ya morrow (bone marrow) still rottin from tha aftershock/blast tha glock im "intergalactical" like an astronaut/ u faggots rock on dick n roll on balls/ while my cock in ya bitch twat she kno im "tall"/ so hazardous 2 tha "earth" i make tha ozone fall....

kinda hard for me to flow with this since the structure is kinda off.
you improved it with the second verse, but you need to make it better.
just keep shit simple, like this.

my unholy presence cause tha pope 2 wanna make pennance
reconfigure a "pigs grill" like i was a "jake dentist"

no need for a backslash, or bunchin' shit together.
if you can structure your shit like this, it's easier to read.
if ya can do it like that, i'll try to leave ya some better constructive feedback.

"I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death" - Nas

That's what your title made me think of.

Nice verse bro.

cool cool appreciate tha feedback yall

aight here goes another one.....


tha god shiva spit seizurez 2 tha non believers/chronic cheefa inhaled deeper derail speakers//my brain diction cause mad train collisions/mental vision make tha most trained eye twitch-when // my hitmen manuevers-prove tha most effecient/ move-it-wit a snakes tongue sharp got me hissin//"sharks" on tha block nigga tha streets a "sea"/ in da dark wit a glock so da P's cant see/ big bad wolf 2 u fuckin bambi's// man-please understand me// if not get a back hand from half tha Crook family// jook more than RB's (runnin backs) -spark me?... bitch par hardly// mad clips who wanna party?// "streets is my home" like i lived in an "RV"//.......

side notes

God Shiva-hindu god of destruction...

also i was listenin 2 method man as i was typin this so if u cant tell i tried formatting my rimes like his...

prolly not one of my better verses but i think it had better structur feedback please!

Your'e good just learn how to structure ya bars, i like ya style but reading how u write lines is aggravating.

lol yea im completly new 2 textin my rimes out so any help is mad appreciated..good looks on tha feedback bumpin 4 more...

just sum random chaos...



behold tha ghostly figure of sinatra/
my lines written in blood engraved in tha chakras/
i smash tablets n create fates 4 those who knock tha/
most perplexin vex'd nigga wit a blow i rock ya/
frozen cold wasteland roamin demons is my brotheren/
scar slash letterin in chests n buck shots deafinin/
"ill" like i refuse 2 seek physicians or medicine/
my mission is my evidence for niggas actin trife/
i smack em twice my "jackknife" named kevin nash/
im sendin fags 2 burn in hades tryna play me/
grindin on tha daily lost scriptures neva forgave me/
smoke tha sensimilla till my pupils unfocused n lazy/
dunns holdin they ladys winos crackin they forty's/
on tha block nigga named morty smackin up his shorty/
war reportin rival crews get 2 firin duke/
im more than a bystander shots fly im firin 2/
till sirens spew tha streets n lil homies flee/
im back in tha lab recordin vocals spittin my soul on tha beat/

K, looking at your first verse i was immediately thinking you need to put it into a coherant structure. Set it out a line at a time instead of a big block of text. The coherancy was hard to catch, there were some nice rhymes in here. But i think if you'd wrote up a more solid story it would've been more readable.

yea my structure was way off but imo i think ive gotten way better in that area......

this is from tha freestyle thread feedback plz...

ayo da god spit boulders hell froze over n still colder/
krill flippin qouta "higher" than tommy chong i calmy bomb/
"smash crates" like donkey kong poundin on my chest n shit/
beast breathin down ya neck tec grippin wreckless spit/
i lesson kids learn em how 2 drop "math"/
i "multiply" haters just so i can pop half/
"divide" ya torso leave u more than a corpse bro/
ressurect ya soul so i control ya mind also/
foes falsifying facts get jaws from tha lion raps/
pitboss who firin gats till ya brain fry in fat/
iron mask like "tony stark" u phony farts get "ghosted"/
clips loaded lyrics encoded in my thought patterns/
caught soulz lost in caverns n took em hostage/
spit goblins lil niggas do my dirtwork/
while ya bitch slurp till i quick squirt u gets hurt/
fuckin wit a verbal leviathan/
leave ya organs cycling while im poppin mg's of vicodins/
skulls pilin i think im close 2 a thousand/
puncturing lungs wit my sword tongue till ya blood drownin/