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Old 08-16-2005, 09:04 AM   #5
martyr
the illuminated orator
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
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martyr grasshopper
Default Re: Keystyle (7-0-2)

....that was aight.... you got potential... first off, if you're going to use '~ ... ~' to designate a multi, the word(s) contained with in have to actually by multis... "....MC/....fiends/" not a multi... 'c' and 'fiends' rhyme but there's no rhyme for M... same with "...mac ten/...what's happening/" even if only 'happening' was in the '~...~' it wouldn't be an exact multi... check your syllables next time... the verse had a good flow after that though... "...pace your breat/ trace your death/" line was hot, and after that it was pretty solid.... you should keep going with that and rework the begining parts...
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