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Old 08-17-2005, 07:25 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Zambia
Age: 36
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Default Re: Unjust Dragon Fire...

It rhymed well, and you controlled your flow well. "The day the Dragon was Slain"-wow!!!!!!!
Anyway, you started it quite well, your style seems very interesting. But later in the verse it gets too predictable,i could almost predict the next rhyming word to follow, then you shift from that. But then there is this unfinished effect you put to your lines (or rhyme schema). Its a very captivating verse really, but you can improve on that.From the middle of the verse someone can tell that you start getting creative (you know sci-fi stuff-it not a problem only if you learn to blend it with the entire verse.

Unjust Dragon Fire (it means a lot such a verse)I would like to see more of your posts and that "Day The Dragon Was Slain" piece in its entirety.

PS: I don't know if you were attempting, or tempting us to believe this is a humble post? You do have your own style (be it your first or not post)
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