You got a poetic vibe it's more storied than actual boom bap clap bragadocious rap. It was decent for a first time rhymer. How old are you? If you're young, you'll have time to develop. If you an older cat jus' gettin in to it... it can be rough I'd say stick to the poetry.
Alot of times verses get butchered and you have to sacrifice certain words and even lines to make sure your shit flows like a waterfall my dude. Keep writing.