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Old 04-20-2006, 04:24 PM   #7
Classic
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mount Olympus
Age: 27
Posts: 332
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Classic grasshopper
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ey yo step back kid or u can catch a bid/
playin it off like u dont kno wat u did/
(Half-decent opener.)
lemme get rid of this dude on his open challenge battle/
ima drive u off like i was herdin cattle/
(Decent punch here.)
leave ya ass in pain like u rode a horse wit no saddle/
lets play ur favorite game, i tell a tale and u tattle/
(Okay, first line could be mistaken for some homo line. Decent punch nontheless.)
the caption for ya avatar is HE DID IT MAN DONT LOOK AT ME/
ima make u retire before u start just so u can c/
(Decent punch, playin' the avatar, good.)
dont challenge the best when ur weak/
cuz u inevitably will b beat/
(Okay, not good punch. Played concept.)
ill take on anything that u can bring/
like a broken bat held togther wit string/
homey ya shit just dont swing/
(Good punch here.)
ima finish off real plain, simple, and sweet/
u just been raped, ur no longer fresh meat/
(Decent closer.)


u on bout rapping me yeh right,
fuck off ass rapest go fight for ur right,
(Some multis, but end rhyming the same word sucks. Not too good of a opener here.)
to marry other men, n ill say it again,
(Maybe a bar in itself? Half-decent. Played concept. Should've been worded different for a better punch. )
your rhymes cuz they ain't that tight,
just like u press, i aint that fresh,
(Really, this verse is lookin' kinda choppy to me. And you sort of dissed yourself here....)
but i dont care i here to recompress; this rap industry
u sounding like John Cena and you can't see me,
(Half-decent punch here.)
u claim ur the best and i am weak,
step off bitch you bout to be beat,
(.....Half-decent at best here.)
down and cuz u aint coming bak,
im droping these lyrical bombs,
like babies from the new found moms,
(First line = why is it here? Rhymes with nothing in this. You're bragging on yourself here. You BATTLE on the BATTLEFIELD. Bragging on yourself is like taking a knife to a gunfight and talkin' shit.)
im glad you took up da chance,
cos ill b bk cos i can hear the chants,
(....Half-decent.)
they're callin for J-Man not some wanna be Peter Pan
(Half-decent at best closer.)

Vote : Adedwutang
Verse was stronger then his opponent's. Harder punches, better flow, structure, etc.
J-Man you just need some pointers and some elevation. Keep battlin'. Experience is the best teacher. Don't brag on yourself in battles unless it's VERY BRIEF. Don't ever do a bar in a battle just about yourself. The point of battling is to DISS YOUR OPPONENT. GET AT THEM!
Make your battles "Classic".
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