We are compose of magnetic aura & genetic code/ Walk the road & enter my deferential abode exercise the right and truth manifested we are told, each way of life has its own religious creed/ the prophecy of the lost children of Israel existing with the holy city of Dimona & Tel Aviv
decent, i like the last line with israel and tel aviv
and dont expect much feedback from anyone else lol, people here seem to largely comment on peoples rhymes who they know, which is fair enough, i have had some good feedback
i was fucking around i actually want to give any exact location because i believe tel aviv is like west of israel.....thanks man
how come you not a Vet yet?
you need to be a member for atleast 500 posts i think and 2 years
The core of corruption has a powerful force that throws out seduction, baby kids being abducted, and the thugs who say fuck it.
Its madness how they thought it its even crazier what we got to do to stop it.
If you got to take a shit you better not drop it or else thatís when these killers will creep in your house and throw you in for murder.
Dam cops are the best herders putting kids in jail so young they still eat Gerber and shitting there draws.
As I sit there with a pause cause I see no empty halls and some shit in the toilet stall.
why are you in my thread posting your rhymes
Interesting work so far.
Your vocabulary wingspan is wide within your rhymes, however....
If I had to be picky I'd say work on the layout of how you type your lines
At times it's hard to follow, at times it's too complex too digest
Also I'd say try to come with something completly different from what I have quoted below.
Once you've done this you can find some middle ground so to speak.
And you'll be better off for it in my opinion.
You remind me of someone who has the raw talent but just needs some guidance.
What you have is dope, but it could be so much more with some fine tunning.
Hope that doesn't come across as condersending but thats my view.
If your interested in doing a collabo just gives us a shout.
Yeah your shit is tight but like whers said you gotta have it in a format. Also be easy with all the big words going back to back. I love usin actual vocabulary in my rhymes too but usin too much in one bar will throw the flow off. By havin the verse flow right it makes the words jump out the page and hit hard, which gets your point across better. But like you said you just fuckin around so on that basis you got some good work. keep up. peace.
"i got drug spots from NY to Canada/cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"Follow me @SkiLLs456
yo he grips the globe with his hands he got destruction right in the pocket of his pants.
when destruction comes we will all scatter like ants as he sets traps and peolple die like rats we wont be able to do shit with gats or our societies stats this is were it all goes into wack nomore being fresh like tic tacs
Last edited by NW_Renegade; 03-22-2011 at 10:25 PM. Reason: missing word
the second part you underline actually came from a convo i was having with some friends of mine.
believe me i feel you when you say it needs fine tuning i dont know why but i always feel like im missing something-----i dont know if it more bars (longer or shorter bars) or what