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Thread: first time rhyme spittah, peep this

  1. #1

    Default first time rhyme spittah, peep this

    As the title says, first time I've bothered to write lyrics. Been messin around with producing for a minute so thought I'd give the pen game a go. Nothing crazy bout 10 mins worth of work.
    Let me know what you think though.

    aye yo, im a first time rhyme spitter/
    but my rhymes sicker/
    bars like i like my booze, bitter/
    5 mic award gripper/
    once started, never a quitter/
    infinite rhymes emerge from my dome/
    catchin wreck like when I clap on the chrome/
    shits nickle plated son, my hollow points make jacks run/
    sounding like "omars commin" dun, they straight cowards when I'm seen with a gun/
    born and raised in Adelaide, the city of churches/
    known for smoking bud, missin bodies and murderers,
    "thats why you haven't head of us!"/
    rhyme style like a bomb thats about to combust/
    no sketchy shit here, im the on you can trust/
    always can be relied on to get my rhyme on/
    venoms darts spat like a deadly python/
    Last edited by Chambers; 02-06-2011 at 08:35 AM. Reason: typos

  2. #2
    God's Replica Mumm Ra's Avatar
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    i dont spit or anything and rarely write but...
    id try having more multiple syllable rhymes (rhyme on/ python was pretty good)
    and rhymes thrown in the middle of the sentence (not just at the end)
    for instance, i woulda tried to say "infinite rhymes eject from my dome/ catching wreck like when i clap on the chrome"

    also avoid rhyming short words that the listener can see coming a mile away (dome/chrome, run/dun/gun)

    also pythons are non-venomous snakes, im jussayin

    peace & thanks for sharin


  3. #3

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    Cheers, yeah I agree the shits a bit basic. I might give it ago again later with more multies n shit. LOL at the python thing, I know jack about snakes aye.

  4. #4
    7 Golden Vampirez Poison Flowerz!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mumm Ra View Post
    also pythons are non-venomous snakes, im jussayin
    lololol

    https://poisonflowerz.bandcamp.com/
    http://www.youtube.com/user/PoiSoNFLoWeRZ
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  5. #5
    I Already Won Dirty Knowledge's Avatar
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    You got a poetic vibe it's more storied than actual boom bap clap bragadocious rap. It was decent for a first time rhymer. How old are you? If you're young, you'll have time to develop. If you an older cat jus' gettin in to it... it can be rough I'd say stick to the poetry.

    Alot of times verses get butchered and you have to sacrifice certain words and even lines to make sure your shit flows like a waterfall my dude. Keep writing.

  6. #6

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    Cheers man, I'm 21. So not that young but I'm no GZA.
    Poetic aye, chilled might go read some poetry books to sharpen my swords.
    Yeah I'll keep writing, so I can atleast spit some shit over my beats.

  7. #7
    I Already Won Dirty Knowledge's Avatar
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    No doubt..you spit at all or just write?

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