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Thread: Haven't ever really written a verse before

  1. #1
    Keep firing, assholes! Mai Wang Tu Phat's Avatar
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    Default Haven't ever really written a verse before

    This an 8 bar warnin', meditate and watch your fate, start formin'
    I'm a busy bee, occasionally I'm caught swarmin', an anti lawman
    you can't get past doorman in this house of consequences
    thought prevention, stop the tension, and oh yeah not to mention
    I'm in my own class, way above the opposition
    I'm sure you'd agree if you took the time to stop and listen
    I used to have message, as a degenerate adolescent
    crossroads of the past and present, was my last impression
    I made my therapist's head explode. Confession.
    Like history, I'm teaching you a pointless lesson
    grab ahold of the important and start lovin' 'em close
    My demeanor is so subtle I start summoning ghosts.
    don't complicate plot, my whole life has been a late stop
    Stop tryin' to relive the past, man...great scott


    Comments and criticism?
    Last edited by Mai Wang Tu Phat; 07-02-2011 at 08:43 PM.

  2. #2

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    its dope overall. i think sometimes ur using to many words or syllables. like here...

    "I'm in my own class, way above the opposition" u could drop the I'm and let it just be In my own class


    this is just my opinion tho man. im not an emcee and havent written anything in years so somebody else might say different. keep practicin tho. it wasnt wak at all IMO

  3. #3
    aka The Chaotica SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS's Avatar
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    Default

    its a dope drop and like bar said drop the like and the an and sub those words or drop them completely

  4. #4
    Keep firing, assholes! Mai Wang Tu Phat's Avatar
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    Thanks guys, the reason I had those extra words in there so it would fit the bit I was writing to.

  5. #5

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    yeah i'd have to hear it on the beat to give further feed but keep writin and maybe evn try recording. u might be onto somethin. u had me with the first line

    i read it again

    and OH yeah not to mention
    I'M in my own class, way above the opposition

    its just one of those words capitilized is where i think u could change it but like i said i dont know what u wrote it to so my feed could even change if i heard it recorded as far as just the lyricism

  6. #6

  7. #7

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    this shit was pretty good .



    My evidence, my own testament, written on wood
    Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
    Hell razah

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