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Thread: ::BoAr's BArs::

  1. #31
    the illuminated orator
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    ...good concept, i like that alot, but go rewrite it a couple times... fuck what people think; you as the ARTIST get to deside what it becomes... tighten the flow and get some multi syllabic rhyme schemes... but again, great concept...

  2. #32
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    Not a bad drop, homie. Interesting concept. I enjoyed it enough. I say go on with it if you feel you have it in you. Don't go on with it because people told you to though. The hook could use a little re-work if you're gonna try for a tight finished product too. But yeah, nice piece.

    Check for my latest one man band hip hop songs here...


  3. #33
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    That was a pretty decent display. Definately had a few solid lines in there. Some bars ought to be shortened though. If you edit it a little to tighten the structure and flow, it would be a nice verse.

    Check for my latest one man band hip hop songs here...


  4. #34

  5. #35

    Default Imprisoned In My Mind

    I'm trapped in these walls, fallin' back into blackness
    Baack into wackness, barred from the lines that I rap with
    In my mind is a passion just askin' to be blasted
    Let it breathe, the disease that gets released from my chapped lips
    I look past it, I don't have sense I have rashness
    Miraculous actions passed in disastrous rations
    My rap is a coupe, I soupe it up and I gas it
    Pedal to the floor boards, heavy metal music blastin'
    But I crash it, it's Russian Roulette and I stack chips
    I'm past ripped, hand my soul a pack of them matches
    And a lighter, gasoline, a magazine and a gat, clips
    And afterwards scatter ashes on my casket
    I fear havin' my back lashed and strapped with a black whip
    Ask my master for laxness, when he grants it I relax
    But I can't quit or stand it, all I hear is the laughin'
    My spirit collapses, passes back into blackness

    I'll leave ya bleedin' and screamin, pleadin' and askin' what happened
    Gasp for breath, slash ya chest, grab ya neck and just snap it
    Serrated blade in the jacket, razors made to be jagged
    Telepathic ever since Hellen Keller was splashin'
    The aftermath of this psychopath's wrath is detachment
    Severed heads in the mattress, cats slit wrists in the bathtub
    A lonely sociopath, a killer like Zodiac
    You'd have to be a maniac to actually hold me back
    Like kids that flash black Macs in the street for reaction
    Havin' flashbacks from droppin' to much battery acid
    They just actors enraptured, just dramatic and captured
    The limelight to rhyme tight, I'll 'spine write' and spit backwards/'back words'
    My raps are artifacts make heart attacks so I'm claspin'
    My chest, it's hard to grasp when red sheds and I'm gaspin'
    My brain just bled to death so all that I'm askin'
    Is for freedom from these walls, I fall back into blackness

    I'm trapped in these walls, fallin' back into blackness
    I'm strapped with a magnum, it's my tongue and it lashes
    Like the sermons of clergymen whether Catholic or Baptist
    They don't bless, they molest, it's messed up but it happens
    The verbal assassin that attacks with a madness
    Murderin' Fascists, hittin' birds when they flappin'
    It's just rappin' that sticks to the words that I plaster
    It's magic, don't ask which/witch craft did I master
    Your ass'll get smashed with an axe stashed in the attic
    I'm addict attracted to grabbin' asses and havin'
    Erratic actions, like slappin' Rick and jackin' his crack with
    Dave Chappelle raisin' hell with bad kids like the Jacksons
    I might blow in the microphone for the crackle and static (pssssh)
    That's the reaction of my Prozac when I snack it
    My brain waves are clashin', playin' games and I'm whackin
    Off, and my dick spits, coughs, and yaks in a napkin

  6. #36

    Default Ha..

    Dirty Mattress Covered In Diluted Putrid Puke & Blood
    Infused With Bugs As I Send Two Canines Through My Tongue
    A Porous Taste, What A Horrid Waste Of Life's Elixir
    Despite The Mixture, I See By Way Of Nights Old Fissure:
    The Moon! Dancing Above My Shoulder, Behind The Bars
    Entwined With Stars, Lost In Darkness: I Don't Find It Far
    My Life Defined In Shards Of Shattered Moments Long Dead
    When Attainting Insanity, A Buried Life's Hopeless Song Spread
    However I Sang Effortlessly, Chest Deep, Full Of Breath
    With Angels, Voice A Horde In One Accord, It Pulls My Chest
    The Stoned Walls Are My Tomb & The Truth Is Ive Grown
    In This Hell: Six-By-Six Cell Paded Walls Included: My Home
    The Rabblings Of An Old Man Imprisoned By Social Wants
    As I Stare Into The Depths With Zest, Giving Hopeful Taunts
    Whats Insanity? You Dare Ask A Man With Half A Family?
    Gasped In Flattery! Civil Servants Then Trashed & Damaged Me
    Delay The Grade, Don't Judge Me: We Live In A Day & Age
    Where Cold Fame Is Gained, Names Made But Change Is Played?
    Guess Whoever You Are, You Want To Know About My Plight
    So You Can Put Doubt To Flight, Look At Your Life & Count It Right?

    You Act So Fucking Ugly...

    Smug, You Judge Negatively If Its Deemed Different Or Odd
    Mentors Drop! The Science Age: When Stupidity's Meant To Stop?
    Yet We Exist In It - This Is Shit - People Glorify Dumb
    Or Defy Clubs As A Singled Out Individual, Born Denied Love
    You're Realized Scum! I See Ignorance At Upper Levels
    Even As Legions Hide These Facts By Battling Other Devils
    The Connection Is Dumb Fucks Where The Sky's The Limit
    They Get Everything With A Cherry On Top, So Why The Gimic?
    Oddly, People Are Zombies In The Body With The Grunts
    As Schooling Falls, Stupidity Calls! Don't Think Its A Funk
    Im No Christian But Listen: Religion Is Very Key Now
    Because Before I Show You Insanity, Look At Me & See How
    Regular Screams Sound Forced Out Of Any Mouth But Mine
    This Could Take Awhile! Line Limit Doesn't Count, Fuck Time
    Insanity & Religion Were Forever Linked Originally
    This Shit Gets Thick! Take That Figuratively Or Literally
    Demons Are Stories? Worry: That Thought Leaves Us Caught
    Nowadays If It Deals With Shades, It Then Turns To Jesus Talk
    Trifle Bible Bashers & Attackers Who Don't See A Link
    In Each Culture Their Are Vultured Ghosts, You Need To Think
    Bored For Minutes? Its Finished! You're Then Leaving
    Betelguise Without Michael Keaton, Can't I Refer To Demons?
    I See Them & As Fate Has It, We Can't Even Escape Habit
    Strolling Within A Holding Straight Jacket & That Ain't Magic
    Sides Guarded By Royal Rabble That Travel The Farscapes
    Eating Dishes Of Scarred Fates & The Shrapnel In Tart Grapes
    Holed Up In A Corner, Worn & Tortured Into This Apex
    While Nude: Im Naked With Satan, Trying To Loose His Graces
    If A Man Sees A Shadow, A Mad Foe Or A Mantel Of Black
    They're Deemed A Dream Yet Evil Exists? There's No Handling That
    Cuz Money Doesn't Corrupt Souls, Nor Does Enough Gold
    Its The Voice In My Ear, The Boys That I Sheered, Cuts Show
    & Whats Home? A Place Where You're Alone With Spirits
    Or Bone With Dearest In Darkness, Oh God Knows I Fear It
    The Nearest I Can Tell We're Falling, I See The Edge
    Cuz We Attack Exact & Isolate Those Most Needing Friends

    And Here I Lay...

    In My Own Hollow Daze, In A Phase That Remains A Fact
    In This Cell Of A Hole, Spelling A Toll, It Detains My Laugh
    Echoing Off Soft Stone, Im Oft Lone In Freezing Rain
    In Wisdom, In The Fetal Position Enjoying The Squeezing Pain
    Disease Then Came In Storms, A Form Of Rotting My Skin
    Epidermis Implores Me, A Demon Exploring & Knocking Within
    Im Cattle Left To Battle In Darkness During Lights Out
    From Any Perspective & From Any Direction They Might Pounce
    Believe Im Screaming: Tempted To Only Flee The Demons
    "They Look So Beautiful" I Think, Tears Gleam When Streaming
    My Hulk: An Englowing Tree! The Vines Aligned With Stalks
    Spine At Fault! Luck & Hope: Fuck You Both, Rewind The Talk
    Listen Closely & Know Me: This Insanity Isn't Cruel
    A Family Is Futile & I'd Be Damned To Be Less Truthful
    Civilization Always Deems The Unknown Immoral & Evil
    Society's Canvas Of Corruption Paints Us Horrible People
    You're Born All Numb, See Society Breeds Formal Dumb
    See Through Proof Into Truth & Realize Im The Normal One

    Because You...

    Make Your Insane, Change Became The Villian In This Act
    & As Days Go By, Flows Time, All Our Children're Missing Half
    Growing Steadily Dumber, Into Heavenly Slumber We Go
    We Had Sunlight For One Night, However Now Summer Sees No
    I Bleed Yo, It Hurts Seeing & Not Believing This Shit
    Im Screaming In Fits! Son Of Sam, Lets Leave Him To Shift
    In His Grave, The State Saved Those They Call Worthy
    But Under Rain Droplets All Are Caught Wet Cuz It Falls Purely
    God Rains On The Just & Those With Lust In Abundance
    Look On My Scars Real Hard, Stop The Farce Of A Stunned Glance
    Locked Away, Its Not The Same Til Our Features Are Sand
    In Prison, Unforgiven, Totally Insane Yet A Creature Of Man

    You Made Me...

  7. #37

  8. #38
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    Good shit man. I really like the style you have used on these verses. Very interesting wording and subject matter. Good structure too. Keep it up.

    Check for my latest one man band hip hop songs here...


  9. #39
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    That was fucken ill. Tight shit indeed. I haven't seen anybody with your ability come through here in a while. This is a really tight piece. It flowed so smooth with the resounding rhyme scheme. I liked pretty much everything about this piece. It would sound ill in audio if you can rap. Keep bringing the illness.

    Check for my latest one man band hip hop songs here...


  10. #40

  11. #41
    Are U aware I ban @ will? MASTER PAI MEI's Avatar
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    I like it!

  12. #42


    lol ben...

    We'll I guess since that came from one of the best mc's I know on text ty

  13. #43
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    May 2006
    Cincinnati, walnut hills
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    How about "Raw Art" Boar, an yo shit on this page is some of the best on the thread.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)

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